jan.tan.the.incredible.man!

Which Incredibles Character Are You?
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I just realised that 'incredible' could also possibly be read as a question mark over one's crediblity. hmmm... Now where is this train of thought leading me towards?

Today was quite the incredible day though.
:: Survived through a night's bout of massive crap (read post below).
:: Dragged my sleep-deprived-and-lacerated-from hot-shit-dispensing-at-100km/h-ass to the office.
:: Trooped down to amoy with the majority of office+2 new THAI interns (my fellowcountryboy+girl!) damn yummy and damn ex fish head curry+a million other dishes for lunch.
:: Ate not so yummy but still damn ex satay+mee-goreng+rojak+stingray+squid for dinner with remnants of saikang gang+thai interns+RAJA the king!
Needless to say, I skipped the much-needed but rendered totally useless gym in lieu of whatever I have eaten. There will always be a better tomorrow! hahaha... (P.S. This is intentionally meant to blend in with the background so that only the observant will notice its existence! Muahahaha)

I must say that I was actually rather entertained by Raja. Haven't been talking much to him all these years after our stint in DT studio together with cc, but I'm glad he came by for dinner today. He's truly quite a funny guy, weird that I would enjoy his company (and cc and oy and sh's too) so much; people I've not really been associated with all these years. And still he's remained so harmless and nice, albeit nehneh and irritating at times as cc would gladly profess to. Haha but that's also part and parcel of his charm I suppose. He's gotten so stick-thin from his fever-related illness about half a month back that it's a little worrying. Shall make a conscious effort to keep in touch more often, now that I won't be staying around in Singapore for much longer anyway. It's scary it is, going to a big city with bright lights all alone. Ok, not ENTIRELY alone, I do have a couple of friends there, but still, they have their lives to lead, and I have mine to forge. Exciting stuff it is, I must not procrastinate on my obstinate ass no longer. Dig up the pots of gold, as ernest says! He says he's cheong heng, constantly reminding me to reply schools/check housing/book air tics/buy winter clothing/and whatnot... and I do agree he's excessively naggy at times, but still I'm grateful to have a friend like him whom I know will look out for me in NY. Ok, now how in the world did I manage to digress from dinner with Raja to nagging by ernest miles away? haha. And finally sh is ready to go home. Toodledoo peeps! I take my leave from the four office walls. *grin*

what.a.huge.load.of.crap.

4.30am-5.30am :: ouch! :: time to run to the loo! :: bloopbloop! ::

(or more like :: psssssstttpiiiiaaaaaakpooooot :: most of the time...)

Last night, I got rid of a HUGE load of crap. Woke up in the middle of the night with unbearable stomach pains, almost as if I were about to give birth... and what a baby it was! Instead of crying it hissed, instead of being pure and lovable as most babies are, it was dark, lumpy and horrendously stinky. It weighed around 1kg, as evidenced by the before and after weighing sessions, and caused much sleeplessness due to intense pain from contractions. Overnight, I became a mother! And to prove how much I really do hate smelly babies, I flushed it all down the toiletbowl. So much for maternal instinct kicking in as maturity in years sets in. Was it due to food poisoning? Or just the accumulation of an entire week's worth of crap? I cannot be sure about it's father's identity... promiscuity on my part perhaps? But as coincidence would have it, the b. caught the baby fever as well, just that hers was perhaps bigger and had more complications during the inevitably torturous childbirthing process. First mums indeed. What a stomach-churning experience.

let.me.go.home.

This song takes on a totally different stance when one is stuck in the office with only a crazed person (CC!) for company. Haha.. it's been a crazy night in office, stuff we talk about (har har lp) makes this torture just so much more bearable. Having said that, I really do like this song though, and reason why I'm posting the lyrics here is because it was just aired on the lehliiio and seems rather poignant at this time of the night. I luuurrrrvvveee Buble's soothing vocals. *swoon*

"Home" by Michael Bubble! (bloopbloop @@)

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
I'm fine baby, how are you??
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I've got to go home

Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I'll be home tonight
I"M COMING BACK HOME!!!

(are you done YET, cc? *yawn*)

:: seeing.red.with.apple.red ::

This post is dedicated to 'apple red', a superbly nice person who never fails to bring cheer into a dull and dreary day. With a sunny hello! and a typical hahaha, the world seems to lay down its heavy burdens for that miniscule moment in eternity, drawing in a contented breath of happiness. For her, the world is always swathed in colours, the fields greener than green, the skies bluer than blue, the apples redder than red. Tanning with her sometimes also means getting heatstroke in the middle of the day since the sun becomes hotter than hot, dangers of frostbite setting in with Ice Cold beers as they become colder than cold. :p

:: seeing red with apple red:: thus refers to the act of looking at our suitably red msn user pics together-gether. Come back niki come back soon! You create the oft-needed balance in our little group of weirdos. (I never realised that until after you left... heh)

Red. Brings with it another connotation. The BIG APPLE... ahh... redder than red? Larger than life? More unreachable than the impossible dream it seems. An apple a day keeps the doctor away!!! *crunchcrunchmunch*

h.j.jan

I am humji... I admit it.

Damn you CC! You HAD to leave me all alone in the office on a Friday night with well-meant advice... yes yes. YOU GOOD! *glare*

Now I'm afraid to look out the window :: Beware the eyes that look in from without!
I'm afraid to look under the table :: Beware the creepycrawlies the lurk beneath!
I'm afraid to look into the office cupboards :: Beware the unknowns of the cupboard depths!

Should I risk a trip to the darkened printer room where my newly printed out plan lies? Sigh. I wished I had left with you guys. Come back cc, come back sh! Don't leave hj jan all alone here! Aloooooooooooooone I'm all alooooooooooone. So much for pretending to be hardworking, staying back to finish up more work when I really don't give a damn whether the work gets done or not... It's deathly quiet in here now. The air is musky and chokes me. I wonder if the air-con is working properly. Are you going to desert me to the evils of Shenton Way when the clock strikes 12MD on Friday too, mr a/c? I've had enough of photoshopping frangipani trees (whose eventual look resembles a blardee bush with an incurable white spotted disease), and waterlily ponds, and fake water ripples, and elevational shadows, and timber doors, and noised-up floors (noisy floors? you psd people will get what I mean), and gradated roofs, and those cutesy looking furniture at 200 scale that seem to say :: Naehnaehnibubu you can't sit on me... :: And now I see a friend's msn nick pop up from the ever-popping left-hand corner of the screen. My only link to the world outside from my self-induced prison cell right now. Women don't need men? Oh yes they do my dear. They do, especially at 11.40pm on a Friday night when all the world has abandoned them for love or for hope in the office. Where are the men when you need them? They are happily sleeping away at home of course. Those UNRELIABLE buggers. HMPH!

in.the.still.of.the.night

The office is FREAKING cold at this time of the night. Bone-shivering so.
My body convulses with each chest-rackling cough I manage to muster (which happens to be a per-minute-occurrence)... My chest hurts. (Yes, CHEST not BREAST, cc... ) I think soon the infection will spread to my ears and then my ears will hurt when I cough too. I should just be glad that I don't have a fever or a flu running like the tap. I can live with a cough, but I really should be tucked comfortably into bed right now.
Yet still, work I rush.

MC, out of the question. There just isn't any room or time to be sick is there?

a.kiss.is.just.a.kiss...

a smile is just a smile...

cats.and.dogs.

Three pairs of eyes stared out from our 24th floor HDB flat on a Wednesday afternoon, past the fragile glass and into the millions of uncountable swirling floating water droplets, so dense that to the naked eye they appeared almost like tiny snowflakes. Up and down, left and right, following whatever invisible force that guided them on their plummeting descent towards the ground.

My sisters and I stood mesmerised by their power and magnitude (indeed many drops of water make up an ocean), marvelling at the way in which these droplets seemed to defy gravity at points, creating visible tracks of wind convergences in the sky just beyond the window. The occasional swift flashes of lightning, followed by the lagging bouts of thunder, drowned out whoever was singing on American Idol at that time, joining in a heavenly musical of sorts that scared the hell out of me, to say the least.

Huddling on the sofa in front of the tv with my sisters and beard papa creampuffs, I with my flu, my younger sis with her bandaged ankle (from running in the school corridor and tripping...!!!), and my elder sis with her piles of marking as teachers are wont to do, it felt as if the home had really taken on the personification of the security adage, and sheltered us physically from the big bad world outside. In an instant, I was filled with a sense of warmth and comfort, at knowing that I was safe at home, and not having to battle the evil forces of nature whatever they may be. All that this scene lacks is a romantically snow-laden landscape out the door, a roaring fireplace, and the invigorating scent of roasted chestnuts wafting through the inner recesses of the living room. Hahaha.

