New.York.New.York
I was talking to my friend the other day, and she remarked that a lot of the times, we take the charm of New York for granted. Everyday, we walk past these places that have significant historical and/or cultural value, and we gloss over them without really comprehending the sheer magnificence of it all. Ahh... the lure of being in New York City. Entire songs have eschewed its brilliance, whole movies have been centred on capturing the essence of its beauty... Delirious New York was written to expound on the theme of Manhattanism, an urban/societal condition that is as much a marvellous creation/manipulation as much as utopian Singapore's. For all the grime and inefficiency of the subways, the accumulation of garbage on its sidewalks, and the constant forced interactions with its legions of rats, something has to be said about this city that continues to charm the socks off people. Is it merely the idea of New York or the actual place that we have fallen in love with?
Walking past Washington Square, I was informed that jazz greats like Jimi Hendrix used to hang out there. Past the corner, Mamoun's, a tiny unassuming place that churns out fantastic falafels for an amazingly low price, was where my friend once stood with Beck in line behind him. We walked the sidewalks in the footsteps of the famous and the brilliant, we follow in the paths of millions who have gone before us. I recognized the neighbourhood in Brooklyn a mere couple of blocks away from school where scenes from Munich were shot in- I was standing just out of the camera's angle while they were shooting it because I had happened to chance upon the movie set after school one day. I bite into a vodka sauce pizza in SoHo, and I taste the layers of history in it... Ray's, Lombardi's, Luigi's, Grimaldi's, Totonno's... The best pizza is indeed to be found right here, in the echelons of the ubiquituous pizzarias in New York. I look over to my right while taking a yellow cab back towards Brooklyn from a night out in Manhattan, and I see the well-known sight of Brooklyn Bridge, lit up by a thousand beautiful lights. The Empire State building is clothed in varying combinations of canary yellow and pure white tonight, and it is gorgeous from my vantage point. I remember walking in the renowned Meatpacking district with sy, and wondering which window it was that Sam Jones stuck her head out of to shout at the trannies. Sipping my cosmos, watching the people. History, fiction or otherwise, can be such an alluring trap that reveres the romantic idea and blinds us to the harsh and oftentimes smelly reality of it all.
There is so much to be grateful for, and so much to experience, and yet why do I choose to hole up in my room, revel in my self-deprecating misery and allow myself to feel completely inadequate and unworthy? I totally agree with yvette about how trying to be brave and independent inadvertently becomes a taxing endeavour... I do feel tired, and that's perhaps why most of the times I would rather stay at home and catch up on sleep, than to take a solitary walk into an area of the neighbourhood, or to go into the city and explore a new part of it. Maybe not being physically located in the heart of Manhattan has a lot to do with my detachment towards the cliche of New York. I literally do not know my way around the city- it remains an enigma even after nearly 8 months of living here. And sad as it seems, it would probably take a miracle to reverse the downhill spiral of school-home-home-school that I've tumbled into. I'm optimistic though, that after these two years here, I will emerge a stronger person. I will miss New York for what she has given to me; for the buskers in the subways that bring music to my ears, for the accepting smile and the slightest nod from a random stranger in the street that gives hope to my soul, for the few but true friends who really care. I choose to look beyond the hurts and the ugliness, to overlook the selfishness and imperfections, and to appreciate and cherish the chance that has been bestowed upon me. I choose to live, and to live it up well, come what may. I will not let New York down.
