Brooklyn

My room on the 16th floor of Willoughby Hall, facing the school campus and the rest of Brooklyn. (Obviously this was taken some time ago when I first moved in cos it's DEFINITELY not that neat now... heh heh.) What's I haven't shown here is the huge expanse of empty space right behind, that's just calling out for a comfy lounge chair or an excessive futon! (Sy will attest to that for me.)


Balconies to the left when I stick my head out of the window (my housemate gets the entire balcony AND a private bath all to herself!!! Although she's so quite quiet so I think the balcony's a tad under-used... such a pity really... would have been a great place to have friends over for beer sessions out in the cool of the night...)


The middle pic shows the funky roofscape of my school's sports facility- apparently the largest interior column-free space in NYC? while the one right above shows the set of "The Good Shepherd" starring Robert de Niro, Angelina Jolie and Matt Damon, filming on campus right across from where I stay during the first 2 days after I moved in. No kidding! Some seniors said they were hanging around the set and they got to talk to Matt Damon! *faint* The pic below shows them packing up after an intensive night of filming... cool sial... I didn't realise it was a movie set until it was too late! Otherwise I would have gone over to Robert de Niro's trailer (parked right outside my hall) and knocked on his door hyahaha. (yah right.)

nostalgia-is.it.a.beautiful.thing?

Feeling nostalgic tonight, and tragically so. Perhaps it's the combination of meeting up with friends repeatedly over the past few days/weeks, having people constantly ask when you're leaving, and gushing about how exciting it is that you get a chance to go away; perhaps it's the result of meeting people whom you haven't seen for a long time, and feeling the reconnecting bond of shared experiences, a renewed effort to keep in touch, knowing full well that the surge could scarcely last long enough to matter, that everything will change, just as lives have to move on, people to grow; perhaps also it's meeting those whom you care about, but yet feeling like a total stranger and leaving the camera with the fully charged battery right at the bottom of the bag. Reality is finally sinking in with a resounding hollowness, and it's hitting hard to home and to the heart. There's too little time left to squeeze in everybody, too little time to say what I want to say, too hard to say goodbye with a cheerful smile and a jolly wave- all I've been doing thus far, and with great success, is eating what I want to eat. Am I just going to leave just like that? With so many strings left untied? So many ends unresolved? Been looking over past photos, though few and far in between, but all I can wonder is where did all those days go to? Went for EH rag preview today, and wondered how did 3 years of my life flitter by without anything much to show for it? All the blood and tears, toiling over hall projects, partying hard and going bonkers, sharing laughter, slippers and detergent, singing National Day songs at 3am, watching TV while eating packed dinners, suppers at Fong Seng and behind behind- all comes to nought when everyone leaves and goes their separate ways. It's hard to tell where the thin line between maintaining ties and remaining in the past begins, and even harder to pinpoint exactly where it ends. 3 years. In aki, in hall. 2 years. Slogging on inconsequential projects in office. What really counts at the end of the day? Apparently not the hours spent together, nor the jokes shared. Memories are sweet but are they ever enough? When rough patches appear, what will it take to smooth everything over? Friendship is a gift and it always will be. To all who have touched my life in some way or another, who have extended me a helping hand in one form or another, who have presented me with the gift at one time or another, THANK YOU. It's hard to say goodbye, armed only with a bagful of apprehension and unknowns. Still, the time is nearing, the distance apart ever-widening. It's silly I know, to have worked to hard to fulfill a dream, only stammer and stutter in hesitation even before it all begins. Yet this feeling is real to me, as real as the tears that fill my eyes, and only as real to you as you make of it.

I leave you now with some encouraging words from a good friend- to continue believing, and hoping, and praying, and loving:

and who are they to judge us, when they themselves are full of flaws?

close friends, good friends... are those who will talk to you objectively

and love you with all their heart

it's not about accepting your flaws (that's not possible)

but being able to help you become a better person

and to bring the best out of you

bring out your dreams

gear you on

let you think the unthinkable

dream the supposedly undreamable

and you feel you like you're on top of this world

and you can do anything

everything

whatever you want

greco.cartoons.

For the bored: Greek Mythology 101 , Courtesy of poopoo

mad.ramblings.