That aside, Constantine's version of 'My Funny Valentine' was really the best that I had ever heard him sing. (American Idol live and commercial-free! woohoo) Best performance out of all this week, ugliness and camera-pouting notwithstanding. Fatty Scott was pitchy, Carrie was bland, Nikko was R&B as usual, Federov was YUCKY (will people stop voting for him already?!?), Bo wasn't in his element, Anwar was predictable, Nadia was stunning in a beautiful white slinky satin gown, Vonzell was powerful vocals for a Streisand song, but Constantine, well, he simply blew me away. Out into the pouring rain and all. Swoosh! I went, past the white lace curtains, stuffy nose and all, riding the wind like the rain, effortlessly weightless. (Or at least I WISHED I could be weightless. Sigh.) Heeyah Giddyup! Back to Salman Rushdie I go to courtofy my Moor's Last SIGH.

3.iron.comes.highly.recommended

Synopsis below:

"Internationally acclaimed Korean writer-director Ki-duk Kim (SPRING, SUMMER, FALL, WINTER... AND SPRING) has created a masterful, wholly original drama with 3-IRON, which follows the trials and tribulations of an odd young man, Tae-suk (Hee Jae), who spends his days putting flyers on people's doors just so he can check who hasn't taken them down after a day or two; believing those families to be away, he breaks into their homes and settles in for a while, cooking, cleaning, watching television, and sleeping, all done with an intoxicating charm. But one day he is caught by a troubled young woman, Sun-hwa (Seung-yeon Lee), whose husband, Min-kyu (Hyuk-ho Kwon), abuses her mentally and physically; when the husband returns home, Tae-suk uses the man's 3-iron to hit golf balls at him. Sun-hwa then goes off with Tae-suk, joining him on his journey to empty houses, where they pretend to be part of the vacationing family. But when they walk into an apartment and find a man dead, their world changes despite their attempts to protect it. It's at that point that director Kim really starts having fun. 3-IRON is an intense, enjoyable, mystical film filled with subtlety and tenderness. That is especially surprising since the two main characters, who find solace in each other's company, never speak a word."

It really is an amazing film. Go watch and figure.

i.have.a.new.friend

I have a new friend in my life, a person whose face I vaguely remember seeing around church when I was young, but who has emerged again after a long 15 years, for a cup of coffee and a long chitchat at Coffee Club. Strange as it seems, someone whom I had never talked to during those formative childhood years, would make for good conversation now. (Actually, on second thoughts, perhaps it isn't THAT surprising, afterall, he would have been 14-15 when I was 5, and 19-20 when I was 10.) But for a 20-something to talk to a 30-something, the age gap seems to have lessened by leaps and bounds. Sure, the topics are perhaps not what I would normally engage in discussion with in the company of like-minded peers, but the valuable experience, open-mindedness, and maturity that comes with age provide a different perspective on life, that is refreshing in its very essence. Harshly realistic, and to a point, sometimes even scheming, it is quite amazing that someone could actually live life with such lucidity and rationality, while being able to enjoy the finer things in life, like GOOD FOOD for example. heh. For the most part, I was just willing to listen, and he, willing to impart. Of course, the other perks of hanging out with a single 30-something is that he pays, and he drives. It pleased me to find that he was actually more engaging in person than in the written form (his written being of atrocious spelling and horrendous grammer, with uncalled for acronyms peppering his jerky sentences to boot), so it was actually quite pleasant to discover that he speaks proper english, and is not an ah beng. Judging by his small frame (darn!) and young-ish dressing however, it is highly likely that one would be inclined to dismiss him, at first glance, as just another young punk with too much time to spare on his hands... hahaha... Just as a gauge of how well we hit it off, I've got myself an invitation to go Japan with free lodging (his sister stays in Tokyo) and a willing tourguide (he speaks Japanese having lived there for 2 years previously!) All I have to cough up now is that 600 buckeroos for the air ticket and some spending money as well... Ahh the cherry blossoms are in bloom until May he said. I'm definitely tempted by the prospect of going to Japan. I've ALWAYS wanted to go, but it had always seemed to expensive... Sejima my love! Harajuku! Natural hot springs! Cherry blossoms! *rubs hands in glee* How about postponing our little Cambodia+Vietnam trip mingming? (Kidding ok kidding... don't scream at me now hrh) And in case you guys out there are wondering if I'd gotten a little bonkers in the head, and foolishly laid my fragile heart out on the pedestal to be shattered into a million tiny pieces, NO I HAVE NOT. I haven't found a potential lover, just a person who might in time become a good friend. :)

Ok! 4 down, 1 to go... I think I'll sleep well tonight. Happy jan. As I said (in my post that eeriely disappeared on me) things are beginning to look up. Up, up and away! To infinity and beyond I say.

when.things.lose.their.clarity

If you asked me what I came into this world to do, I will tell you:
I came to live out loud.

EMILE ZOLA

[as seen on the very last page of the P. Enrollment Guide 2005-06, OIA]

WTH? Jessica Sierra is out from AI? And the lousy Fatty-killed-Brian-Mcknight's-song Scott, Hit-only-the-big-notes Anwar, Clay-wannabe-undergoing-image-overhaul Anthony, typical-R&B Nikko, and I-think-I'm-so-hamsome-poutpoutpout Constantine are STILL IN?!? Life's really unfair.

eh?!?

eh...
where did my yesterday's post go to?
my post about my non-stop nose tap dripping?
my post about how tomorrow will be a better flu-less day?
my post about things looking up and how I love rainbows?

IT'S GONE! *bawl*

Anyway, today IS really a better flu-less day... apparently my supply of nose fluids have been depleted, albeit leaving the skin of my nose rubbed raw and reddish.

It's been a happy day so far

+ couldn't sleep at all last night so I spent the 7 hours in bed tossing and turning in the darkness, haunted by the words of (I kid you not) Quando, quando, quando, my fav song of the moment. It seems I was subconsciously asking whenwhenwhen will I get to fall asleep? and apparently the Adesso ('Now' in italian) was not to be forthcoming at all...

+ finally decided to get out of bed around 7am, AFTER countless trips to the loo during the night to occupy myself, ('waking up' is a misnomer since I technically did not sleep), had a quick shower, and dragged myself to the gym

+ hunks galore! I counted at least 5 of them... all muskles and cutie faces... *swoon*Seriously! Big biceps! Now at least I will have a greater motivation to get my lazy ass to the gym early on Wednesday mornings! muahahahaha

+ expensive and unyummy lunch at caltex house (I still blame you cc!) but all was redeemed with the first bite of SUPER yummy yami honeydew-flavoured yoghurt with mixed nuts... mmmmmm I'm in heaven!

Let's hope the rest of the day continues to amble along just as well as it was started! As a sidenote, Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey SHOULD be renamed to Chunky Hunky! More chunks of hunks anyone? :)

mission.accomplished

Shopping is indeed a therapeutic experience. Thanks yoowie for a wonderful late afternoon/evening/night out filled with cd-hunting, sushi, lemony, coffee club, tummyaches, and hilarious stimulating conversations! Will really miss you when you+I leave. *hugs*

Just.did.it.

I think I did pretty okay over the public holiday. Didn't complain much even while cooped up in office the entire day doing work that wasn't really meant to be mine while friends went to have a ball of a time at the SFF. SATC rules indeed but it really isn't the life for me. Didn't feel too sorry for myself, didn't feel angry, didn't really feel life was unfair, didn't feel excessively miserable although I was pretty much alone. I just followed Nike's mantra all the way and just did it. (Work that is...)

Granted, I did manage to steal away from the office over the week and find time to

A. Rush home and catch AI and The Amazing Race on Wednesday although I missed Carrie Underwood's fantastic performance... (Thank God Mikalah the singing nanny is out! Finally! Her whiny nasal voice was really starting to get to me)

B. Re-read Murakami's Norwegian Wood for the upteenth time, holed up in my room and indulging in my own depressions (Booze, free sex, student revolutions, and above all, adolescent love)

C. Catch Stephane Pompougnac at Zouk on Thursday which was actually rather a happy night if the music had been a tad less disappointing towards the end. Oh, and did I forget to mention ming the smart who gave her REAL no when picked up by some ugly guys? (Small talk with too many acquaintances, memories about lost innocence and friendships, sub-conscious consciousness about the importance of appearances tainted the night for me, I felt as if I had been transported back to the hall era of sprouting superficial niceties)

D. Meet up with Kerms and Jon for supper at Newton on Good Friday... yummilicious stingray! Again I am reminded of how friendship is a gift no matter how unworthy one feels sometimes.


What I didn't find time to do though, was to hit the gym. I need some new inspiration, some new drive, new goals, new direction, fitness or otherwise. I need to get out there and start meeting new people. I need to get my hands on some new shopping purchases. I need to read some new books. All of a sudden it seems as if people have all gotten on with their lives but here I am still stuck in a rut, hampered by my own inertia. I need to remember that the world does not revolve around me. Life shouldn't be this sad. :)

colours.of.the.rainbow

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RED and YELLOW and GREEN and PINK
PURPLE and ORANGE and BLUE...
I can sing a rainbow
Sing a rainbow
Sing a rainbow too

at.least.i.know.i'm.female

Your Brain is 66.67% Female, 33.33% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

rejection.is.never.nice

2 down, 3 more to go.
1 acceptance, 1 rejection.

