and.so.it.is.

The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice -
the most heart-wrenching song on earth, my favourite song at the moment.


And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

hello.s.t.r.a.n.g.e.r.

Tonight during dinner a sudden realisation hit me. I felt rather sad when it did, because it was an obvious and simple conclusion yet it took me such a long time to realise it.

Some people, no matter how long you've known them, or how much time you spend around them in their company, remain strangers at best. You are never let into the intimate details of their lives, not knowing what they like or even what they are like as a friend. You hear stories about them but you do not comprehend; you hear their voices but you do not feign to listen; you see them within the company of close friends but there seems to be magnetic fields from opposite poles that repel you away from them. Distance is not as acutely felt in the physical as it is in the lack of emotional and spiritual connection. We become slightly more than mere acquaintances but ever so much more differentiated and alienated. With each shared experience, we draw further and further apart, until the gap inbetween overwhelms me with despair at times. Melancholy rushes over me in waves when I am in their company. 'Friends' for four years but I can hardly even remember a single heart-to-heart conversation, nor a moment of true friendship. I know nothing about them, just as they know nothing about me. If ever I were in trouble, would they lift a finger to help? If ever they were in need, would I offer mine in return? Strange then, that within that very circle are other people I really care about. Strange then, that one who is deemed talkative and loud in the company of some, should be reduced to a background shadow lurking around in the company of others. I am not their priority, and for the same reason, they are not mine. Why should one be made to feel so insecure all the time? Doubts of self-confidence and of stability in friendship, nagging concerns of the lack of group acceptance that never seems to fade away no matter how I try to ignore them. Why do I still hang around even when it becomes painfully obvious that I would much rather be somewhere else, with someone else? I couldn't help but wonder what went wrong along the way... Was it me? Was it them? Or is it just that we were simply not meant to be? Is that elusive connection a result of incompatible personalities or does it just stem from an ingrained disinterest over the years of forged friendship? Somehow I feel that if we all tried hard enough, and started to listen to one another more, this sinking boat might still be rescued in the nick of time. However, as inertia sets in, and things settled into a comfort zone, the likelihood of that happening is practically zilch. We can only keep up the pretence, until life leads us in our various routes, eventually splitting us apart and granting us the chance to starting anew all over again. It is the feeling of a bird cooped up in a cage, about to be set free.

VOTE.for.KERMS

If the subject title of this post doesn't say it clearly enough, let me repeat myself then. It's time to vote for Kerms at http://www.todayonline.com/! (So that she can win her iMac and I can get my cute musckle guy's number... hehehe) Voting ends on 27th Feb and everyone can only vote once, so please please vote for kerms and not joshua!

I've cast my vote. Have YOU? :)

RETARDI.c.a.d.

Today was a day of immense frustration due largely in part to the TOTALLY RETARDED programme ironically titled INTELLIcad. Well done. In order to save money, kiamsiap boss has decided to buy a lower-grade and supposedly similar cadding programme for the whole office. I think the price for an original Intellicad is about 300 bucks compared to a a 5000 for the autocad equivalent. After using the programme for 5 mins, I realised the reason (or reasonS) for the enormous disparity in pricing. Let me count the ways I hate thee:

1. Intellicad does not allow you to move n object based on a numerical distance. You have to click on a base point first and then click on a point that indicates the new position. Which means that even if you knew the exact distance of required displacement, you would have to first draw a line through that point of displacement (if there isn't already an existing one marking the position already) before moving the object to a point on that line. Alternatively, you could just agah-agah, which totally defeats the purpose of a computer drafting programme doesn't it?

2. Same thing goes for the stretch command, which becomes rendered rather useless since I have to offset the exact amount of stretch before I do it, I might as well complete the job with extend and trim. If stretch is done without a proper reference point, the object stretched goes into weird far-out shapes. (Now THAT is real originality for you!)

3. Intellicad requires you to click on a real point in order to indicate the direction for offsetting a line. Which means that if you wanted to offset a line to the right by 100mm, and there wasn't any other object to the right of that line, you would first have to draw an additional line on the right so that you would have a 'real point' to click onto when the offset command calls for it. Whatever happened to the computer's sense of directionality?!!?

4. Intellicad's undo button DOES NOT WORK. Period. This one is a real killer because anyone who has drafted before knows how immensely important the undo command is in autocad. With the undo command, there is nothing to fear. You draw, and if it looks wrong, it can be undone without any damage to the rest of the dwg. Not so with Intellicad though. Its undo command has its whims and fancies, jumping to another part of the drawing when pressed such that you CANNOT see what the hell you are undoing, skips many steps (ie the entire morning's work can be undone by just using the undo command ONCE.), and somehow seems to be able to undo everything except THE very one you want undone. I have since given up on undoing stuff. Now, I find it is less painful to delete and REDO.

5. Intellicad's response is absolutely retarded. Unlike autocad's smooth panning command (unless working with huge file sizes), Intellicad pans in jerks and stops, often jumping in the direction OPPOSITE of the one in which you are panning towards. Makes me feel like I have to pull the entire computer monitor along in order to see that part of the drawing that I want to see. Come on dammit! Commands take awhile to register, quick-saving files takes even longer (I can nod off while saving), programme hangs on simple delete commands, and every single command comes with an irritating pop-up box on the right hand side, that lists relevant commands that I have never seen before in autocad.

6. Intellicad 'misplaces' objects rather too frequently. When block entities are exploded, more often than not, certain portions of the block goes missing into the black hole that is the model space. Hatches also disappear without warning, and I really have no idea why it becomes like that.

7. Intellicad does not allow you to copy/paste objects based on a reference point. Which translates to flying objects all over the place whenever the paste command is used (especially when you're dealing with more than one drawing file at the same time that need to be referenced together.) Objects also rotate to weird angles even though the file which the object was copied from has exactly the same ucs as the file that the object is being pasted into. Zoom extents to find the flying objects take a long time, and this can get very very boring for the cadder as progress becomes slow and torturous.


I hate thee retardicad. I want to quit.

dishy.men

Here's a question for all you korean serialisers out there: Who is dishier? Lee Byung Hun (All's In) or Kwon Sang Woo (My Tutor Friend)? Check them out for yourself-

Lee: http://www.popscast.com/detail.asp?code=a_m&star=70
Kwon: http://www.popscast.com/detail.asp?star=1269&mode=view&photo=10324


Ch INSISTS that Kwon is dishier based on his height advantage over Lee, and also his imPECcable six-pack... but I think Lee wins just on face-value alone. What do YOU think? What will be the outcome of this Lee vs Kwon debate? (Ok I'm sure there are a lot more sites with yummilicious pics of the both of them out there, but I'm just too lazy to check for them right now, and besides, contrary to popular belief, I DO HAVE WORK TO DO OK!)

As an entertaining aside, after telling ch that I need a dishy guy with a six-pack to lean on, a gorgeous face to look at, and nice biceps to hold, he asked in return what they have to look at. "My boobs!" of course was my swift reply. The only asset I have to lay claim to. hahaha

"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Hoot hoot!"
"Hoot hoot who?"
"Hoot hoot we are jan's big knockers!"

This just totally kills me hahahaha.

ouch.

Have you ever felt so tired you couldn't even lift a leg to climb another stair, legs all wobbly and feeling absulutely jelly-like? Have you ever felt so sore you couldn't bend an arm to take off a t-shirt, and you curse at the thought of having to crane your arms behind your back just to put on a bra? Have you ever had to control your laughter, and to straighten your sitting posture so as not to aggravate your aching abs? Well, as sadistic as it may sound, I would like to experience all of the above everytime after a gym workout, because without a doubt, it would have been a GOOD one. The rush of adrenaline after, the tautness of muscle (albeit sadly temporal), the feeling of satisfaction at dispensing great amounts of energy, is one that nothing else in this world can compare to. (Except perhaps Godiva/small blue boxes tied with ribbon, as ming hrh would lay claim to.) The human body is indeed an amazing one- the amount of extreme pain one can tolerate, the will that the mind has over the body, the hidden resources of strength that emanate when there comes a need for it. I love the sharing of jokes with gym-buddies during, the healthy glow of after, the relaxation of muscles in the steam room, and the knowledge that I have yet again, completed my day in the best possible way. Now to deal with the aches that are bound to surface tomorrow. :)

c.o.r.n.sters.

Just some snippets of conversations I've had with friends today...