[The following excerpt was taken from an email written to a group of close friends... too lazy to type out again lah...]

Yesterday's scholarship ceremony was stressful man.. i forgot the lyrics to the corrinne may songs i was singing, (i got damn kancheong cos i thought i was supposed to be the 2nd item but they scrapped the 1st item without telling me, so i got a shock of my life when i was introduced first, and had to go up to present immediately...), and all that ribbing about how the scholarship depended on whether we performed well or not, certainly didn't help matters much. Prior to that, it was board members galore and millions of introductions to new faces- i couldn't for the life of me remember anyone's name OR their high-flying titles for that matter... and it didn't help that everyone seemed to be speaking in tongues, what with the acronyms flying around like nobody's business (A&A, DC, PPD, blahblahblah)... Too much brain power around i tell you... the KPMG boss (also known as the Chairman), the CEO, the DCEO, Directors of the individual URA departments, Heads of dunnowhat and dunnowhere, board members who interviewed my during the scholarship interviews, present scholars, juniors whom i recognised from school, all this coupled with having to handle my parents and sis... WAH LAO! *faint*

I also met my mentor for the first time yesterday... He's supposed to be there to provide advice whenever I need it... He went to Cornell to read architecture, and thank God he's a nice guy man... very approachable, very knowledgeable, has the nicest brown eyes, and is relatively good-looking to boot! ahahahaha.... I must say it was such a relief to know that my mentor isn't some loyal old-fogey to the URA establishment. And that he's doesn't hurt the eyes of course. :p

After the ceremony, my family went to No Signboard Restaurant at Pasir Panjang, and stuffed our faces with nearly 250 bucks worth of chilli crab and mantous and various other assortments of food! And everyone loves pincers but they let me have TWO huge huge huge ones all to myself! Supersuper yummy man i tell you... the calories are all worth it!

ok i know i'm rambling on and on here, but i just wanted to let you guys feel a sense of how blessed i feel right now. Yes, it's a blessing cos i surely haven't done anything to deserve all the good that's happening to me now... The scholarship, the being able to go to NYC to study, the many people I've met in URA who seem genuinely nice and who have offered to look out for me, my family who's supportive in their own ways, and of course, YOU GUYS! *sobs*

alright... i shall stop my verbal diarrhoea here. :p

disturbances.

I'm disturbed by the fact that I know two people who are deeply attracted to each other and yet are both still currently in separate relationships. The guy has just declared his attraction to the girl, but what is she supposed to do, considering that she has only known this guy for a maximum of 3 weeks?

I'm disturbed by the fact that my grandma (who has come to live permanently with us here) makes all kinds of weird snores when she sleeps. It's really creepy considering I'm sitting alone in the darkness in front of the computer right now, whilst the whole house is asleep.

I'm disturbed by the fact that I'm soon to be leaving for NYC and yet there are fundamental issues like accomodation and air tickets that have yet to be settled. Time to get off your lazy ass and stop procrastinating!

I'm disturbed by the fact that I have made a conscious decision to run away, as I have been prone to do all this while.

I'm disturbed by the fact that the scholarship ceremony is in 2 days time, and I have yet to fully recover from my sorethroat or rehearse my songs. Also, my father went to cut his hair, short ugly and toot-looking. Yikes!

I'm disturbed by the fact that my room is in one HUGE mess even before I've started to pack. How the hell did I ever manage to accumulate so much rubbish?!?

I'm disturbed by the fact that life has gotten into a routine of nuah activity- eat, sleep, watch tv. School doesn't seem like such an exciting prospect any longer.

I'm disturbed by the fact that I couldn't resist starting on Hairy Porter and hence will be kept awake all night now, instead of relishing it on the insanely long flight to NYC as originally intended.

I'll have no peace of mind tonight.

because.i'm.super.duper.mega.bored

Havaiana holidays in Dayang!

because.i'm.super.mega.bored

Jan + Qing at Kembangan MRT pretending to be tourists.

because.i'm.super.bored

Jan + Shyn at Borders Coffee Bean for a pre-Heiny cup of coffee.

because.i'm.bored.

Dusk in Hougang while we were walking to Weiyun's house.

splurged.momma's.moolah.

My precioussssssssssss........