Rejection is never nice no matter how much one tries to brace up for it, no matter how all the signs point to the fact that one is overreaching and overestimating one's abilities.
Rejection is even worse when another's success is rubbed into your face.
I know it wasn't meant to be that way, and I sure am happy for her. Congratulations Sy! :)
It's just that rejection takes time to get over.

I knew it the minute I sent out the application- I had a bad feeling about it.
I knew it when I found out about sy- I had a sinking feeling in my heart.
I knew it when I saw the small slim envelope- it couldn't contain any more.
I knew it when I read the letter- the paper felt cold to the touch.

I guess it was better tried than to have shrunk back in fear and lived in regret all one's life.
At least this way, I can remain accountable to myself, and hold my head up with pride.
Rejection ought to make one a stronger person but strangely, why do I not feel any stronger?
Afterall, I must HAVE experienced it about a million times before...
It was just never meant to be, but I must learn to count my blessings.
*breathe in deeply*
2 down, 3 more to go.
Acceptance doesn't mean any more than rejection does... Without money, all the acceptances in the world would amount to nothing. Yet New York still beckons...

Brace yourself and be strong jan! Keep believing in yourself! Stand tall! Wear a smile! Hug a friend! Say a prayer! Drink some caffeine! Pop some pills! Get some sleep!

I think I just need some chocolate... insane stuff coming out from my head right now... any chocolate will do for now, I'm not picky. But why do I feel as if I might actually need a Godiva feast at the end of it all? Gosh the waiting is killing me. Sorry ernern... just need to get it out of my system first. There. I'm alright now. *hugs*

cool.jan.

I'm cool I'm cool! hehehe

timmy.+.tribal.tide

I'm glad cc smsed me to go down to the esplanade again today. Muzak Mosaic! They say once bitten twice shy? Not so for us... after friday's horrendous performances, we were yet again about to risk our night, and to give the local acts the benefit of the doubt. And what a night it was! Electrifying with superb showmanship, excellent instrumental skills, good-enough vocals to showcase the high quality of music-making, and... *ahem* two bands with a good-looking lead vocalist each. *grins*

TIMMY, the first local act of the night and named after the Timmy character in SouthPark, played crowd favourites such as Maroon 5, Sting, Pearl Jam and John Mayer, and set the tone for the evening. With such a wide range of songs, from slow ballads to rock, they certainly played up their flexibility at switching from genre to genre with great ease- they enjoyed themselves and so did we and the old salsa-dancing uncle. Comprising of 2 walawala regulars (including the cute lead vocalist who looked like he was constantly flirting with his mike! O what I would give to be his mike...), 2 supposed composers/music directors, and another drummer, the 5-man band was certainly one of the smoothest local acts I've ever heard perform.

And then came TRIBAL TIDE to rawk the whole stage, indeed a worthy closing act for the entire Mosiac Fest. Yo yo yo wassup man! To be honest, I thought that their name sounded a little on the cheesy side, but they just came up on stage and literally TOOK CONTROL of the crowd. Fusing tribal beats from a HUGE electic mix of percussion instruments like the congos and the box drum, and the amazing tones of the diggerydoo with jazzy snippets of piano, saxaphone, guitar and bass, they put up a superbly tight performance that was totally entrancing. Ranging from bossa nova to samba to Earth,Wind & Fire hits, the audience sweltered it out in the humidity of the tropics and the heat emanating from the band itself. Casey (or is it K.C.?) the lead vocalist-cum-guitarist-cum-bassist, had a kind of funny high-pitched talking voice that seemed almost as if he had inhaled A LOT of helium. But his voice transformed into a powerful instrument when he sang, immediately confident and never once faltering or breaking when scaling the heights of depths of a challenging song. It's even more amazing when you see the 3 percussionists switch instruments like nobody's business, picking up weird looking percussions that I've never seen before, and creating such strong african/samba beats to complement the fragility of the saxophone. It is also their confidence onstage and the fact that they are ENJOYING themselves much as one would do in an informal jamming session, that made their performance all the more gripping. Of course, staring straight into the eyes of Casey as we shook hands with him after added a whole new level to the total experience. :)

Whooopeedoo... I love cute vocalists!

sya.sya.in.china

The funniest thing happened to me today at 1.10am in the goddamn early hours of the morning. Not that I was about to sleep anyway.

Sya aka pernurious boss called, and asked if I was in office. Like HELLO it's 1am on a Sunday morning??! Who in their right mind would be in office? (Except for us lowly paid architectural interns of course... heh) But no, I wasn't thank God. Apparently, he's in China now, and shuer had gone to sleep and locked the door on him, with her Singapore hp OFF. Smart girl... hahaha. He couldn't wake her up no matter how long or hard he banged on the door, and had called to ask for her China hp number. Unfortunately, I didn't have it, and I cannot describe how despondent he sounded over the phone... hahaha. I can literally imagine him standing outside the door of the apartment/house, in the cold chill of the night, shifty-eyed and all, not knowing how to speak Chinese, and desperately wishing that shuer would somehow wake up and let him in. He went something like... "Ummm.. ok... Eeerrrrrrrrr.... Ummm... nevermind... Ummm... Eeeeerrrrrrrrr.... Ummm... Ummmmmmmmm........"

After I put the phone down, I decided to call sh in hopes tt he would have shuer's China number... after all, it's quite poor thing to be stuck outside in the cold in a foreign land (although why do I get the feeling these Sya always finds himself stuck in these kind of situations?!) Sh initially said he didn't have it, and so we both decided to let Sya settle the matter himself since there seemed to be nothing else we could do to help. After about a minute or so though, sh called back to say that he realised he DID have shuer's China hp number so yey... Sya was saved. (OF course if shuer decided to bochap and not answer her hp, that would be a whole different story altogether...)

Thankfully, all's well that ends well. I leave you with Sya's sms of the night, grammatical errors and all:

I manage to get in i almost spend a night with the hawkers outside...thk a lot!

Hahahahaha.. superbly hilarious. What a funny guy! He's just made my day!

lifeless.and.in.need.of.one

There are days when one would feel terribly terribly unfulfilled, and this is one of them.

I feel like I'm just wasting my life away. I have no real passion about anything, not music, not books, not films, not art, not sports, not travelling, and most definitely not architecture. Truth be told, I do enjoy these facets about life at some points in my life, but I certainly do not hanker after them, nor pursue them with the genuine interest that would perhaps give my life a little more meaning. As a result, I end up being unknowledgeable about politics, economics, music, art, history, AND architecture.

What the hell am I doing with my life?!!? On a day such as this, the harsh reality of being all of 24 years and unaccomplished hits close to home. In fact, it hit me while I was literally at home.

Take my typical saturday schedule for example-
11am: Wake up and read book/mag
12noon: Nap
2pm: Wake up
2.30pm: Eat breakfast
3pm: Chat on MSN
3.30pm: Read newspapers
4pm: Nap
7pm: Wake up
7.15pm: Chat on MSN/Blog
NOW: Still chatting, still blogging

At times, I do wonder what it would be to live life with a little bit more insanity. What would it feel like to live life on the edge, to travel spontaeneously, to indulge in the bohemian way of life, to flirt with apparent dangers, to respond to imminent rejections?

I think I'm just a screwed-up spoilt brat uninteresting middle child who wants to get her own way most of the times but seldom does. Ahhhh.. Perhaps I'm just sulking from cc being stuck in office and not being able to go to putumayo with me like we originally wanted to, perhaps I'm peeved that ch and jon are forever stuck in school doing work and I never get to see them anymore, perhaps I'm upsetted that friends+acquaintances all around seem to be having fun and getting somewhere with their lives, perhaps perhaps perhaps........ perhaps I just don't have a LIFE and I need to get out and get one. I can't believe I'm actually considering making a pilgrimage down to school ladled with food offerings for the slogging 'Gods' ch and jon on a SATURDAY NIGHT. But knowing how hard inertia is to overcome on a nuah day such as this, I'll probably end up staying home and watching tv till I fall asleep once again. Ok I DEFINITELY need a life.Anyone has any ideas on where/how to get one?

cannot.make.it.ming

What else is there to say?
The title for this post says it all.

Ming drunk and sleepy after one jug of beer n chix wings (??!?) at our usual ice cold beer haunt on a friday night.
Ming trying to be POISED and COMPOSED in between flopping her head+ her by-then big messy hair on the table.
Ming with red swollen unopenable eyes that seemed to merged with her huge eyebags to form half a sphere. (really!)
Ming who kept giggling uncontrollably for no reason whatsoever.
Ming who couldn't walk straight after, and had to rely on external support sources (elBOH) to make it to the cab without embarrassing herself further.

