b.r.o.k.e. but.not.broken.

After a whirlwind 2 weeks pia-ing my portfolio and recommendation letters and applications forms, I have finally sent out my very first school application (albeit by fedex because I decided I shouldn't scrimp and compromise on my application since I have already spent a bomb on everything else.)

It has not been easy. There were many times when I had wanted to give up, when all my efforts seemed futile, when the gods were not smiling upon me and circumstances seemed just so impossible. To make it all worse, I was not allowed to take leave from work because there was a drawing submission deadline due around the same time as my application. Doing my portfolio in the night, sleeping around 5-6am everyday, going to work in the day and staying until 9 plus 10, and rehashing the entire cycle over and over again, I certainly felt zombiefied and very very stretched to my limits. It was only due to much encouragement and advice from friends around me that I managed to pull off such a stunt. And for that I am really grateful... What would I be doing if I didn't have that extra external push factor? Not that I am proud of managing to 'bang' everything out in a space of 2 weeks... To say that it isn't all my fault that I was stuck in such a situation would be such a blatant lie. I am a procrastinator and I know it. But I think what matters at the end is that it got done eventually. The much harder, more painful and definitely more expensive way.

Today I wondered as I look back at the whole experience: Is it possible to WILL myself to study overseas? To stay afloat and survive even through the hard times just by sheer will? Could one's will be SO great that everything else just HAS to fall into place? I certainly hope so although I see it happening in others' lives rather than my own.

And I realise the my thoughts are incoherent right now perhaps as a result of a long night out at orchard road, talking about likes, dislikes, aspirations and ultimately who we are. It's nice to be comfortable in the company of friends, and to be able to share about things close to one's heart that are seldom spoken of. Clears up the air somewhat and makes feelings seem so much closer. Okay I really don't have anything interesting or smart to say so I shall end off this blog here. I need my sleep. Beauty sleep would be good, but if all else fails, just sleep would suffice too I guess. :)