[Scene 1] - Killiney Kopitiam after lunch

Forgot-who-liao: It's painful leh...

CC (playing with his food, stabs a bone marrow with his fork, and waves it around): Bone-piercing pain!

Everyone: *groan*



[Scene 2] - NSIAP Office on msn

Boh (after kenna-ing arrow from yl to do impossible psd patchup work): She's mad... wants me to shift some interior columns in the perspective... in photoshop

Boh: She thinks I'm shen

Jan: You ARE shen what... psd shen

Boh: SHENjingbing

Jan: ............ haha erm... yeah exactly.


[Scene 3] - NSIAP Office on Outlook Express

ming: jan gym later?

boh: pa boh speaks: jan is free to gym with you. no need to take number today

ming: how come u keena become pa again? haha

boh: i moonlight as her PA.. she pays well..*gulp she just visited me in my little corner with mangoes.. such a understanding girl... *gulp*gulp*blink blink

boh to jan: visit me with peanuts! then i can say she pays me peanuts! bad corny joke day...ok back to psd-ing

jan: *groan*



With all these bad corny jokes flying around me everyday, how could you guys say that I am corny, and make remarks over my bad jokes?!!? I am reluctant to claim credit for all of them, and for influencing my friends to become fellow cornfields-in-the-making. I won't I won't I won't. Heh. *grins* Keep it up guys!

i.love.macky.mac

I promised kerms to do this for her: post an entry on my blog advertising her blog on Today's Test Drive A Mac competition. For three weeks ( I think it's coming to an end already right babes? go go go!), she, along with 9 other contestants, got to test drive a Mac computer FOR FREE. (That's right... ABSOLUTELY FREE.) From what I understand, each of the contestants got a choice of which Mac to test drive. Some requested for iBooks for portability reasons, Kerms, on the other hand, got to test drive a 20-inch iMac, that lucky lucky girl! Says the wide screen is damn damn nice... *green with envy* (I'm sure it is, looking at how charm's humongous plasma can transform the SATC experience...) The test drive comes with a catch though- they've each got to keep an online blog journal based on their Mac experience, with a minimum of 3 entries per week. At the end of it all, the top 3 bloggers who receive the most votes will eventually get to go home with a Mac computer of their own! Reading their entries make me feel itchy to get a Mac of my own, afterall, as ch says, we are all superficial beings... something so chio just has got to be desired! *rubs hands with glee* So here's the link to her blog, go read it and PLEASE VOTE FOR HER ok? I cannot reiterate the importance of doing that more... So that I can invite myself over to her house to play with her macky when she does get it FOR GOOD. :) (Although she has one heck of a cute droolsome-looking tech-savvy programmer competitor, we all know where our loyalties lie don't we? Behind you all the way kerms!) It can only be accessed via the todayonline webpage, so look for the link to the Test Drive A Mac competition. Also, you need to register with todayonline in order to be eligible to vote. Here goes!

http://www.todayonline.com/

rooster.booster.

I think what boh said about people being especially unlucky during the reign of their particular Chinese zodiac sign has some element of truth in it. This being the Year of the Rooster, bears bad omens for the rooster in me waiting to be unleashed. Pokpokpokgaehhhh!

1. Biggest loser at mahjong on my first ever attempt to play alone. 25 buckaroos! Or was it 30? I forget. Whatever happened to beginner's luck?

2. Witnessed an accident at the corner of Shenton Way and Cross Street while walking to RP MRT after work. Saw the poor motorcyclist literally flying out of his seat and landing quite a few metres away, as if in a surrealistic slow-motion clip off an action movie. It was the first accident I'd ever witnessed close up in my life. Reality came crashing down after that as, in a split second reaction, I had to jump out of the trajectory of the hurtling abandoned motorbike (which continued on its journey towards the pedestrian pavement where I was standing on after the car hit), and look on in frozen horror as the bike unsteadily teetered past and collided into a stationary parked motorcycle, before ending up as a crumpled heap barely 2 metres away from me. Yikes. (- -") After the initial shock, people started gathering around the injured motorcyclist, who was lying on the floor on his side, and unable to get up. There was no blood, thank God, or I would have fainted there and then, but as I plucked up my courage and went forward to offer my help, it was to be my virgin call made to 995 as well.

3. Supermega bad days (as evidenced by the post prior to this).

4. Saw a helmeted guy sprinting at top speed across the road, as I was making my way to my busstop from the direction of P.S. He was running so fast he actually tripped and fell just as he reached the pavement, sending his helmet flying off his head. He didn't stop to get it back, instead he picked himself up in a real hurry and continued his sprint on the pavement TOWARDS ME. At that point in time that I saw three other helmeted policemen chasing after him, the world flashed before my eyes in an instant. I realised some things concurrently:
I was all alone on the darkly lit, wide pavement; the bad guy being chased was running TOWARDS ME at topspeed; I SO did not want to become a hostage of any sort just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I hopped up a slight slope away from the pavement and from the scary guy, watching him run past me (phew) with the policemen screaming STOP HIM a la HongKong movie style. I must say this is the first time I'd ever seen policemen running on the streets looking like they were doing their job. (ooooo macho men!) After a bit more running, they managed to catch up with the elusive escapist, and pinned him to the ground in typical drama-mama fashion. I wonder what he was running away from, and I suspect it was merely a booking for a traffic offence, because the policemen let him go after a mere 10 min duration of booking/interrogation/pinning, and he went back to retrieve his helmet lying just beside the road. Such a crime-busting, heart-racing, law-breaker-chasing scene it was, and along the streets of Singapore!

CC says I should go pray or something since I seem to be so suay. Bleah. I declare I've had too much drama in my life recently. Can I please have less action?

thesis.extraordinaire?

The culmination of a bad day in general. I probably woke up on the wrong side of bed today, having spent a sleepless and unbearably humid night tossing and turning in bed for endless hours, wishing and praying that that blardee damned mosquito would stop sucking my blood in the darkness when my eyes could not feign to see it, and just drop dead and die immediately. I took a cab to work ( yes yes.. AGAIN. No wonder the measley bonus ain't enough to cover all my additional uncalled for cab rides that somehow bring me to a place I have to desire to be in), and first thing in the morning I became pissed at a good friend whose comments/internal joke/haha humour I got overly-sensitive about, interpreted in the worst possible direction, reacted in the worst possible way, and ended myself up in the worst possible dilemma. All meant in good fun, but meanie jan spoilt everything for everyone as usual. I seem to find myself at the giving end of such dramatics very often recently, and I can only apologise for adding too much 'spice' into everyone's life in a negative way. Please forgive me, (esp ming, boh, cc and those who have stuck with me thru thick and thin) I am trying to change. I snap and I bite often, but I almost always regret it the moment I do. Don't know what's overcome me nowadays, my mean streak has started to get the better of me. Where has the 'nice' in Janice gone to I wonder? I remember being a happy and loveable kid with a big heart once. Shaddup jan, shaddup, for the love of God, and learn to take life with a pinch of salt. "Learn to let go, there is no need to be thinking too much about it", Ch says, but me the petty little xiaoqigui resents that he is right, and that I am too proud to do so naturally. Oh, that pride would be my downfall, me the scum of the earth, the muck of the sea, the jam with the higher sugar content with enough insecurities to sink the Titanic a thousand times over. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. And whispering into the crack in the wall, I let go of this matter. I must learn to be nice all over again. And as a final crackdown to send me spiralling down to the depths of darkness again, Jon my darling boy informs me that he has some comments about the way I write on this blog. "Too detached', "disassociated", "cannot feel your personality" encapsulated the gist of it all. "It's almost as if you were writing a thesis all the time", he ventured. "Thesis extraodinaire?" (haha I SO wish jon... this comment will tide me through when I actually do start on my thesis ok?) Well thank you my dear, I will learn to take criticism constructively and not personally. I will not get angry, I will not bite. *SMILE* Perhaps I should learn to write more casually so that it's an easier read. (Lahs, lors, aiyohs anyone?) Not so introspective so that my friends feel like a part of my life. Write like how I feel and not how I process my feelings from my brain. Write about happier stuff? Or not write at all? This is me, believe it or not, meanie petty jannyjam, thesis extraodinaire. Tomorrow will be a better day! Will the idiotic mosquito drop dead and die now please, and can all the cabbies refuse to drive me to work tomorrow?