*peer...aim...zoom... zoom... zoom... squint...focus....click!*

muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa.... damn damn happy. :)

Kerms and I walked most of Sim Lim today, attempting to find the best prices which our new babies could be purchased at... We went into so many shops that after some time, we got confused and forgot the prices we were offered at the individual shops! Came pretty close to getting scammed too... yikes. We walked off hours later, thoroughly exhausted, a big bag in tow, and veryveryVERY much poorer, but also SO much happier! I think we both got more than what we have originally intended for ahahaha... Ultimate retail therapy man.

(Stehsi! Go get one too! *TEMPT TEMPT TEMPT*)

Now I just need a new Crumpler camera bag to go along with the new toy. *hint* hahaha (just kidding kerms! :p let me know when u're going down ok!)

happy.bday.mr.chia!

Yesterday's party at Yu Hsien's was a hoot. The place was swarming with overflowing intellect- Cambridge graduates, Stanford post-grads-to-be, Carnegie-Mellon scholars, GIC hush-hush investors, dean's list hoggers, (you get the idea) to say the least. The level of brainpower present was intimidating, but also rather invigorating. People whom I thought were slightly off their rockers back in JC, actually proved to be engaging conversationalists, possessing barmy senses of humour. Met some of his CMU housemates (a heartstoppingly cute xianyi and a funny tse wee), re-connected with some JC classmates (ultra-corny smartt David and siew!!!), joked around with some of the smartest shits from AC (conrad, forever boyish adrian zeng), eyeballed tse wee's GIC colleagues (MEGA gd-looking desmond, smartt dave's Cambridge classmate), stuffed my face full of very yummy sotong balls and otahs while enjoying the easy company of the choir people (chic-in-black-yoowie, bean the lean, teacher bo, leanne). I'm SO going to miss the friends AND the food in Singapore.

Of course, there was also the mandatory magic show by the veryvery dextrous Mr. Chia himself- highly jaw-dropping exorcist-inducing entertainment as usual. Punch a hole through a $10 note with a pen, rip the pen out from the note, and voila! the note is magically whole again? Oh yes. Yu Hsien can do it. Move coins without apparently touching them, only covering them with a shadow? Not a problem, no way-o.

All this while sniffing like crazy the entire time. Bleah. Shoo flu shoo!

humpty.dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

All of a sudden, literally overnight, the world came crashing down. Life is so fragile. You live your life, day to day, seemingly building up a fortress of impenetrable rock, only to realise in an instant that the foundation's been created out of a single matchstick. Like a loose thread that distangles itself from an entire roll of cloth, the more you pull at it, the more the seams come apart. Funny thing is, you never know exactly how vulnerable you are until hurt creeps silently in like a burglar on the prowl. It's not as if anything MAJOR has happened, but the realisation of certain things are enough to undermine the fake sense of security surrounding my life the last couple of months. I thought I wouldn't get hurt again, I thought it didn't matter, as long as I lived my life happy, did the things I wanted to do, the way I wanted to. And I was happy in a way I guess. So what happened? I had glossed over problems, pushing them to the back of my consciousness, willing them away. I'd painted over the cracks hoping they would mend when left untouched, putting up a brave "wet from new paint" front. In due time, the problems resurfaced, the paint peeled away. Still, I yearn for the childlike innocence of yesteryear, always protected, always safe in my own world. I hate feeling like this. Let me just get away from all this nonsense. I need to run far far away. Save me from myself.

colin.and.his.chio.fins... GIAN!!!

yingkai's.mei.tui

unfocussed.nemo+a.lot.of.rock

slitty-eyed.jan

fishies.galore!

dive.buddy.qing.underwater

what.nightmares.are.made.of

give.that.girl.a.tiger!

funky.colours.galore

the.world's.gone.slanted

the.ny.ladies

dayang.indah.resort

magic.show

cowgirl+rock.star!

beachy.breakfast.(hungeree.after.dawn.dive)

open.water.instructor+DM.and.dive.buddies

(pardon my cleavage... ahem.)

vy.qing.jan

perfect.ten!

na.na.na.na.don't.phunk.with.my.heart

bait.(i.mean.babes).on.a.line

bloop.bloop.(installment.three)