Then again, the whole night wasn't really all about cannot make it ming.

There was also cannot make it SY, who dropped her cig a total of 3 times on the floor before she lit it up... (clapclapclap! well done!) As bing/chows said, GET A GRIP! ahahaha... damn corny.

There was cannot make it BOH, who kept huffing and puffing away like a chimney and pretending to be the saner one while taking countless hp pics of cannot make it ming.

There was cannot make it HOBBEEZ, who had a healthy red flush to add to his already tanned complexion, and a silly smile stuck on his face to boot.

There was cannot make it BING, who according to cannot make it boh, was trying to act cute the whole night with one raised eyebrow and the likes of it.

But of course, I didn't see cannot make it bing acting cute because I was blocked by cannot make it CHOWS, who even when talking nicely to me, sent fear shivers up and down my spine.

As cannot make it boh put it, it was a happy night indeed. And for all of the one hour and fifteen minutes I was there, it was a well-behaved one for me because chows was right next to me. hahahahahahahahaha...........

Only JAN remains can make it!!! yey! kawaii-neh! *pukes n dies*

Asahi Shinbun Yamagata Building

try.not.to.kill.dancing.pandas

Had originally wanted to post a blog on all things white and beautiful in lieu of the droolworthy iMacs and already indispensable ipods...


SANAA's NY Museum of Contemporary Art


Sejima's Asahi Shinbun Yamagata Building



Was super pissed off at the ugly loose-limbed 'dancing panda' today, and the scary thing is I know not why. There's just something that irks me everytime he talks, he sends hair raising on my back whenever he comes near (ie. within sight). I don't know when it happened or why it happened, but I hate him! I do I do I DO! Oh well... my mantra now is to thinkhappythoughtsthinkbrightcolourstrynottokilldancingpandas. Why does he have to come and squeeze in behind me right now when there's so much space in the entire office?!!? New Space became No Space. Grrrrrrrrr. Kill kill kill!

On a lighter note>>>


In happier times, darling jon and I. I've been looking through my old photos recently, and chanced upon a few that made me yearn for times of the past (and less flabby arms as evidenced by this photo.)

survivor.racers

I LOVE ROB AND AMBER! I do I do I do!

I love the way Rob schemes and plots and manipulates other teams in The Amazing Race
I love the way Amber complements him so well.
I love the chemistry they share.
I love the dimple on Amber's cheek.
I love the cap that Rob wears all the time, hiding his face in the semi-darkness only to reveal a slight sneer.
I love the way they hold hands all the time.
I love the way Amber supports Rob quietly, trusting that he always knows what to do best.
I love the fact that they are already millionaires.
I love the fact that they are so in love and having fun during the race.
I love Amber for being so drop-dead gorgeous all the time.
I love Rob for worshipping Amber like a goddess.
I love Rob for always staying cool under pressure.
I love Amber for holding her own against Rob.
I love them both for not taking the irritating gay couple seriously, flicking them off their backs much like one would do to a fly.


They have single-handedly raised The Amazing Race to a whole new level... What is there not to like about them? *swoon*

cc...take.responsibility.for.your.actions!

[11.38pm, One Shenton Way, 10th floor lift lobby]

One cc in the toilet,
One ambush instigated by sh the professional taupok-er,
One spineless jan who stupidly followed instructions,
One surprise retaliation by cc catching the ambushers off-guard,
One BIG FAT WAD of WET TISSUE thrown sengeh by cc,
One BIG FAT PATCH of WETNESS on
One BREAST (no need to specify whose... NOT a man-boob),
One reused wad of wet tissue picked up from the floor,
One lousy hamji sh hiding behind the office glass door,
One scruffle between jan n cc,
One smaller patch of wetness on cc's back,
One jan doubled up on the floor laughing her guts out,
One cc gasping for air with his red face,
One sh still hiding behind the office glass door.

Ahh my friends, my scandalous buddies, my taupok-ing kakis... what would life be without these frequent, implusive and oh-so spontaneous bouts of insanity that hits whenever it's just the 3 of us? Cc... I still maintain that you are asking for it, cos most of the times you're the one who kacheows sh first. AND, if I ever have trouble producing milk for my child in the future, I BLAME YOU!

So,
Be responsible. Aim properly.

ha.ha.ha.

Aquarius

As a humane and unconventional Aquarius, you excel in professions that make use of your innovative and unique life approach. Rules don't bother your way of thinking because you ignore them anyway. Rather, you attune to the universal will, which makes you quite a revolutionary individual.

There are a variety of occupations that would be right up your alley, for example being an inventor, astrologer, neurologist, computer scientist, pilot, demolition expert (!!!? use what to demolish? my butt ah?) , or cartoonist. For you, Aquarius, just about anything goes as long as you can apply your very own, often offbeat mark of originality.

As a freedom loving Aquarius, you may not find your main occupation for a long time and switch from one profession to another. All along the way, professions that allow you to be free and creative may be best for you, so at one point, you may consider working as a flight attendant(haha!) , do special effects for the film industry, or choose a profession that has to do with esoteric sciences such as astrology or tarot.

In the business world, you may discover early on that you can't do a 9-to-5 job, and instead look for unique and unusual professions that give you the freedom you need. You may decide to work as a freelancer and create your very own niche. Adventure, creativity, and independence need to be part of your career choice, otherwise you will not waste your time.

Coworkers admire your progressive and unique attitude. Your weird and peculiar outbursts may confuse them at times, but they still find your erratic and bizarre attitude refreshing.You are a friendly and humane boss, but sometimes you can seem detached and impersonal. You change from being tolerant to being stubborn, which proves that you are the most unpredictable sign of the zodiac.

The secret of your success is that you break out of conventional thought patterns and are able to discover new, workable paths. You are idealistic and resourceful and could play a role in creating the future technology of this planet.

the.foreignness.of.it.all

... Marco Polo imagined answering ( or Kublai Khan imagined his answer) that the more one was lost in unfamiliar quarters of distant cities, the more one understood the other cities he had crossed to arrive there; and he retraced the stages of his journeys, and he came to know the port from which he had set sail, and the familiar places of his youth, and the surroundings of home, and a little square of Venice where he gamboled as a child.

At this point Kublai Khan interrupted him or imagined interrupting him, or Marco Polo imagined himself interrupted, with a question such as: " You advance always with your back turned?" or "Is what you see always behind you?" or rather, "Does your journey take place only in the past?"

All this so that Marco Polo could explain or imagine explaining or be imagined explaining or succeed finally in explaining to himself that what he sought was always something lying ahead, and even if it was just a matter of the past it was a past that changed gradually as he advanced on his journey, because the traveller's past changes according to the route he has followed: not the immediate past, that is, to which each day that goes by adds a day, but the more remote past. Arriving at each new city, the traveller finds again a past of his that he did not know he had: the foreignness of what you no longer are or no longer possess lies in wait for you in foreign, unpossessed places... the traveller recognizes the little that is his, discovering the much he has not had and will never have...

[above excerpt from Italo Calvino's Invisible Cities, expressing in fluid terms all the surfacing hopes and anxieties that I am feeling with regards to studying abroad.]

Nostalgia Kills The Soul.
Had a chat about nostalgia with a good friend the other night. Not specifically centred on the notion of nostalgia per se, but on peripheral matters that related and somehow reminded me of things, experiences, friends gone by. It always makes me sad to dwell on matters like these, but yet, being the self-indulgent person that I am (yes, quoting from the great O.B., unhappiness IS the most insiduous form of self-indulgence), I always find myself floundering in excessive and uncalled-for self-misery. I hate looking back on the sad events of the past, because I'd always felt that the past is concreted in history and cannot be changed. Friends who used to be so close but are now not even a phonecall away, people whose company you thought you could never have survived a day without, stepped out of your life leaving footprints of invisible ghosts. Happy times now relegated to indifferent obscurity; emotional security now assimilated into satirical independence. Innocence once lost can never be regained; disillusionment once possessed cannot be discarded.

Yet as I turned the pages of Invisible Cities, this fresh perspective on a traveller's past (as we all are on life's journey) struck a chord inside of me. The present, as what we understand of it now, reveals itself more to us in the future in the form of the past. This is perhaps embodied in the power of evaluating on hindsight, with a clarity of mind that comes only with detachment and thereby objectivity. Words said, feelings felt, heartbreak endured, take on less significance after being subjected to the arduous testing of time. We decipher the past with the tools of the present, although I don't suppose that we understand any MORE of the past- it's a different kind of understanding that encroaches upon our present. Age, and a different mindset, lets us see things from a more streamlined angle. How we react to situations and circumstances now, bear their roots in our family upbringing and the kind of attention we received as a kid. Similarly, DISPLACEMENT in lands that are foreign to us, allows for a deeper connection with our heritage, and the notion of what it means to be Asian, to be Singaporean, to be a Tan, to be a part of my family. These are the hopes and aspirations of a would-be traveller- to possess what he never can have.

viva.la.bride!