P.S. I guess jam has replaced lulu, and you guys can all stop laughing hysterically at the absurdity of the title of this post now. IF you even managed to make it through that whole paragraph above. :)

left.on.a.jet.plane

Certain events, often deemed as milestones on hindsight, have the power to alter one's course of life drastically, be it for the better or for the worse.

I suppose this can be considered one of them, although at the moment I'm really not too sure about the extent of impact it'll have on my life. What I do know for certain, is that someone's life is totally changed, and that person is my mom.

She left for New Zealand last evening, to join some friends (and some strangers) who were looking to expand their business, in a partnership that would take her away from her family for months and perhaps even years. Computer-illiterate once, she had to pick up new skills fast, and venture into new territories (by her own standards) boldly. Granted, she's still not exactly considered computer-savvy, but the amount of determination and dedication expended on her task at hand was undeniably admirable for a fifty-three coming to fifty-four year-old housewife. In her new job, she's got to adapt to an entirely new culture, a different way of thinking, and integrate with a new way of life. She's got to learn how to manage people of various nationalities, and look at things from a macro-level while keeping an eye on the nitty-gritties. She's got to be prepared to defend herself against vicious back-stabbing and company politics when the time calls for it, and not let herself get stepped roughshod over like she normally does. Being overly nice really doesn't pay equal dividends sometimes. I feel as if she's almost like a young, helpless, domesticated pup unleashed into the wild and set free to act as hunting prey for scary animals.

Where does love begin and where does love end? Knowing how much my mom wanted this, we could only learn to let her go. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to find herself in the world, to carve a niche for herself, to garner achievements under her belt, now that her three chicks have grown up, ready to leave the coop and fly away. Really, it's the least we could do for her, setting her free to pursue her dreams, and dragging her down no longer. Not that she considers us chores or undesirables, I'm certain she does not. But the irrevocable fact remains that by putting us, her family, first at every point in her life, she has consciously let her own aspirations take a backseat, a supporting role. Not that this business venture was decided upon out of pure selfishness, in fact, wanting to provide more adequately for the family played a huge part in her decision. Somehow, I sense though, that this time round, she wanted it for herself as much as for the family. And that's a good thing.

They say you never know what you have until you lose it. It's only been barely a day, but already the air in the house seems so musty, the floor so dusty, and the walls silent without echo. Everyone chips in to help out with the housework but I wonder how long can this fervour last? Soon, I suspect, the house will begin to look like a hurricane just hit it, the heap of washing/folding/ironing will start to pile up even further, the ants and infinite number of pesky creatures will have a ball of a time on the unvacuumed floor. What else can we do but try to cope as best as we can? Everyone, be it daughter, son, father or mother, has a right to lead their own lives as they deem fit.

After all, it's never too late to start living.

f.i.n.a.l.l.y.!

On the 14th Feb 2005, 5.00pm, my sister's bf finally proposed!

He caught her unawares in her room (still wearing grubby tee and shorts), and entered toting a ring+matching earrings (read: blingbling!), his fluttering stomach, a beautiful bouquet of 24 red roses, a guitar, and revised lyrics to the Adam Sandler song "Grow Old With You". (collective Awwwwwwwww......)

Here's what he sang to her (I managed to convince him to pass them over to me.. heh):

I wanna make you smile
Whenever you're sad
Go to the gym
When I'm getting fat
All I wanna do
Is grow old with you

I'll get you Buscopan
When your tummy aches
Do your markings
If they're newspaper cuttings
O, it could be so nice
Growing old with you

C: I'll miss you, kiss you
Give you my quilt when you are cold
Need you, feed you
I'll let you hold the remote control

Let me do the dishes
In our kitchen sink
Do the cooking
When you're ironing
O, I could be da man
Who grows old with you

I wanna grow old with you.

There's physical evidence because we documented the entire process... Photos coming up once they're uploaded and passes the censorship board! Heh. :) This is a really special Vday (although it was spent moping at home and taking countless naps).

indie.s.e.x.y

You Are Independent Sexy You drive men crazy with your "playing hard to get act" Except, it's really not an act at all. You're a strong, sexy woman with her own life and interests. And makes men even more interested in you! What Kind of Sexy Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

I think a major flaw in this test is that it automatically ASSUMES that you are sexy. Just what kind of sexy it seems. But what if you aren't sexy AT ALL? Kinda puts things on a whole new level of flightiness doesn't it? Now where are those men? Happy V Day everyone! Hope we all don't get left on the shelf and get hooked up with someone (anyone!) before we hit the big 40.

arh.chee.tek.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Spatial Intelligence

You've got a good sense of space and how the world around you looks. You can close your eyes and "see" images. You have innate artistic talent. An eye for color and shapes, you're also a natural designer. Since you think in pictures, visual aids and demonstartions help you learn best. You would make a good navigator, sculptor, visual artist, inventor, architect, interior designer, or engineer.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Got this off kerm's blog... She got the same result as well. She says architects have got fine minds? Seems like we're both destined to stick with architecture eh babe? *grin* Or perhaps I should consider a career change to a visual artist? Hmm. Interesting stuff this is.

beautifully.human.

Beautifully unashamedly human. Listening to the strains of Jill Scott's soulful vocals on her second album, I start to wonder what it really means to be beautifully human.

I am a boisterous river
I am a mountains story
I am a quiet healing
I am a fragrant flower
I am a moonlit evening
I am a peaceful nod
I am a writer's thinking
I am a welth unfathomed
And if you don't recognize my presence
I am here.

In my myopic perspective on life, being human constitutes the presence of flaws and cracks within the seeming perfection we all aspire to grasp. It is a very negative depressing outlook, much akin to saying that the glass is half empty instead of being half full. It is about the intolerance that we constantly feel towards people we care about, it is about the flagrant flaring of tempers and constant sulky disposition that clings like a black awful muck, it is about selfish endeavours at the expense of others, it is about a reluctance to let go and let love take over.

I am a source of power
I am excited journey
I am the rock of patience
I am a whisper singing
I am unbraided freedom
I am thought for the blinking
I am love unshattered
I am the great orgasm

Being human is one thing, but being beautifully human is another. The notion of being beautifully human does not in any way negate the flaws that we possess, but it talks about embracing those imperfections as qualities that make us all unique. It isn't a flauntering of the negative, but a quiet acceptance of being who we are, and knowing what makes us human. It is an acknowledgement of our shortcomings, supplanted by a conscious decision to keep them in check. It is embracing what life has to offer, imperatively rooted in a sincere appreciation of what God has given us. It is Grandma Sophie in Miyazaki's Howl's Moving Castle, it is Mr 'boing-boing' Turnip-head, it is Calcifer at the very end.

Be Beautifully Human. And be proud of it.

mimi.lala.lorlor.

jan, elsie cha-cha + jo: Three beauties hamming it up in front of the sneaky cameraman (ie. dad. Again.) Green is the new red!

good.batter.bestest!

super chio half-french cousin ailing who's studying art history in france is oh-so-hip-and-funky... keep batting those lovely eyelashes babe!

excuse.me.are.you.a.model?

super chio half-french cousin ailing striking an inpromptu pose for the sneaky cameraman (ie. dad)

auntie.jan.

baby kyra, jan + jo: Maternal instincts coming into play finally? eeks. I hate babies.. I really do. Especially when they scream their lungs out and all eardrums within the radius of 1km pops as a result. Fortunately, baby kyra here is as docile as a deer, due in no small part to the comfortable 'cushioned' arms she rests on. :)

first.kiss.

jonah and luohan sitting on a tree... K-I-S-S-I-N-G *muak!*

jonah+jan

gong.xi.fa.cai.

Annual traditional bai-nian-ing to parents in living room on the 1st day of Chinese New Year before setting out for relatives' houses.

happy.c.n.y.2005!

Woah. This has become such an unfamiliar feeling. (Blogging that is.) It almost seems surreal that I can get to do this in the comfort of my own home and in broad daylight! Hmmm... where shall I start from after such a long period of inactivity? There's been too many things happening around: Yvette and nik leaving for aust, work, movie outings, work, gym sessions with ch, work, birthdays that have come and gone, work, cookout at boh's (read ch's blog "two marthas, six manslaves, one janice..." where I was condemned as being inept in a kitchen setting), work, beer+chix wings+peanuts, work, diet pineapple tarts + yummilicious jap green pea cookies, work, russell wong's exhibition, work, celebrations at little bali with sec sch kakis, work, wonderfully manicured nails + torturous eating at crystal jade immediately after........ Gosh. How ever can one fit so many activities into a single lifetime?