Final pool session today. Fared better that yesterday in terms of overall water confidence. I must say that I'm really proud of myself. Managed to take off mask, continue to breathe through the regulator and fin for a short distance, put back mask, and clear water from mask. That just about sums up the most difficult part of all the pool sessions so far... Just totally shacked out right now... Need to pack need to pack!

bloop.bloop.(installment.two)

Nearly drowned like a million times today. And I probably drank up half the entire pool's worth of water THROUGH MY NOSE. Ouch. Evidence of this fact establishes itself through the many times I had to run off to the toilet to pee- I had to take off my mask, weight belt, BCD, fins AND wetsuit, just to blardee relieve myself.

It took me quite a long time to get used to breathing underwater through my mouth only, using the regulator... and cos I'm hydrophobic, I tend to panic once I feel water seeping into my nose. It sure didn't help that my mask was a softie leaky one. Imagine the horror when I was told I had to learn how to fill my entire mask with water and clear it, still underwater. I'm glad I managed to learn the skill, albeit with much difficulty. Still, I don't foresee myself doing it unless I REALLY have to.

I felt claustrophobia even though I was at the shallow end of the pool, I just felt this urge to breathe normal air, I wanted to get my head out of the water immediately. It took all of my willpower to calm my nerves, to breathe in controlled deep breaths, and to focus on the task at hand. It's okay if water gets in, it's okay it's okay it's okay. Just don't breathe it in. It really is a mental struggle down there.

I'm just totally exhausted right now. Both physically and mentally. 2 down, 1 more to go. And then it's on to Dayang! Whoever said diving is a relak sport?!? I think I need another holiday already.

bloop.bloop.(installment.one)

Survived my first pool session! So far so good.
One down, two more to go... Three more days to Dayang!
Didn't drown doing the mandatory 200m swim and 10min treading water. I NEARLY died though. Don't laugh. In all seriousness, 200m is a very long distance for me to swim.
My instructor said my finning and my skin diving posture is excellent! I can fin gracefully and I can do the stomach tuck-in thingy to get to the bottom of the pool without much effort. (But of course... I practiced secretly with my sis last week hehehe)
My butt's aching now though, from all that finning. The only consolation I have is that I'm probably finning right. So yippee. More aches please! And firm buns in the process please!
I like diving already... and all I've seen so far is perhaps the floating bits in a very dirty pool (ignorance is bliss)... can't wait to upgrade to seeing fishies in my new turquoise crochet bikini! Nemo, come to mama...

I wanna sink to the bottom with you...
I wanna sink to the bottom with you...

elevation.280

Went to the Heineken Elevation 280 party over the weekend, this time held at Market Square Carpark right smack in the middle of the CBD area, the fateful CDL building where I used to slog at forming a part of the surrealistic backdrop of the main stage... My friend dragged me across town for binge shopping prior to the event, so by the time we got to Elevation, picked up friends, met friends and got everyone into the event area, I was freaking shacked out already. It certainly didn't help that it was a super humid night- the enormous fans that the organisers had placed at random intervals didn't do much to elevate the humidity and mass of body heat rising in a collective steam from the gyrating crowd. And boy, was it hot! The music was superb, totally immersive, thoroughly danceable, that is, ironically, until the main draw for the night, the UK band Freestylers, came on for their set right at the very end. But let's not dwell on the unimportant details for now...

Elevation was, as usual, a place where you bumped into people you would otherwise not meet. Saw roy (or rather HE saw me first... hello if you're reading this!) and finally met darius, the owner of the cute beetle, met ding with her model friend and looking gorgeous as always, got introduced to my friend's spunky-looking SMU friend, did the whole polite small talk routine with Qihua from AC track, spotted OJ from AC also, and some various hall acquaintances. There was the tall, tanned, chiselled, well-built and utterly delectable Indian-ish model who tried to pick my friend up (w00tw00t! pity about the accent though), and the mat full of funny antics who entertained me whilst I was sitting down at the sidelines during a break. There were hordes of body beautifuls, a lesser amount of face beautifuls, SPGs with the pre-requisite angmohs in tow, a couple of nearly there backless tops (including my friend's), a few fashion disasters, and one very out-of-place but happy-looking auntie. There was beer galore (heineken of course), plastic cups strewn on the floor, tons of sweaty bodies, hours of hard dancing, massive dehydration effects, supper at River Valley Rd (yummy mee goreng, lime juice and prata!), but above all, there was my 3 chiobu sec sch kakis, 1 dive kaki, and I. Cameras were not allowed into the event area, or else we would have been super trigger-happy and I would have more spoils to show for the night here. Alas, my digicam is left forgotten in my friend's car, and I have absolutely no pics that would give an accurate indication of the atmosphere of the night. Will post what pathetic spoils I have at at later date when I retrieve my digicam then. I love weekends!