Jo looking resplendent in her wedding gown during her trial makeup session! So diabetically sweet-looking heh.

bak.loo.loo

loo loo
skip to my loo
loo loo
skip to my loo
loo loo
skip to my loo
skip to my loo my darling


(blogspot is acting retarded tonight... and so I shall too!)

bunny.hop.

Some shocking revelations revealed themselves on confession night with my sec sch kakis. What had started out as an innocent birthday celebration eventually evolved into a night of talk about sex, sexuality, sexual preferences, and past lesbianic relationships within the inner circle of truth. It was a complex web of entanglement that circled back to our friendship 10 years back- much had happened under my very nose without me being the slightest bit aware of it. I had thought that we were all pure and innocent while we were young, and greatly treasured that period of my life, but it turns out that all superficial appearances dig deeper, all past actions have a perfectly logical reasoning behind them on hindsight, and true acceptance only comes after a certain point in friendship. I do treasure this group of friends; they do not judge me, nor I them. I suppose it's all well and good that things only come to light when we're all at this age and experienced more than we otherwise would have. I, once the homophobic, have gradually been weaned to accept and to love people as they are, to admire them for standing up for themselves, and to support them in search of their own happiness. If confession night had taken place 10 years ago, I would have been freaked out to death and my naivety totally shattered in an instant. 10 years down the road, what it leaves me with though, is a greater reluctance to open myself up to others as a form of self-protection, a higher level of disillusion about the notion of God and love, and a lower self-confidence. I still believe with a sinking feeling though (as I had when I was staying in hall), that sex, and not money, makes the world go round. Frankly, we humans really aren't all that different from bunnies.

and.the.winners.are...

The Jakarta JavaJazz Awards-

[Nominees for the Music Category]:
Tania Maria, George Duke, Earth+Wind+Fire, Incognito, James Brown

[Nominees for the Food Category]:
Bakmi Gajah Mada, Bakso Istimera, Pempek, Keropok, Ayam Suharti

[Nominees for the Transportation-in-a-jam Category]:
Feet, Catharina's car, Syasya's car, Bajay, Bluebird/Silverbird

[Nominees for the Leisure Category]:
Gymming, Taiti-ing, Swimming, Shopping, Taupok-ing

And the winners are:
Earth+Wind+Fire for their excellent showmanship and BeeGees-like vocal prowress
Bakmi GM for being the yummiest noodle on earth (And I kid you not!)
Bajay for the three-wheeled thrill of weaving in and out of traffic, and the excessive smoke pollution that caused me to have a coughing fit
Taupok-ing (albeit being a victim ain't as fun as being the taupok-er it seems)

Thanks to all companions and shorts buddies who made this trip more fun than it would have been without you guys! :)
[not forgetting ch, without whose smses I would have lost my sanity hehe]

the.face.of.d---th.

This might sound very creepy (and rightly so), but as I was making my way to work on Tuesday morning (later than usual), I somehow crossed paths with a funeral procession from the adjacent block to mine (same block that the police had cordoned off on sunday). It seems almost too much of a coincidence that I had to be late that very day, so that I would meet the mourners face-to-face. They were following the funeral van slowly, walking through the carpark that I have to cross in order to get to the MRT station, and as a result, I was literally forced to stop, and wait for them to cross, much as a car would wait for a flock of sheep to cross its path deep into the pastoral landscape.

I didn't think much about it until I went home that same night, only to find the void deck of my block occupied by another (yes, you guessed right) FUNERAL. At 4.30am in the morning, the lights of the makeshift funeral parlour, albeit bright, started to take on a ghostly glow. The wind began to turn chilly and the whispers of the the night rang hollow in my ears. As I hurried past the coffin, and heard the low drone of Buddhist chantings, I began to wonder why is it that death is being shoved into my face both day and night? I find funerals creepy indeed, and everytime I walk past one, my heart never fails to beat a tad harder, my feet unconditionally rushing a tad faster. Could this be a sign? I just pray for the safety of my loved ones right now.

villa.wellness.

As ch aptly put it, my second shot at being a household name. Heh. For those of you not in the know, stay that way until further notice. For those who already know, shut up, don't spoil the surprise. :p

i.love.my.job!

[Courtesy of kullwee the CrapChannel administrator, on one of his many madcap moments... to be sung to the tune of 'I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing']


I'd like to teach the world to love
Their perfect company
The wonderful pay,
Is great they say
And feeds my family.


His msn nick for the day - I love my job! the hours are great, the pay is fabulous! come join me!

haha.. totally and entirely warped. Okay I must be real bored to be blogging about such insignificant stuff... Actually I DO have a lot to say about the weekend that just passed... but all those words are eluding me right now. [read: I'm just too lazy.] Later then! :)

i.n.s.e.p.a.r.a.b.l.e

Inseparable
- Natalie Cole (I loved it when Jasmine Trias sang it during AI... it somehow came back to me today, especially the chorus part.)

Inseparable, that's how we'll always be,
Inseparable, just you and me
It's so wonderful to know you'll always be around me

Incredible, what you are to me,
Incredible, you bring out the woman in me
With your style of love, inseparable, yes, we are

We're like a flower to tree, like words to a melody of love
There's no way we can break up, no words that can make us blow our thing
We're just inseparable, that's how it is, inseparable for the rest of our years
It's so wonderful to know you'll always be around

mamma.mia

On saturday night, I met my sec school kakis for dinner at Waraku, a Jap restaurant located at Starhub Centre that serves excellent Jap food. The food was really yummy, especially the cold soba noodles and the paper steamboat with a special spicy soup. Mmmmmmmmmm... After dinner, we were supposed to pick up Grace's Ozzie theatre director friend, and adjourn over to Chinatown so that he could try the famous Frog Leg Porridge from there. The meeting place was the carpark in front of Somerset Mrt, the time 10.30pm.

Right after we were introduced to Darren in the car, we were on our way out of the carpark when we heard a sickening bumper-to-bumper crash at the front left corner of the car- the car directly in front of us had stupidly tried to reverse into a parking lot without first checking if there was any car behind, and it all happened so fast we had no time to react nor reverse backwards to make way for the retarded driver. The long and short of the whole matter was that the stupid shit refused to pay for damages, and we ended up trying to make a police report in fear that he would somehow manage to gain the upper hand on us, seeing how it was his back bumper to our front bumper... What a drama mama night! My first experience stepping into a police post, and what a sight it must have been! 5 secondary school friends and one angmoh. We spent the rest of the night chatting/snacking/beering/wining/desserting at my friend's place, where Darren proved to be a real charmer, as all ABCs are. (Oh and did I mention that he directed the Australian version of Mamma Mia when the musical made its way there? :p) His quotable quotes for the night- 'I come from a nation of alcoholics', and 'The circle of life: Wedding, Birth, Death. Nothing else in between.'

Just as a sidetrack, I wonder what's up with all these accidents I've been getting myself into nowadays. Right after Saturday's eventful night, as my dad and I made our way to church, we passed by a police cordoned-off area at the block of flats adjacent to ours. And we all know what that means don't we? Something fatal happened to someone. Sent shivers down my spine it did. They say bad luck happens in threes... well mine seems to come in multiples of threes. Sheesh.

and.so.it.is.

The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice -
the most heart-wrenching song on earth, my favourite song at the moment.


And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

hello.s.t.r.a.n.g.e.r.

Tonight during dinner a sudden realisation hit me. I felt rather sad when it did, because it was an obvious and simple conclusion yet it took me such a long time to realise it.

Some people, no matter how long you've known them, or how much time you spend around them in their company, remain strangers at best. You are never let into the intimate details of their lives, not knowing what they like or even what they are like as a friend. You hear stories about them but you do not comprehend; you hear their voices but you do not feign to listen; you see them within the company of close friends but there seems to be magnetic fields from opposite poles that repel you away from them. Distance is not as acutely felt in the physical as it is in the lack of emotional and spiritual connection. We become slightly more than mere acquaintances but ever so much more differentiated and alienated. With each shared experience, we draw further and further apart, until the gap inbetween overwhelms me with despair at times. Melancholy rushes over me in waves when I am in their company. 'Friends' for four years but I can hardly even remember a single heart-to-heart conversation, nor a moment of true friendship. I know nothing about them, just as they know nothing about me. If ever I were in trouble, would they lift a finger to help? If ever they were in need, would I offer mine in return? Strange then, that within that very circle are other people I really care about. Strange then, that one who is deemed talkative and loud in the company of some, should be reduced to a background shadow lurking around in the company of others. I am not their priority, and for the same reason, they are not mine. Why should one be made to feel so insecure all the time? Doubts of self-confidence and of stability in friendship, nagging concerns of the lack of group acceptance that never seems to fade away no matter how I try to ignore them. Why do I still hang around even when it becomes painfully obvious that I would much rather be somewhere else, with someone else? I couldn't help but wonder what went wrong along the way... Was it me? Was it them? Or is it just that we were simply not meant to be? Is that elusive connection a result of incompatible personalities or does it just stem from an ingrained disinterest over the years of forged friendship? Somehow I feel that if we all tried hard enough, and started to listen to one another more, this sinking boat might still be rescued in the nick of time. However, as inertia sets in, and things settled into a comfort zone, the likelihood of that happening is practically zilch. We can only keep up the pretence, until life leads us in our various routes, eventually splitting us apart and granting us the chance to starting anew all over again. It is the feeling of a bird cooped up in a cage, about to be set free.