It seems to me that I have nothing much to say nowadays (hence the silence on this blog). Nothing as funny and entertaining as ch, nothing as whimsical and fluffy as ming, nothing as thought-provoking and deep as yuwen, nothing as everyday as leesh, nothing as been-there-done-that as elyse, nothing as crappy as crapchannel kullwee, nothing as sincere and honest-to-the-heart as stacey, nothing as straightforward and emotionally-grabbing as kerms. Nothing. Zilch. Great... Now the word 'nothing' is even starting to look weird on me. I don't even have nothing anymore.

Anyway, Happy Chinese New Year to one and all, Gong Xi Fa Cai, Hong Bao Na Lai (That must be the only Chinese phrase I really understand heh). May you be prosperous as you spread your fortune to me. :) Time to look forward to collecting all the red packets even though the numerical value of the total sum collected seems to diminish and wane into inconspicuous existence by the year. Time to reiterate one's goals in life/plans for the future/current standing in the big bad working world to the high heavens, time to put on that smile and greet countless strangers with great zeal and energy (some of whom have been strangers you meet every year since you were born). Chinese NewYear. It's so tiring I cannot believe we put ourselves up to it annually. All the same, this year's celebrations are especially poignant to me, considering how I might not get to enjoy the entire process again for the next few years if all goes well in the area of overseas education. I'm not sure what I'll miss more though: the money, or the child-like anticipation of it? *grins*

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! I'm glad to be a Chinese I really am. (Slitty eyes and flat nose notwithstanding of course.)

what.is.life?

Life works in strange ways, yuwen said when I broke the news to her. Mrs Creffield (also known to us affectionately as Mrs C in acjc, head of the lit department and formidable independent and intellectual woman, coach of the accolade-winning national debate team, passionate teacher and incredible mentor), lost her husband to a rock-climbing accident on saturday morning. The whole irony of the matter was that they had just managed to return unscathed from phuket where they had been holidaying when the tsunamis struck. Having made it back to Singapore safe and sound, he went for his usual weekend mountain-climbing, and that was when tragedy struck.

As a tribute to Mrs C's fame in the teaching circles, the news of her husband's death was reported in an article in Sunday Times page 3. This death leaves her all alone without any children to depend on when she grows old, without any companionship when her eyesight fails her and her senses start to numb. What is life that it could be so fragile? That one could lose it in an instant just as much as one could gain it? As much as I was never really close to Mrs C, and definitely not close to her heart as wen and the rest of the debaters are, I somehow feel an urge to show her that in her time of personal loss and sorrow, there are people who are willing to sacrifice their time and energy to support her, just as she had done the same for us in our time of need. To our beloved Mrs C, stay strong of mind and calm in spirit, our thoughts are continually with you now.

and.the.room.goes.boom!

Boom Boom Room's closing down! After 15 years of being Singapore's longest running cabaret show (or as kumar puts it succinctly, the ONLY one), the days of feather plumes and glittery opulence has finally come to an end. And what a loss for the next generation of the Singaporean society, for if not for anything else, kumar and his gang have taught us not to take ourselves to seriously, to laugh at our own faults, our government, and our society. This light-hearted take on essentially who Singaporeans are, being deeply-rooted in cultural norms and biases, and continually kept up-to-date on current trends and news headlines, serve to widen our often miopic and narcissistic perspective on life, by showing us that our own flaws (as embodied by the cast of hip-thrusting, breast-pumping cross-dressers) are not the be all and end all to living to the fullest.

While I marvel at their ability to balance and even dance on sky-high wobbly stilettos, and still manage to look the more graceful for it, I also admire their courage to put themselves up on the stage as individuals who demand the understanding of the greater public. It is not easy being in their shoes (both literally and metaphorically), being as different as they are, and having to cope with a lot more prejudices than us 'normal' folks are accustomed to. What is being short, fat an ugly compared to being a person born with the wrong sex organ? And what is earning $1600 a month and an uncertain future compared to the certainty of an unstable job where it will definitely be difficult to make ends meet if there is even a job available?

While jostling with the overwhelming crowd last night, (some of whom had turned up in a show of support for BBR, many others, I suspect, came to gape at the freakshow for the novelty of it), I spotted a friend whom I had not met in over a year. Whilst still in Singapore, she had worked at BBR for awhile, after which she switched to a waitressing job. she was frugal, and worried about how to pay the next electricity bill, all the while hoping that she would somehow get talent-spotted and get a contract to sing for a bar. Such heart-breakingly simple aspirations, but how impossible the odds are against her to succeed. The last I heard of her was that she was in Sydney without a work permit and trying desperately to look for a job to support herself. She had been convinced that Singapore no longer held any opportunity for her, and that she was sick and tired of the societal condemnations that she had to go through since her sex operation 9 years ago. Unfortunately, she had to settle for a waitressing job over there as well.

Looking at her, and talking to her, I cannot help but feel that while that fateful operation took away the one thing that obstructed her from fulfilling her destiny as a woman, it inevitably also left an indelible scar on her self esteem. She, who needs constant reassurance and encouragement, also happens to be one of the sweetest-natured person I have come across in my life. She, who had returned to Singapore some time back for a holiday, decided not to contact me for a short chat over a coffee because she thought I would be busy. I suspect though, that it's more the case of sparing me the embarrassment of having to deal with the constant stares if I'm seen in the company of the likes of her in public. Still, I'm grateful to her for teaching me the importance of accepting people with their flaws and eccentricities, for showing me that ultimately, we as fallible human beings are one and the same. For who are we to judge others when we are just as imperfect and unsightly in the purity of God's eyes? I can only hope for a better life for my friend, and pray that I may have the love and the patience to continue to reach out to her.

my.love.

Caught Aviator today, in a rather excrutiatingly cramped Lido Theatre 4. Poor legs had to settle with minimum space needed to keep blood flowing for a lengthy (and on hindsight, pointless) THREE HOURS. For me, Aviator failed to take off because it's leading man, Mr "Titanic-died-for-a-heavy-cause" Leo Di Cap couldn't convince me of the role he was playing. Such a good actor, especially in the scenes showing his inner torment and madness, but pity about the undermining wrinkle-free boyish face that survived a masive plane crash without so much as a blemish. Someone should ask him if he uses SKII.

Anyway, back to the topic of this post. My Love refers to Jude Law, my latest obsession, the source of my heart palpitations (and he ain't no Apple product), who appeared in Aviator for a total of 3 seconds, but who filled up the big screen fully with his easy grace, his aura, and his greek-god-worthy looks. (Amazing how fast I switch camps from the Pitts to the Laws.) He and Ethan Hawke made Gattaca one of the most swoonsome movies of all time, although I sadly could not recall the title of that movie until bohboh reminded me. He is also the reason why Alfie MUSTMUSTMUST be watched. Hey Jude my love. I shall sleep with sweet dreams tonight. :)

pitch.fever.

Wassup with all the sold out soccer tickets man?!? After the entire wild goose chase on foot (!!!)from Shenton Way to Amara Hotel to Tanjong Pagar Centre to Chinatown Market to People's Park to the sleazysleazy Chinatown Point (yes sernhong made us tackle the horrendously planned internal circulation ALL the way to the top floor in search of the elusive Turf Club Ticket Counter nestled in between dark and ominous-looking foot relexology shops with heavily made-up, scantily-clad middle-aged women guarding the doorways and soliciting business from wizened old greasy bald-heads who can't wait to get their hands on some flesh for carnal pleasure...) and we STILL CANNOT GET TICKETS?!? Even resourceful funky brudder aka cl and menacing bookie kee did not manage to do the impossible.

Gosh.

holl.ee.woot

Have you heard the latest gossip from hollywood? Brad and jan's the latest couple!! w00tw00t! (I SO wish.)

eh.see.jay.see.

Met up with ru and grace (ailing) for lunchie and kopie on New Year's Day. Haven't seen either one of them in almost a year... Although grace's in s'pore, we seldom seem to meet up unless ru's back from new york. Pretty weird, but that's the way things go.