P.S. The Human Torch is flaming hot!
P.P.S. Wendy, I agree that Jessica Alba is a vase, and a pretty one at that!
P.P.P.S. Kate Spade SALE!!! Need I say more? heh. :p

jackpot!

I felt like I'd struck lottery today.

An unexpected call while I was out running my errands brought me to NewAsia Bar in the company of a friend who's back from London. We had a good chat, polished off an entire basket of utterly delectable calamari (I still maintain NewAsia Bar has the best calamari EVER), and toasted to each other's successful scholarship with martinis. All this before 6pm... heh. We gazed down at Singapore's skyline, replete with the ubiquitous HDB flats that have come to be known as the staple in our local architectural industry; we looked out towards the distant seas and wondered what lands lay ahead; we picked apart SMU's lack of aesthetic value and pondered on the future of design in Singapore; from our vantage point, we imagined what it would feel like skiing off the top of the National Library's futuristic-looking blob roof. His future seems so bright, and although armed with the slightest hint of a paunch this time round, his dimples still captivate and would have charmed the socks off me had I been wearing any. Happiness is such- the feeling of contentment in listening to the other speak about issues close to his heart, the warmth of the sun's rays filtered through the full-height glass planes, the reclining on a plush velvet day bed, the world literally at your feet.

Recently I've been asking myself this question: What do I really look for in a man? Is it looks, money, character, or just a feeling that I get when I'm with him? Is it language, the way he speaks or even the sound of his voice? Is it how big his biceps are or how toned his abs is? Is it height, build, or even just the financial ability to pay for our outings together? Is is similar interests, similar backgrounds or similar opinions? I think love is hard to quantify, and even more impossible to analyse. It all just seems so beyond me. I can't even begin to say why someone would be attracted to me, of all people in the world. Whatever it is, I just know that when it happens, I want to be as comfortable with him as I am with the afore-mentioned friend. I haven't found him yet, just in case you were wondering. Oh, and of course, he's got to be into girls. :p

it's.a.sad.sad.world

What is the world coming to, what with all these rampant attacks of terrorism occurring frequently? First NYC, then Madrid, and now London? What next? Paris and Moscow? The world has always been a crazy place, but in recent years, it has notched up unbelievable levels of insanity. How can these terrorists have such disregard for human life? How can one live (or die) with such disgustingly huge amounts of innocent blood on their hands? How unsettling is it to have to live in constant fear, to have external insecurities explode in one's face at any time, to have an air of general distrust taint the eyes with which we view the world? Can ANY cause be WORTH scores of priceless lives, valid or otherwise?

Well, those terrorists apparently think so. Perhaps it's a game to them- to see who can kill the most number of people in one fell swoop. It's akin to playing God- the epitome of an act of hubris. The God who gives has every right to take away, but yet, who are these people who have not given anything but taken away everything? As a fellow infallible human being, I admit that I am in no position to condemn or to judge, but whatever it is, I do hope God rids them of their sad and all-encompassing delusions, and that He does it soon. My heart goes out to those who have suffered irreversible losses. It is a sad sad world indeed.

deep.water

i have to overcome my fear of water
i have to overcome my fear of water
i have to overcome my fear of water
i have to overcome my fear of water
i have to overcome my fear of water
i have to overcome my fear of water
i have to overcome my fear of water
i have to overcome my fear of water
i have to overcome my fear of water
i have to overcome my fear of water
i have to overcome my fear of water
i have to overcome my fear of water
i have to overcome my fear of water
i have to overcome my fear of water

bloopbloop! i think i've been to the pool more times in the last 2 days than in the last 4 years... finning is quite fun- i like the feeling of sudden accelerated power underwater... granted i still have some way to go before being comfortable in water, at least enough to subject myself to being under a whole ton of it 45 mins at one go, but... is it even possible that i might actually do it?!!?