VOTE.for.KERMS

If the subject title of this post doesn't say it clearly enough, let me repeat myself then. It's time to vote for Kerms at http://www.todayonline.com/! (So that she can win her iMac and I can get my cute musckle guy's number... hehehe) Voting ends on 27th Feb and everyone can only vote once, so please please vote for kerms and not joshua!

I've cast my vote. Have YOU? :)

RETARDI.c.a.d.

Today was a day of immense frustration due largely in part to the TOTALLY RETARDED programme ironically titled INTELLIcad. Well done. In order to save money, kiamsiap boss has decided to buy a lower-grade and supposedly similar cadding programme for the whole office. I think the price for an original Intellicad is about 300 bucks compared to a a 5000 for the autocad equivalent. After using the programme for 5 mins, I realised the reason (or reasonS) for the enormous disparity in pricing. Let me count the ways I hate thee:

1. Intellicad does not allow you to move n object based on a numerical distance. You have to click on a base point first and then click on a point that indicates the new position. Which means that even if you knew the exact distance of required displacement, you would have to first draw a line through that point of displacement (if there isn't already an existing one marking the position already) before moving the object to a point on that line. Alternatively, you could just agah-agah, which totally defeats the purpose of a computer drafting programme doesn't it?

2. Same thing goes for the stretch command, which becomes rendered rather useless since I have to offset the exact amount of stretch before I do it, I might as well complete the job with extend and trim. If stretch is done without a proper reference point, the object stretched goes into weird far-out shapes. (Now THAT is real originality for you!)

3. Intellicad requires you to click on a real point in order to indicate the direction for offsetting a line. Which means that if you wanted to offset a line to the right by 100mm, and there wasn't any other object to the right of that line, you would first have to draw an additional line on the right so that you would have a 'real point' to click onto when the offset command calls for it. Whatever happened to the computer's sense of directionality?!!?

4. Intellicad's undo button DOES NOT WORK. Period. This one is a real killer because anyone who has drafted before knows how immensely important the undo command is in autocad. With the undo command, there is nothing to fear. You draw, and if it looks wrong, it can be undone without any damage to the rest of the dwg. Not so with Intellicad though. Its undo command has its whims and fancies, jumping to another part of the drawing when pressed such that you CANNOT see what the hell you are undoing, skips many steps (ie the entire morning's work can be undone by just using the undo command ONCE.), and somehow seems to be able to undo everything except THE very one you want undone. I have since given up on undoing stuff. Now, I find it is less painful to delete and REDO.

5. Intellicad's response is absolutely retarded. Unlike autocad's smooth panning command (unless working with huge file sizes), Intellicad pans in jerks and stops, often jumping in the direction OPPOSITE of the one in which you are panning towards. Makes me feel like I have to pull the entire computer monitor along in order to see that part of the drawing that I want to see. Come on dammit! Commands take awhile to register, quick-saving files takes even longer (I can nod off while saving), programme hangs on simple delete commands, and every single command comes with an irritating pop-up box on the right hand side, that lists relevant commands that I have never seen before in autocad.

6. Intellicad 'misplaces' objects rather too frequently. When block entities are exploded, more often than not, certain portions of the block goes missing into the black hole that is the model space. Hatches also disappear without warning, and I really have no idea why it becomes like that.

7. Intellicad does not allow you to copy/paste objects based on a reference point. Which translates to flying objects all over the place whenever the paste command is used (especially when you're dealing with more than one drawing file at the same time that need to be referenced together.) Objects also rotate to weird angles even though the file which the object was copied from has exactly the same ucs as the file that the object is being pasted into. Zoom extents to find the flying objects take a long time, and this can get very very boring for the cadder as progress becomes slow and torturous.


I hate thee retardicad. I want to quit.

dishy.men

Here's a question for all you korean serialisers out there: Who is dishier? Lee Byung Hun (All's In) or Kwon Sang Woo (My Tutor Friend)? Check them out for yourself-

Lee: http://www.popscast.com/detail.asp?code=a_m&star=70
Kwon: http://www.popscast.com/detail.asp?star=1269&mode=view&photo=10324


Ch INSISTS that Kwon is dishier based on his height advantage over Lee, and also his imPECcable six-pack... but I think Lee wins just on face-value alone. What do YOU think? What will be the outcome of this Lee vs Kwon debate? (Ok I'm sure there are a lot more sites with yummilicious pics of the both of them out there, but I'm just too lazy to check for them right now, and besides, contrary to popular belief, I DO HAVE WORK TO DO OK!)

As an entertaining aside, after telling ch that I need a dishy guy with a six-pack to lean on, a gorgeous face to look at, and nice biceps to hold, he asked in return what they have to look at. "My boobs!" of course was my swift reply. The only asset I have to lay claim to. hahaha

"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Hoot hoot!"
"Hoot hoot who?"
"Hoot hoot we are jan's big knockers!"

This just totally kills me hahahaha.

ouch.

Have you ever felt so tired you couldn't even lift a leg to climb another stair, legs all wobbly and feeling absulutely jelly-like? Have you ever felt so sore you couldn't bend an arm to take off a t-shirt, and you curse at the thought of having to crane your arms behind your back just to put on a bra? Have you ever had to control your laughter, and to straighten your sitting posture so as not to aggravate your aching abs? Well, as sadistic as it may sound, I would like to experience all of the above everytime after a gym workout, because without a doubt, it would have been a GOOD one. The rush of adrenaline after, the tautness of muscle (albeit sadly temporal), the feeling of satisfaction at dispensing great amounts of energy, is one that nothing else in this world can compare to. (Except perhaps Godiva/small blue boxes tied with ribbon, as ming hrh would lay claim to.) The human body is indeed an amazing one- the amount of extreme pain one can tolerate, the will that the mind has over the body, the hidden resources of strength that emanate when there comes a need for it. I love the sharing of jokes with gym-buddies during, the healthy glow of after, the relaxation of muscles in the steam room, and the knowledge that I have yet again, completed my day in the best possible way. Now to deal with the aches that are bound to surface tomorrow. :)

c.o.r.n.sters.

Just some snippets of conversations I've had with friends today...


[Scene 1] - Killiney Kopitiam after lunch

Forgot-who-liao: It's painful leh...

CC (playing with his food, stabs a bone marrow with his fork, and waves it around): Bone-piercing pain!

Everyone: *groan*



[Scene 2] - NSIAP Office on msn

Boh (after kenna-ing arrow from yl to do impossible psd patchup work): She's mad... wants me to shift some interior columns in the perspective... in photoshop

Boh: She thinks I'm shen

Jan: You ARE shen what... psd shen

Boh: SHENjingbing

Jan: ............ haha erm... yeah exactly.


[Scene 3] - NSIAP Office on Outlook Express

ming: jan gym later?

boh: pa boh speaks: jan is free to gym with you. no need to take number today

ming: how come u keena become pa again? haha

boh: i moonlight as her PA.. she pays well..*gulp she just visited me in my little corner with mangoes.. such a understanding girl... *gulp*gulp*blink blink

boh to jan: visit me with peanuts! then i can say she pays me peanuts! bad corny joke day...ok back to psd-ing

jan: *groan*



With all these bad corny jokes flying around me everyday, how could you guys say that I am corny, and make remarks over my bad jokes?!!? I am reluctant to claim credit for all of them, and for influencing my friends to become fellow cornfields-in-the-making. I won't I won't I won't. Heh. *grins* Keep it up guys!

i.love.macky.mac

I promised kerms to do this for her: post an entry on my blog advertising her blog on Today's Test Drive A Mac competition. For three weeks ( I think it's coming to an end already right babes? go go go!), she, along with 9 other contestants, got to test drive a Mac computer FOR FREE. (That's right... ABSOLUTELY FREE.) From what I understand, each of the contestants got a choice of which Mac to test drive. Some requested for iBooks for portability reasons, Kerms, on the other hand, got to test drive a 20-inch iMac, that lucky lucky girl! Says the wide screen is damn damn nice... *green with envy* (I'm sure it is, looking at how charm's humongous plasma can transform the SATC experience...) The test drive comes with a catch though- they've each got to keep an online blog journal based on their Mac experience, with a minimum of 3 entries per week. At the end of it all, the top 3 bloggers who receive the most votes will eventually get to go home with a Mac computer of their own! Reading their entries make me feel itchy to get a Mac of my own, afterall, as ch says, we are all superficial beings... something so chio just has got to be desired! *rubs hands with glee* So here's the link to her blog, go read it and PLEASE VOTE FOR HER ok? I cannot reiterate the importance of doing that more... So that I can invite myself over to her house to play with her macky when she does get it FOR GOOD. :) (Although she has one heck of a cute droolsome-looking tech-savvy programmer competitor, we all know where our loyalties lie don't we? Behind you all the way kerms!) It can only be accessed via the todayonline webpage, so look for the link to the Test Drive A Mac competition. Also, you need to register with todayonline in order to be eligible to vote. Here goes!

http://www.todayonline.com/

rooster.booster.