The both of them were my close friends in back during my jc days, having been in the same class and all. Together we've endured small shit's (my form teacher who's indian and really really short and stumpy-looking- hence the nickname) sarcastic nonsense, miss marhaini's (malay econs teacher who used to scare the shitout of all of us) screaming, mr welch's (english litereature teacher who's also english by the way) b-o-r-i-n-g, sleep-inducing, yet oftentimes hilarious comments on chaucer, and harvindar singh's (pe teacher who SO DOES NOT sing(h).) weekly physical torture. (Wassup with all these races man!?!) We've had our good moments and bad in our AH container (air-con classroom due to renovations works.. woohoo!), enjoying the a/c while the rest of the school sweated it out in the sweltering heat, but also suffering from fleabites around our ankles because we happily brought in our plush toys (and left them there forever) into our contained classroom. HAHAHA. Those were really the days. There are lots more stories to tell, but the gist of it all is basically that my jc class comprised of super funky, wacky, intellectual and cool characters, mostly over-achievers in their own right, and grace and ru fit right in. Where does this leave me then, you may ask. Out-of-place definitely, but that's another story to tell.

Anyway, grace and ru are really fun people to hang out with. Anyone who's met them before will tell you exactly the same thing. Between grace's rocket-mouth and rolling eyes, and ru's funky clothes and off-beat whims, there just isn't any place for boredom. Conversations flit from topic to topic, from person to person, from place to place. Which makes it all the more boring when silence occasionally sets in into the conversations, as it normally does in any conversation. We talked about people we haven't seen for ages, people whom were in school, caught up on gossip, caught up on each other's lives, more gossip, mentioned names which would otherwise have been shrouded in dust at the back of our minds (no robbie poo, this does not include you...), and of course, some more gossip. The both of them are doing really well now, and I'm happy for them. Ru's graduated from NYU and is currently writing for New York Magazine; Grace won the prestigious L'Oreal international marketing thingamajig and is currently working at L'Oreal as a marketing executive. Me? Still a lowly intern with a lowly-paid job with an uncertain 2005 ahead and an even more uncertain future. I guess I asked for it, choosing to go the path that I did.

Met up with the both of them again tonight, along with wen the fern (who's graduated for Brown with honours and will be going back to AC to teach soon), and Liz (who's married!!!! and working at mindef and whom I haven't seen since we graduated from jc).Gosh. That's like 6 years already. And almost as if we're trying to make up for lost time, we're planning a class gathering this coming friday, which will probably just be the 5 of us and another additional 3-4 people, as all class gatherings go. I know I've had conversations with kimmie before, ranging from the topics of how we think everyone in our class is so up-there and pretentious, and how we don't like to meet up with them because it's just so trying, but right now, after all these years and after a certain mellowing of thought maturity, I can't help but feel that friendships can (and will) start all over again if you want them to. Hopefully I'll get to make a trip to either Taiwan or Japan with grace and ru this year... and no, I've not forgotten Cambodia, ming, or NY, ern... but oh well. Everything just depends on the timing and of course the available funds. :)

This week's schedule goes:
Monday- gym
Tuesday- dinner with ru, grace, wen and liz
Wednesday- dinner+drinks+velvet(?!?) with vy, qing, jan, grace (low) and other sec sch kakis
Thursday- gym
Friday- dinner with ac classmates
Sat- dinner+drinks with aki people
Sun- mani+pedi with ming and nik? (how abt it ming?!? or sat is fine too I guess.. I can always go shopping on sunday... hee)

What fun! 2005 is starting on a good note. (And I don't mean gym!) Muahahaha. :)

P.S. chinny says elyse has a blog! Go check it out peeps!
http://www.livejournal.com/users/elysesewell/

2.0.0.5.

We have arrived. The new year is upon us now. Before work starts getting into full-swing, and school breaks us (and our defences) down, before our lives begin to crowd up with a multitude of new experiences, new people, new environments and new knowledge, I would like to reflect a little on the people who have made a difference in my life during the year gone by.

What a year it has been! As I came back home from niki's house tonight, I couldn't help but marvel at the way my friends have eked out a space for themselves in my heart. Each and every one of them... Some more so than others no doubt, but all just as important and as much a part of me as I of them. To these people I have often bared my heart, shown my ungrram side (shaddup all of you! *glare*), and exposed my moodswings and eccentricities. With them I've shared much laughter, distributed saikang workload, braved the bitter and the bad, and celebrated the everyday and the ocassions. In their company, I have gone from a shy and introverted individual in need of constant reassurrance, to a loud and still introverted individual in need of constant attention. Over the years, the group has been enlarged to assimilate more people, even as cliques are broken and barriers overcome. New acquantainces forged, even as old alliances are renewed. Just what is it that draws all of us together? The love for life or the enjoyment of it? The pain of going through architecture, loving it and yet hating it at the same time? The empathy that can only be shared among fellow architectural (ex and current) students? Whatever the case, I must say that this is one helluva group of people, and I really appreciate them for being totally wacky, cool and out-of-this-world, and for accepting me as I am.

I know I seldom say this, but I do love you guys so much. I cannot even begin to think where I would be right now if not for all of you. I probably would still be stuck listening to bubble-gum pop and soppy boybands, watching Titanic over and over again at home while bawling my eyes out for the millionth time, keeping my hair long and straight like I always thought girls should, and basically not even knowing what T&C is. (I know it finally ming!) I probably would have never managed to graduate, since I never ever made it to lectures and the only reason why I did so eventually, was because you guys took extra lecture notes for me. I would have never passed all my design projects if not for the constant critique and appraisal garnered during informal discussions. I would have never gone to mambo because I simply would not have known what that was! I would have never managed to send out school applications on time if not for the timely advice and external push factor. I would have never dared to dream further than I can see into the future, I would have never dared to be ME.

In this new year ahead, a huge upheaval beckons, major change hovering on the horizon. Many of us will be scattered across the world, in different places leading different lives, pursuing our various interests to varying degrees as we deem fit. This group will be mostly separated at the same time next year, and it almost feels like a bittersweet parting to think that way. To say goodbye is not easy, but letting go is also a sign of love. To each his own, but yet in unity we find strength. Cheers to the new year and come what may, let us grit our teeth, hold each others hands, and face the unknown, together, forever.

To my exceptionally talented aki friends, kudos and ganbate! You all have made architecture worthwhile for me. Muaks.

raspy.sexy.janny.2

Stayed in bed the whole day. Didn't do any of the things I thought I might do. Throat still sore, nerves even more irritable. Wish I could just sleep the entire week away. But that's SO not possible is it? Still raspy, sexy no.

raspy.sexy.janny.

At home with a sorethroat today. Decided to stay home and rest instead of dragging myself to work and showing everyone my horrible black face again. My throat is painful and the soreness teethers on the verge of translating into a fever. (sorry to the saikang gang for the weird mood yesterday... really wasn't feeling too good, hence the constant irritability and lack of tolerance for suaning. heh heh)

Good thing that the weather's nice and cool today, just perfect for sleeping in... and perhaps I could pop by the gym later for a run? Not too sure if that's advisable though. Perhaps I could take the time to visit Borders (15% discount!!! Last day today!) and grab myself a book to read. Or I could call up some non-working friends and meet them for a cuppa coffee....

The pain already seems to have lessened somewhat. :)
Have a good day at work to all you healthy people!

swoon.gush.salivate.

This blog is dedicated to the cute waiter (yes! another one! heh heh) I met on Christmas Day itself.

My family and I had adjourned to this steak house somewhere in Novena for a Christmas lunch after church service. HE caught my eye immediately. (Love at first sight? Or lust? haha) Initially I thought HE was one of the diners as HE wasn't wearing the typical waiter uniform... in fact, the reason why I noticed HIM in the first place was because HE was wearing a really nice shirt (almost like something you can get off the racks at Country Road or A/X). It was striped with a bit of embroidery, very detailed, very elegant. HE himself was tall, good-looking, rather fair, and sturdily-built. Not body-builder kind of big, but not scrawny either; not drop-dead gorgeous but pleasant-looking enough (if you get what I mean). Naturally, I couldn't take my eyes off HIM, and throughout the lunch, I kept a sharp lookout, waiting for the moment HE came into my field of vision again. After some time, I began to realise that HE was actually working at the steak house, because HE started serving food to my table. I concurred that HE could possibly be

a) a normal waiter who forgot to bring his uniform to work that day
b) a diner who had too much time on his hands and therefore decided to help out the understaffed steak house during the peak lunch period
c) (and obviously the view I'm biased towards taking) the boss' son who pops by to help out once in awhile.