I think what boh said about people being especially unlucky during the reign of their particular Chinese zodiac sign has some element of truth in it. This being the Year of the Rooster, bears bad omens for the rooster in me waiting to be unleashed. Pokpokpokgaehhhh!

1. Biggest loser at mahjong on my first ever attempt to play alone. 25 buckaroos! Or was it 30? I forget. Whatever happened to beginner's luck?

2. Witnessed an accident at the corner of Shenton Way and Cross Street while walking to RP MRT after work. Saw the poor motorcyclist literally flying out of his seat and landing quite a few metres away, as if in a surrealistic slow-motion clip off an action movie. It was the first accident I'd ever witnessed close up in my life. Reality came crashing down after that as, in a split second reaction, I had to jump out of the trajectory of the hurtling abandoned motorbike (which continued on its journey towards the pedestrian pavement where I was standing on after the car hit), and look on in frozen horror as the bike unsteadily teetered past and collided into a stationary parked motorcycle, before ending up as a crumpled heap barely 2 metres away from me. Yikes. (- -") After the initial shock, people started gathering around the injured motorcyclist, who was lying on the floor on his side, and unable to get up. There was no blood, thank God, or I would have fainted there and then, but as I plucked up my courage and went forward to offer my help, it was to be my virgin call made to 995 as well.

3. Supermega bad days (as evidenced by the post prior to this).

4. Saw a helmeted guy sprinting at top speed across the road, as I was making my way to my busstop from the direction of P.S. He was running so fast he actually tripped and fell just as he reached the pavement, sending his helmet flying off his head. He didn't stop to get it back, instead he picked himself up in a real hurry and continued his sprint on the pavement TOWARDS ME. At that point in time that I saw three other helmeted policemen chasing after him, the world flashed before my eyes in an instant. I realised some things concurrently:
I was all alone on the darkly lit, wide pavement; the bad guy being chased was running TOWARDS ME at topspeed; I SO did not want to become a hostage of any sort just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I hopped up a slight slope away from the pavement and from the scary guy, watching him run past me (phew) with the policemen screaming STOP HIM a la HongKong movie style. I must say this is the first time I'd ever seen policemen running on the streets looking like they were doing their job. (ooooo macho men!) After a bit more running, they managed to catch up with the elusive escapist, and pinned him to the ground in typical drama-mama fashion. I wonder what he was running away from, and I suspect it was merely a booking for a traffic offence, because the policemen let him go after a mere 10 min duration of booking/interrogation/pinning, and he went back to retrieve his helmet lying just beside the road. Such a crime-busting, heart-racing, law-breaker-chasing scene it was, and along the streets of Singapore!

CC says I should go pray or something since I seem to be so suay. Bleah. I declare I've had too much drama in my life recently. Can I please have less action?

thesis.extraordinaire?

The culmination of a bad day in general. I probably woke up on the wrong side of bed today, having spent a sleepless and unbearably humid night tossing and turning in bed for endless hours, wishing and praying that that blardee damned mosquito would stop sucking my blood in the darkness when my eyes could not feign to see it, and just drop dead and die immediately. I took a cab to work ( yes yes.. AGAIN. No wonder the measley bonus ain't enough to cover all my additional uncalled for cab rides that somehow bring me to a place I have to desire to be in), and first thing in the morning I became pissed at a good friend whose comments/internal joke/haha humour I got overly-sensitive about, interpreted in the worst possible direction, reacted in the worst possible way, and ended myself up in the worst possible dilemma. All meant in good fun, but meanie jan spoilt everything for everyone as usual. I seem to find myself at the giving end of such dramatics very often recently, and I can only apologise for adding too much 'spice' into everyone's life in a negative way. Please forgive me, (esp ming, boh, cc and those who have stuck with me thru thick and thin) I am trying to change. I snap and I bite often, but I almost always regret it the moment I do. Don't know what's overcome me nowadays, my mean streak has started to get the better of me. Where has the 'nice' in Janice gone to I wonder? I remember being a happy and loveable kid with a big heart once. Shaddup jan, shaddup, for the love of God, and learn to take life with a pinch of salt. "Learn to let go, there is no need to be thinking too much about it", Ch says, but me the petty little xiaoqigui resents that he is right, and that I am too proud to do so naturally. Oh, that pride would be my downfall, me the scum of the earth, the muck of the sea, the jam with the higher sugar content with enough insecurities to sink the Titanic a thousand times over. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. And whispering into the crack in the wall, I let go of this matter. I must learn to be nice all over again. And as a final crackdown to send me spiralling down to the depths of darkness again, Jon my darling boy informs me that he has some comments about the way I write on this blog. "Too detached', "disassociated", "cannot feel your personality" encapsulated the gist of it all. "It's almost as if you were writing a thesis all the time", he ventured. "Thesis extraodinaire?" (haha I SO wish jon... this comment will tide me through when I actually do start on my thesis ok?) Well thank you my dear, I will learn to take criticism constructively and not personally. I will not get angry, I will not bite. *SMILE* Perhaps I should learn to write more casually so that it's an easier read. (Lahs, lors, aiyohs anyone?) Not so introspective so that my friends feel like a part of my life. Write like how I feel and not how I process my feelings from my brain. Write about happier stuff? Or not write at all? This is me, believe it or not, meanie petty jannyjam, thesis extraodinaire. Tomorrow will be a better day! Will the idiotic mosquito drop dead and die now please, and can all the cabbies refuse to drive me to work tomorrow?


P.S. I guess jam has replaced lulu, and you guys can all stop laughing hysterically at the absurdity of the title of this post now. IF you even managed to make it through that whole paragraph above. :)

left.on.a.jet.plane

Certain events, often deemed as milestones on hindsight, have the power to alter one's course of life drastically, be it for the better or for the worse.

I suppose this can be considered one of them, although at the moment I'm really not too sure about the extent of impact it'll have on my life. What I do know for certain, is that someone's life is totally changed, and that person is my mom.

She left for New Zealand last evening, to join some friends (and some strangers) who were looking to expand their business, in a partnership that would take her away from her family for months and perhaps even years. Computer-illiterate once, she had to pick up new skills fast, and venture into new territories (by her own standards) boldly. Granted, she's still not exactly considered computer-savvy, but the amount of determination and dedication expended on her task at hand was undeniably admirable for a fifty-three coming to fifty-four year-old housewife. In her new job, she's got to adapt to an entirely new culture, a different way of thinking, and integrate with a new way of life. She's got to learn how to manage people of various nationalities, and look at things from a macro-level while keeping an eye on the nitty-gritties. She's got to be prepared to defend herself against vicious back-stabbing and company politics when the time calls for it, and not let herself get stepped roughshod over like she normally does. Being overly nice really doesn't pay equal dividends sometimes. I feel as if she's almost like a young, helpless, domesticated pup unleashed into the wild and set free to act as hunting prey for scary animals.

Where does love begin and where does love end? Knowing how much my mom wanted this, we could only learn to let her go. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to find herself in the world, to carve a niche for herself, to garner achievements under her belt, now that her three chicks have grown up, ready to leave the coop and fly away. Really, it's the least we could do for her, setting her free to pursue her dreams, and dragging her down no longer. Not that she considers us chores or undesirables, I'm certain she does not. But the irrevocable fact remains that by putting us, her family, first at every point in her life, she has consciously let her own aspirations take a backseat, a supporting role. Not that this business venture was decided upon out of pure selfishness, in fact, wanting to provide more adequately for the family played a huge part in her decision. Somehow, I sense though, that this time round, she wanted it for herself as much as for the family. And that's a good thing.

They say you never know what you have until you lose it. It's only been barely a day, but already the air in the house seems so musty, the floor so dusty, and the walls silent without echo. Everyone chips in to help out with the housework but I wonder how long can this fervour last? Soon, I suspect, the house will begin to look like a hurricane just hit it, the heap of washing/folding/ironing will start to pile up even further, the ants and infinite number of pesky creatures will have a ball of a time on the unvacuumed floor. What else can we do but try to cope as best as we can? Everyone, be it daughter, son, father or mother, has a right to lead their own lives as they deem fit.

After all, it's never too late to start living.

f.i.n.a.l.l.y.!

On the 14th Feb 2005, 5.00pm, my sister's bf finally proposed!

He caught her unawares in her room (still wearing grubby tee and shorts), and entered toting a ring+matching earrings (read: blingbling!), his fluttering stomach, a beautiful bouquet of 24 red roses, a guitar, and revised lyrics to the Adam Sandler song "Grow Old With You". (collective Awwwwwwwww......)

Here's what he sang to her (I managed to convince him to pass them over to me.. heh):

I wanna make you smile
Whenever you're sad
Go to the gym
When I'm getting fat
All I wanna do
Is grow old with you

I'll get you Buscopan
When your tummy aches
Do your markings
If they're newspaper cuttings
O, it could be so nice
Growing old with you

C: I'll miss you, kiss you
Give you my quilt when you are cold
Need you, feed you
I'll let you hold the remote control

Let me do the dishes
In our kitchen sink
Do the cooking
When you're ironing
O, I could be da man
Who grows old with you

I wanna grow old with you.

There's physical evidence because we documented the entire process... Photos coming up once they're uploaded and passes the censorship board! Heh. :) This is a really special Vday (although it was spent moping at home and taking countless naps).

indie.s.e.x.y

You Are Independent Sexy You drive men crazy with your "playing hard to get act" Except, it's really not an act at all. You're a strong, sexy woman with her own life and interests. And makes men even more interested in you! What Kind of Sexy Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

I think a major flaw in this test is that it automatically ASSUMES that you are sexy. Just what kind of sexy it seems. But what if you aren't sexy AT ALL? Kinda puts things on a whole new level of flightiness doesn't it? Now where are those men? Happy V Day everyone! Hope we all don't get left on the shelf and get hooked up with someone (anyone!) before we hit the big 40.

arh.chee.tek.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Spatial Intelligence

You've got a good sense of space and how the world around you looks. You can close your eyes and "see" images. You have innate artistic talent. An eye for color and shapes, you're also a natural designer. Since you think in pictures, visual aids and demonstartions help you learn best. You would make a good navigator, sculptor, visual artist, inventor, architect, interior designer, or engineer.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Got this off kerm's blog... She got the same result as well. She says architects have got fine minds? Seems like we're both destined to stick with architecture eh babe? *grin* Or perhaps I should consider a career change to a visual artist? Hmm. Interesting stuff this is.

beautifully.human.

Beautifully unashamedly human. Listening to the strains of Jill Scott's soulful vocals on her second album, I start to wonder what it really means to be beautifully human.

I am a boisterous river
I am a mountains story
I am a quiet healing
I am a fragrant flower
I am a moonlit evening
I am a peaceful nod
I am a writer's thinking
I am a welth unfathomed
And if you don't recognize my presence
I am here.

In my myopic perspective on life, being human constitutes the presence of flaws and cracks within the seeming perfection we all aspire to grasp. It is a very negative depressing outlook, much akin to saying that the glass is half empty instead of being half full. It is about the intolerance that we constantly feel towards people we care about, it is about the flagrant flaring of tempers and constant sulky disposition that clings like a black awful muck, it is about selfish endeavours at the expense of others, it is about a reluctance to let go and let love take over.

I am a source of power
I am excited journey
I am the rock of patience
I am a whisper singing
I am unbraided freedom
I am thought for the blinking
I am love unshattered
I am the great orgasm

Being human is one thing, but being beautifully human is another. The notion of being beautifully human does not in any way negate the flaws that we possess, but it talks about embracing those imperfections as qualities that make us all unique. It isn't a flauntering of the negative, but a quiet acceptance of being who we are, and knowing what makes us human. It is an acknowledgement of our shortcomings, supplanted by a conscious decision to keep them in check. It is embracing what life has to offer, imperatively rooted in a sincere appreciation of what God has given us. It is Grandma Sophie in Miyazaki's Howl's Moving Castle, it is Mr 'boing-boing' Turnip-head, it is Calcifer at the very end.

Be Beautifully Human. And be proud of it.

mimi.lala.lorlor.

jan, elsie cha-cha + jo: Three beauties hamming it up in front of the sneaky cameraman (ie. dad. Again.) Green is the new red!

good.batter.bestest!

super chio half-french cousin ailing who's studying art history in france is oh-so-hip-and-funky... keep batting those lovely eyelashes babe!

excuse.me.are.you.a.model?

super chio half-french cousin ailing striking an inpromptu pose for the sneaky cameraman (ie. dad)

auntie.jan.

baby kyra, jan + jo: Maternal instincts coming into play finally? eeks. I hate babies.. I really do. Especially when they scream their lungs out and all eardrums within the radius of 1km pops as a result. Fortunately, baby kyra here is as docile as a deer, due in no small part to the comfortable 'cushioned' arms she rests on. :)

first.kiss.

jonah and luohan sitting on a tree... K-I-S-S-I-N-G *muak!*

jonah+jan

gong.xi.fa.cai.

Annual traditional bai-nian-ing to parents in living room on the 1st day of Chinese New Year before setting out for relatives' houses.

happy.c.n.y.2005!

Woah. This has become such an unfamiliar feeling. (Blogging that is.) It almost seems surreal that I can get to do this in the comfort of my own home and in broad daylight! Hmmm... where shall I start from after such a long period of inactivity? There's been too many things happening around: Yvette and nik leaving for aust, work, movie outings, work, gym sessions with ch, work, birthdays that have come and gone, work, cookout at boh's (read ch's blog "two marthas, six manslaves, one janice..." where I was condemned as being inept in a kitchen setting), work, beer+chix wings+peanuts, work, diet pineapple tarts + yummilicious jap green pea cookies, work, russell wong's exhibition, work, celebrations at little bali with sec sch kakis, work, wonderfully manicured nails + torturous eating at crystal jade immediately after........ Gosh. How ever can one fit so many activities into a single lifetime?

It seems to me that I have nothing much to say nowadays (hence the silence on this blog). Nothing as funny and entertaining as ch, nothing as whimsical and fluffy as ming, nothing as thought-provoking and deep as yuwen, nothing as everyday as leesh, nothing as been-there-done-that as elyse, nothing as crappy as crapchannel kullwee, nothing as sincere and honest-to-the-heart as stacey, nothing as straightforward and emotionally-grabbing as kerms. Nothing. Zilch. Great... Now the word 'nothing' is even starting to look weird on me. I don't even have nothing anymore.

Anyway, Happy Chinese New Year to one and all, Gong Xi Fa Cai, Hong Bao Na Lai (That must be the only Chinese phrase I really understand heh). May you be prosperous as you spread your fortune to me. :) Time to look forward to collecting all the red packets even though the numerical value of the total sum collected seems to diminish and wane into inconspicuous existence by the year. Time to reiterate one's goals in life/plans for the future/current standing in the big bad working world to the high heavens, time to put on that smile and greet countless strangers with great zeal and energy (some of whom have been strangers you meet every year since you were born). Chinese NewYear. It's so tiring I cannot believe we put ourselves up to it annually. All the same, this year's celebrations are especially poignant to me, considering how I might not get to enjoy the entire process again for the next few years if all goes well in the area of overseas education. I'm not sure what I'll miss more though: the money, or the child-like anticipation of it? *grins*

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! I'm glad to be a Chinese I really am. (Slitty eyes and flat nose notwithstanding of course.)

what.is.life?

Life works in strange ways, yuwen said when I broke the news to her. Mrs Creffield (also known to us affectionately as Mrs C in acjc, head of the lit department and formidable independent and intellectual woman, coach of the accolade-winning national debate team, passionate teacher and incredible mentor), lost her husband to a rock-climbing accident on saturday morning. The whole irony of the matter was that they had just managed to return unscathed from phuket where they had been holidaying when the tsunamis struck. Having made it back to Singapore safe and sound, he went for his usual weekend mountain-climbing, and that was when tragedy struck.

As a tribute to Mrs C's fame in the teaching circles, the news of her husband's death was reported in an article in Sunday Times page 3. This death leaves her all alone without any children to depend on when she grows old, without any companionship when her eyesight fails her and her senses start to numb. What is life that it could be so fragile? That one could lose it in an instant just as much as one could gain it? As much as I was never really close to Mrs C, and definitely not close to her heart as wen and the rest of the debaters are, I somehow feel an urge to show her that in her time of personal loss and sorrow, there are people who are willing to sacrifice their time and energy to support her, just as she had done the same for us in our time of need. To our beloved Mrs C, stay strong of mind and calm in spirit, our thoughts are continually with you now.