I was particularly taken with the cultured air around HIM- HE carried himself with a grace and strength of character that can only be ingrained into one from a tender age. (ie. HE is relatively rich, and no mere waiter boy) How can I tell all this by just looking at HIM, you may ask? Well, sometimes people's faces really reveal a lot about their upbringing and personality. And HIS, (to me) was simply to-die-for.

After lunch, my family and I decided to congregate outside the steak house to say our goodbyes and arrange our schedules for the day; who to take a lift from whom, where everyone is going from thence and all that usual parting stuff. Surprise surprise, who else was outside but HIM? HE was apparently settling some accounts with a delivery man, but as I stepped out from the steak house, I caught HIM staring at, ME. (No, my boobs weren't hanging out from my top, I wasn't making a lot of noise as I normally do, and granted, I'm not even pretty.) It wasn't an oh-my-gawd-she's-so-freaking-ugly kind of stare, neither was it a oh-my-gawd-wassup-with-her stare, but it was just, a stare. And a relatively long one at that. I was on the phone with ming/cc at that time (not too sure because my stomach was doing somersaults and my head a little giddy from the extra attention) but I occasionally looked up to see if HE was still staring. HE was. My entire family was standing between HIM and ME, but even as I paced to and fro all the while talking on the phone, I could feel (and see) HIS eyes follow me, oblivious to the gesturing of the delivery man who was still deep in conversation. A couple of times MY eyes met HIS, but not knowing what to do, I always averted my gaze quickly. I suppose it must have been rather obvious that I was checking HIM out as much as HE was doing the same to ME. All this happened within a span of 5 minutes or so, but the connection was very real, and I so hope it wasn't just wishful thinking on my part. Eventually, I decided to do the cowardly thing- turn around and walk away, but even as I did so, I could not help but wonder, WHAT IF? Is this what finding a soulmate feels like?

Haha.
Try not to mock me too much ok? (Esp. you ch!!!)
My heart is fragile. :)
*swoon*

thumpy.thump.thump.

Joined ming, gie and mich for a girl's night out at thumper's to countdown to Christmas day... Orchard road was pure and utter madness. My usual $4 cabfare from Queenstown turned into a $13 one, and I didn't even manage to stop at my destination directly. The taxi I was in got jammed at Tanglin Rd for a good half hour... and I was seriously falling asleep because the anticipation of getting to thumper's had waned by the first 5 mins of slow cab-crawling.

After I alighted from the cab at Tanglin Club (so as to walk the distance to Goodwood Park Hotel which seemed impossible to cover via a cab), I was stopped along the way by this petite-looking girl carrying huge bags of LV and Prada and whatnot. She was a portugese who had apparently just lost her wallet+passport, and was looking for directions to get to the nearest police post. I tried to be rather nice at first (it was Christmas eve after all), and even contemplated giving her some money to take cab home, but that thought vanished immediately the moment she said home was in seletar... !!! I eventually gave her directions to get to Tanglin Police Post, which was, to my limited knowledge, the nearest one around already. However, after 15 mins of trying to convince her that this was so, and that the surefire way of getting there was to brave the crowds and walk along Orchard Road against the direction of traffic, and that walking the back alley way through Tanglin Country Club was so-not-a-smart-idea-to-do because it's confusing and dark, I decided I had had enough of her whining and puppy-dog sad eyes and sent her on her way towards Orchard Road while I made my way (finally) down to Thumper's. The last I saw of her was a timid figure walking slowly in the direction towards Lido, hesitant and wavering. She had gone no more than 10 metres before she turned around in confusion and uncertainty. My gawd. I felt like wringing her perfect-looking thin neck. I wanted to shout at her: Walk a bit further can die one ah?!!? Walk only mah!!! You walk straight you will surely get to Orchard Rd... turn left and walk until the end of the road and you'll be near there already... don't walk you'll definitely have to sleep on the streets... like WASSUP MAN!!! If get lost just ask for directions again lah! Piang.How in the world do people like that survive out in the big bad world?!? Don't tell me she expected me to walk her ALL THE WAY there? *puke blood and die*

Anyway, yes, that was not the main incident that defined my night. The central highlight was actually seeing Ming drunk and making a fool of herself (as usual). Haha. I shall decline to reveal anymore details lest she comes after me in real life. Afterall, the virtual space of the internet is merely an extension of reality, and if princess ming decides to condemn me to my death here on my blog (DIE DIE YOU BITCHES as she proclaims), she is capable of carrying out her threats physically as well. :P

Merry Christmas everybahdeeeeeeeee......... how did YOU spend your Christmas eve?
(have mercy on me princess ming!)

cock.roach.

Today I met gie and bren for our annual Christmas dinner. We decided to forgo our usual Sakae fare and go try something new, after I suggested Mushroom Pot, as my sis has been raving about the mushroom fries for-like-ever. It was the longest distance I've ever had to walk from Orchard MRT down to Orchard Point (where the new OG is), considering you can never walk in a straight line. You have to "siam' people left and right, to escape from the countless irritants who constantly try to shove leaflets into your hands, to avoid the screaming kids who are just waiting to get stomped on, and basically just move along with the horrifically, excrutiatingly slow human traffic flow. They say humans are like locusts- multiplying too fast, destroying everything that comes into their path- and how true it is. I wish I had a bulldozer sometimes though.

Having eventually arrived at our foodie destination, we set down to encounter another obstacle of a different kind. The menu choice was tremendously mind-boggling! There were all kinds of mushrooms to choose from, starters, hot pots, steamboat, noodles, desserts, drinks, yadahyadahyadah... Whatever happened to the one food fits all kind of outlet? To make matters worse, all the staff there seemed to understand only chinese. *groan* When the food finally arrived, I found that it wasn't as FANTASTIC as my sister had claimed it to be (I do like the mushroom fries.. so crispy and light!) but it was erm, "interesting" by all accounts. The main highlight of the night came in the form of a little cockroach nymph who had apparently crawled out from a hole in the table where the gas for heating the steamboat comes from. (Thank God we didn't order steamboat... I'm sure the smell of charred cockroach nymph emanating from below the table isn't an entirely appetising scent either.) Gie, being frightfully paranoid about cockroaches (she would cut off her arm if a cockroach ever ran over it), naturally and instinctively sprung up and away from the table. I did too, as cockroaches are not really my cup of tea (and not IN my tea hopefully?!!?) This left brenda the brave sitting at the table with all eyes on her (including surrounding diners') and she calmly did us all a service by squashing the ugly nymph with a spare tissue. Shockingly, the staff of Mushroom Pot did not

a) replace our half-eaten food on the table after we turned down their offer to (like hello? we're just being nice about it here? we don't really mean what we say!!!)
b) offer to relocate us to another (cleaner?) table
c) give us more discount on our food (stupid waiter said 15% is the most they can give... bah! what nonsense!)

What they DID do was to

a) keep coming over to clear our plates EVEN when it was darned obvious that there was still food left on the plate and we were still eating (wassup with them man?1 I think they're overstaffed. Like leave us alone in peace until we finish ALL our food! grrrrrrrrrrr.)
b) say that all they can do is to apologise, and that all restaurants have cockroaches and there is nothing they can do if one decides to pop its head out once in a while. (excellent excuse don't you think?)

Gosh.
Next time, I'll just dabao the mushroom fries and eat it somewhere else. What incorrigible service. They should learn a thing or two out of the book of the cute ah beng-looking waiter from fish&co... which reminds me... heh heh. I should visit that outlet again sometime soon! *jan-happy-again* :)

Merry Christmas eve everyone!
Have a good one while I hole up at home with my trusty tv.

paint.the.town.red.

Red hair red hair I've got red hair!!!
hee.
Little red monster jan makes an appearance once again! :)

shopping.with.sisters.day.

Went shopping in town with my elder sis after church today. She claimed she needed my *ahem* expertise on clothes and desperately wanted a second opinion of that akin to an *ahem* fashion consultant.

HA.HA.HA.
Me.
Fashion disaster turned fashion consultant to sis.

Anyway, was at the topshop changing area when out-of-the-blue, I heard a familiar voice calling out my name. "JANICE!" (Erps.) I turned, and boh the apparition had mysteriously appeared out of thin air. (For those not in the know, bohboh DOES not shop at lowly places like topshop. She only goes for high-end stuff IF she shops AT ALL.) My heart nearly jumped out of its place, you can imagine my surprise to see her there (although I had prior notice that she would be buying pants this weekend.) She was there with her sis (Jan+Jo, Charm+Charlyn... how corny can parents get when naming their children?!!?) so we all went for a cuppa kopi together-gether. Was pretty fun actually, bumping into people like that all of a sudden. How nice to have two pairs of sisters chatting about nonsensical stuff to each other- once strangers but now linked by a common friendship bond. (Awwww...)

The rest of the day was spent at Far East with bohboh (and my sis, and boh's sis and boh's sis's friend... haha) where we shopped for awhile and picked up real funky retro sunglasses, then boh and I went on to lido for dinner, to Ralph Lauren for white shirt shopping, to zara for lala-ing and to meet ming with roy in tow (w00tw00t), then on to ming's to eat shuijiao... What a jam-packed day. The Christmas period always passes by in such a rush don't you agree?

Rushing off to go finish up some application stuff now! :)

fatty.happy?

I met an ex-hallmate while out shopping with ming today. After exchanging the usual courtesies, he commented that I still look the same (ie he-heard-from-others-that-I-had-lost-weight-previously-but-no-leh-I-still-look-the-same-kind-of-SAME.) I had to surreptitiously inform him that I HAD lost weight but now have happily piled everything back on again. Dammit. I need to find my resolve to hit the gym regularly again (okok I admit, even getting my lazy ass to the gym now would be a victory of some sort in itself) and it'll take me another 2 long years to get back to where I was at this same time last year. Like wasssssssssssssuuuup man. I hate wallowing in fats and I hate starving and right now I hate going to the gym. So how? Gives new meaning to stuck in a rut eh? If i don't do something about it soon, I will be stuck in the rut forever *shudders*. Ok, I shall endeavour to walk the shops more. A cardio workout beckons! Heh.

Bought 2 pairs of shoes, 1 shirt, 1 tee, 2 presents and some underwear today! Am on a roll I say... To quote from Jim Carrey: "Scchomebahdee scchtop me!"

countdown.to.christmas

It's that time of the year again! The time when the air suddenly seems so much sweeter, the weather so much cooler, the streets (and shops) so much more crowded, the lovebirds in public so much more intimate, and the singles so much more lonesome.

I shall not bother to espouse on the tired and cliched meaning of Christmas- to me, the meaning has long faded away, both in my heart and spirit. There is NO meaning to Christmas. Period. Fullstop. 'Nuff said. It's just a time to revel in gluttony and jiggle in the accumulation of coagulated body oil, as well as a time to splurge on useless stuff for often useless people. It's a time to pamper oneself for surviving another tough year of life and living to see an even tougher year ahead; it's a time to reflect back on past mistakes but also knowing that the past always comes back to haunt, and that history repeating itself is a natural course of animated life.

I spent my entire evening with jon, weaving in and out of the crowds, trying to get ourselves some bargains at the Suntec Madness (which was truly disappointing I must say), and coincidentally not finding any. He fell in love with a green pair of Jamaican-themed pumas, I, with a present I had originally intended to give to a friend. Well, no longer, and all the more goodie for me! *rubs hands in glee* We had dinner at Fish & Co, made all the more pleasant by a friendly and lean-ly muscular waiter. Although jon and I both agreed that he had the face of an ah beng, (not monkey lah... that's ah M-eng!) he being extremely courteous and attentive, chatty and possessing strong arms and a cute butt, made for delectable eye candy that complemented the already delicious food. Mmmmmmmmmm. :) I have a slight suspicion I will be making my way down to Fish & Co again very soon... haha

So what is the whole point of this blog you may ask? Nuthin'. Just to say that being bimbotic and out-of-point
during the Christmas season is entirely forgiveable as the entire world succumbs to temptations of the flesh all at once. Three things you need to get through the merryberry season: Money, Love, and Sex. And if you have none of all three (just like me) then HOHOHO a jolly merry Christmas to you too! If you have one of two out of the three, high time you re-evaluate your life and start finding the missing ones. If you have all of the above, I hate you, go and die.

b.r.o.k.e. but.not.broken.

After a whirlwind 2 weeks pia-ing my portfolio and recommendation letters and applications forms, I have finally sent out my very first school application (albeit by fedex because I decided I shouldn't scrimp and compromise on my application since I have already spent a bomb on everything else.)

It has not been easy. There were many times when I had wanted to give up, when all my efforts seemed futile, when the gods were not smiling upon me and circumstances seemed just so impossible. To make it all worse, I was not allowed to take leave from work because there was a drawing submission deadline due around the same time as my application. Doing my portfolio in the night, sleeping around 5-6am everyday, going to work in the day and staying until 9 plus 10, and rehashing the entire cycle over and over again, I certainly felt zombiefied and very very stretched to my limits. It was only due to much encouragement and advice from friends around me that I managed to pull off such a stunt. And for that I am really grateful... What would I be doing if I didn't have that extra external push factor? Not that I am proud of managing to 'bang' everything out in a space of 2 weeks... To say that it isn't all my fault that I was stuck in such a situation would be such a blatant lie. I am a procrastinator and I know it. But I think what matters at the end is that it got done eventually. The much harder, more painful and definitely more expensive way.

Today I wondered as I look back at the whole experience: Is it possible to WILL myself to study overseas? To stay afloat and survive even through the hard times just by sheer will? Could one's will be SO great that everything else just HAS to fall into place? I certainly hope so although I see it happening in others' lives rather than my own.

And I realise the my thoughts are incoherent right now perhaps as a result of a long night out at orchard road, talking about likes, dislikes, aspirations and ultimately who we are. It's nice to be comfortable in the company of friends, and to be able to share about things close to one's heart that are seldom spoken of. Clears up the air somewhat and makes feelings seem so much closer. Okay I really don't have anything interesting or smart to say so I shall end off this blog here. I need my sleep. Beauty sleep would be good, but if all else fails, just sleep would suffice too I guess. :)

b.l.e.a.h.

Don't ask me why I've not been blogging. I'm so DAMNED tired. I just hope all this is worth it in the end. That I won't end up veryvery poor, veryvery indebted and veryvery school-less.

i.d.o.l.s.fever.

It has been proven.
The power of the TAU family has surpassed that of the lians.
TAUfik, backed by his cousins TAUpok and TAUgua, his chinese uncle Yong TAU Foo, his ex-lover TAUgay (for the obvious reasons), his darker alterego TAUnee, and his childhood bully TAUsuan, triumphed over the SLY ones in their Shiing-a-puu-rreeeh Ai-dohl Final Showdown at the Indoor Stadium last night.

Me? I was at Shyn's apartment in HV with a couple of allies- Jan, Vy, and Rui, as well as a foe from the opposite camp- Qing. Commercial breaks were spent sms-ing votes for Taufik (my idol!) and stuffing my face with rojak, the duration of sly's horrendous singing was spent bitching and suaning Qing, the duration of Taufik's winking (and much more)was spent swooning, the announcement of the TAU victory was spent screaming unabashedly, the aftermath of the victory was spent cuddling two extremely manja tabby cats. Real fun company I must say, although the girls went krraah-bbiiingg after whilst I had to go home and rush my portfolio out. (Not that I did anything really constructive, but still.)

I'm really happy Taufik won. My IDOL! :)

moonie.moon.moon.

You Are From the Moon

You can vibe with the steady rhythms of the Moon. You're in touch with your emotions and intuition. You possess a great, unmatched imagination - and an infinite memory. Ultra-sensitive, you feel at home anywhere (or with anyone). A total healer, you light the way in the dark for many.

What Planet Are You From?

Got this link off yvette's blog... Not sure I agree with the infinite memory thing though. I'm turing senile already. Always forgetting important stuff, forgetting names of people, forgetting my experiences a couple of years back... Like wassup man? But yeah the moon. Why is my planet so UNGRRRRRRAAAAAAAMMM compared to yvette's Neptune and CH's Venus?!?

*moons* (oops!)

the.TAUs.

Do you think TAUfik could possibly be related to TAUpok and TAUgua?
Some FOOD for thought. heh. :)

twin.terrors.3

twin.terrors.1

twin.terrors.2

over.reaching.

single.headed.monster.2

single.headed.monster.3

single.headed.monster.1

ubiquitous.2

ubiquitous.1

fear.is.a.box.

In response to chinny's comment about why I've posted up 'site photos' (they're aren't really about the construction site, but more about the cranes and diggers in case you haven't realised it by now), this is just for continuity with regards to my post about the photographic assignment titled 'The Box' I received around 2 weeks back. I believe that beauty and grace can be found in the most unseemingly beautiful things, if we would just pause to look.

This is my take on the presence of the box in Singapore's society- it is a critique on a national mentality based on the ubiquitous and haunting nature of these construction monsters. They are a common sight and an everyday occurence but yet it becomes a little freaky because one never sees them being transported onto site; it's almost as if they had appeared overnight by some strange mysterious force; it's almost as if they had a mind of their own and can move at will; it's almost as if their army has infiltrated our borders due to the sheer numbers of them around all of a sudden.

Yet, if you stop to probe a little deeper and reflect a little more, you start to realise that it is we, as a nation, that have allowed them to do so. In our bid to 'upgrade' ourselves constantly, and 'transform' our society into one that is cutting-edge and always on the forefront of technology, of design, of ideas, of architecture, and of infrastructure, we have allowed construction sites to spring up all over the island. We have torn down buildings of real historical value like the former National Library, and replaced them with a humonguous-looking, totally out-of-scale building within the designated civic area (which incidentally is the photo with the perspective that yuwen likes). We have shifted our priorities, neglected our roots and always strive to build higher, better, faster, more. As we reach greater heights in our achievements, the cracks in the foundations start to become more apparent. Without anything to tie us back, to root us into our culture and society, we thus become superficial and shallow in our outlook on life. We get caught up in the imminent rat race, our lives get reduced to that of unthinking imbeciles. Fear is a box, and kiasu-ism is the fear of losing out.

monsters.of.insecurity.2

boxes.in.the.sky.4

parasitic.monster.

gold.digger.4

gold.digger.3

boxes.in.the.sky.3

boxes.in.the.sky.2

monsters.of.insecurity

monsters.inc.

drunk.ard.

Check out this website... It's SUPER funny. And addictive too!
To play, move your mouse from left to right to stop the drunkard from falling. My score's 77... *smirks at cc*


http://www.wagenschenke.ch/

comeback.

The parents are back. And all of a sudden, the house has so much more activity, so much more mess, so much more life. Really makes you wonder who're the children here - us or them? They are oh-so-excitable in the aftermath of their 3-week long holiday, but the first thing my dad says to me is to remind me that I have the right to sue my boss for not adhering to the stipulated work hours... *rolls eyes* And who's going to hire me for the rest of my life after I do that?!?

super.laoban.

Why did you agree to take on more work right now? You have too many balls in the air and not enough time on your hands. This Superman or Superwoman complex you've developed might be more trouble than it's worth. Draw strength and stamina from your inner resources -- you know, the ones that are already keeping you steady on your feet. You got yourself into this situation, and with a little thought, you can devise a way to get yourself out.

Can someone kindly inform whoever's been writing these horoscope thingies that I DO NOT HAVE A CHOICE IN THE AMOUNT OF WORK I GET FROM MY LAOBAN? If I did I would be known as the laoban instead. Sheesh.

the.night.we.met.kevin.@.zouk.

Last night will henceforth be known as 'The night we met kevin @ Zouk'. It shall be jotted down in history books and talked about for weeks to come. Kevin who? you ask. Kevin aka boss of No Space aka lao ban aka gross shit who stuffs his mouth with any food left lying around in office aka harvard grad who smoked his way through school (both literally and metaphorically). Yup, kevin at Zouk. What a highly incongruous scenario it was, all us funky mamas and papas gathered outside the most happening club in S'pore to catch the world's third top dj spin his groovey trance moves, and then you get this short middle-aged guy (laoban)strutting up to us to say hello out of courtesy, and poisoning the air around with awkward silences and polite laughter. I felt like the mother from That 70's Show who bursts out into fake forced laughter whenever an uncomfortable situation arises. Ah. ha. ha. ha. ha.

Anyway, apart from the very unfortunate meeting with the laoban, the rest of the night was good. By the 'rest' I do not mean that every single second was good, just that Armin's trance music was good enough to wipe out all memory of the endless waiting for him to start spinning (+ desperately trying to contain an overflowing bladder so as not to miss armin's first track of the night), the sudden shrill and very embarrassing shrieks from our very own Her Royal Highness ming who perhaps had a drop too much to drink, the heels that were killing my feet after 5 hours of standing/dancing/jumping, and me feeling sleepy after 2 vodka limes, a yummy Flaming Lamborghini and a tequila shot. I think I'm a converted fan of trance now, the genre being much more danceable to than say hip-hop, and definitely less beng-ish than techno while still packing an awesome punch in its pulsating beats and deep bass notes. I suppose the Armin-mad crowd (mostly mats and minahs! yo yo wassup bruddah!) had a lot to do with the electrifying atmosphere at Zouk last night. Everyone was sincerely enjoying the music, jumping, shaking their booties and boobies, notwithstanding those on the podium who took it upon themselves to gyrate more 'sexily' than everyone else. *rolls eyes* There was plenty of eye candy around *nods head vigorously*, some of who looked positively delectable! haha. I must say that I've not had such an enjoyabe night out in such a long time. Pure music always grabs you by the ass and doesn't lose its grip on you. Armin van buuren from Godskitchen rawwwwwks!

swamped.

I haven't been blogging written thoughts lately because I've just been swirling around in a daze. Many things have been happening around me while I seem to be stuck in an eternal rut at the blackhole also known as "New Space". New space fast becoming no space. No space for ideas to flow, no space for creativity, no space for personal time and even the mandatory Public Holidays that comes by every once in a while that are supposed to allow one to breathe a little fresh air and get a little sun. I feel swamped with shitloads of work that seem to keep piling on without prior regard to the shitpiles that I already have accumulated next to me. Shites.

Not that I entirely detest what I'm doing, because I do not. I appear to be in a weird frame of mind these days - I find myself thinking how life can be so interesting, the different people we come into contact with everyday, how we learn something new, how many more interests can one pursue and actually excel in, how I like designing elevations and prettypretty things (which is where photography comes in) - which altogether makes for a contemplative and rather subdued jan, looking at circumstances from a detached and almost objective point of view. It scares me a little, because everything seems surreal and blurred. The reality that I live in has yet transformed into another. It's almost as if the shits have begun to smell *gulp* nice.

On a more obstrusive note, that day at lunch, tongster came up to me and said " I don't know why people post their entire lives up for people to see... I just read your blog." And she made a face. I was really quite infuriated at that point in time, as I really took it personally, and I just turned away from her, not wanting to spoil my day just by reacting defensively to a comment, which on hindsight, had a grain of truth in it, and which wasn't meant with any ill intent (much like most of tongster's tactless comments that shoot out without processing through her blain... but then that's exactly what we love about her is it not? :)). But really, what right do people have to pass judgement on others' lives? What right do they have to criticise? We each have our personalities and the freedom to do what we want to, be it airing of dirty laundry in public or not. Nobody's asking you to read, nobody's asking you to comment (okay I take that back... I LUURRRVVVEEE comments on my blog... I literally thrive on their existence!) But yeah, you get what I mean. Ah well, back to my shitpiles.

the.wedding

chinese.painting

monolith.

friends.who.are.upsetted

Friendship is knowing when to...

stay silent and not gloat,
applaud with a pat on the back,
give a hug in sad times,
offer help to carry the heavy sack.

Friendship is knowing how to...

raise the warning signs with tact,
bring cheer when one is down,
mend the broken hopeless heart,
share in successes, paint the town.

Friendship is knowing why company is needed, when to push aside other prior commitments, how to offer a listening ear, where to go to lighten the mood, and who to call along. :)

To heck with gym... yummy dinner here I come!
hahahahahaha
What a fantastic excuse.

of.invisible.boxes

Pertaining to the previous post "Jack.in.a.box.or.out.of.it", I have decided the direction to take to approach my assignment. This theme is reflected in the photos that I have posted below, and while the relevance of this theme may not be evident at first glance, I shall not proceed to explain any further. Some things are better left unsaid, others better left not understood. The most important thing is that I sincerely believe in it. What an absolutely gorgeous day again! To school I go to banglah for jon... Solar panel frames, here I come!

fabric.of.renewal

gold.digger.two

gold.digger.one.

crane.thy.neck

boxes.in.the.sky

no.man's.land

christmas.shopping.starts.here

hey.mister!

birds.of.advancement.and.progress.