very excited.. heh.
i'm gonna try my bestest to anyway...
gonna make sure i go to the pool as much as i can
gonna practice my finning and mask skills
gonna drive away the fear of having water in my eyes
gonna get used to the pain of breathing in water accidentally
i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna!
dayang beckons..... days of crystal clear water and intense cloudless skies, bumming on the sand with a beer in hand, bbq-ing lamb chops beside the beach, waking up to crisp morning air and beautiful sunrises, enjoying the chatty company of old friends, with not a care in the world except... do i have enough air?!!?
hahah...
i'm a beach bum! (ok... more bum than beach... still!)

the.new.love.of.my.life?

Canon 350D!


(see lah kerms... you made me SO gian hahaha)

tortured.ming.on.train.to.sapa

ethnic.baby

biker.chicks.I

the.world.at.your.feet

biker.chicks.II

the.winding.road

project.vn.2004

shutterbug.lim

sunset.over.paddyfields

contemplative.hisako

the.fountainhead.

What do you choose?

collectivism : individualism
dependence : independence
second handler : creator
parasite : self-thinker
selflessness : ego
compromise : integrity
acceptance : self-worth

Just some of the age-old questions raised in The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand.
The eye-rolling gave way to intense self-scrutiny once belief had been suspended.

One great man against the whole entire world? Live for yourself and not for others. Expect nothing and give nothing in return. Genius always meets with hatred, mediocrity with fanfare. Altruism begets bloodshed; egotism, achievement. Pity is not a virtue- it is refusing someone his right to self-esteem. Charity is evil because it thrives on the suffering of others. A man who is selfish adheres to the highest and purest standards of integrity, upholding the thought process and his creation, over and above adulation from the masses. A man who is selfless flatters others and compromises standards in order to gain acceptance. Selflessness is what altruism preaches; servitude to the masses, essentially a denouncement of the self; an embracement of spineless parasitical unthinking creatures.

Is civilisation really the saving of man from men? That one lives most sincerely when one is alone, acutely aware of the self? That civilisation attempts to give back to man the privacy and freedom of self-thought, as opposed to subjecting one to the market forces of primacy, dictated by the collective need for survival?

Architecture. Howard Roark. Me.
Food for thought indeed.

little.superhero.girl

by Corrinne May

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world
Everybody wants a piece of me
And I just don't know where to turn
I've got work piled up to my head
All I want to do is jump into bed
And wash away my troubles
with lemonade
Play hide and seek
with the boy next door
Take a trip to Singapore and
Imagine how I'll make the world
a better place

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-
Yeah

If I were a little girl
Trying to clean up the whole wide world
I'd kick the bad boys back to school
Teach them fighting's just not cool
I'd give every kid a teddy bear
Turn starving people into millionaires
Break glass ceilings with dynamite
sprinkle a little sugar and spice
Turn the bullies that terrorize
Into pink poodles that bark,
but don't bite

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-
Yeah

Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me
Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me from myself

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world


>>> just for you niki...
corrinne may website

before.the.dawn

my.foot!

ta.phrom.in.the.morning.glare

side.profile.

nameless.faces

guardians.of.bayon

moat.at.sunset

fly.away.

Corrinne May in concert at the Esplanade!
10th August (Wed), 7.30pm!
Student tix at $25!

i never know what to say on this blog anymore.
afraid of saying what i really feel and meaning what i say.
afraid of offending readers.
i suppose silence is better, although i do have a lot i want to share.
pity things just take a slanted twist somehow, when i have to word everything carefully like i do now.
it's not a journal anymore, it's a farce.
in the end, i always decide it's better to delete everything away.
and perhaps one day i will do as i'm tempted to, erase away this entire blog and start afresh.
i know someone who does that all the time, what a liberating feeling it must be!
but i'm a hoarder at heart, and will always be- i can't throw away clothes i don't wear, much less throw away memories.
don't be mistaken now, the jan of today has changed inwardly somewhat.
the overall melancholy and self-pity has finally given way to a general sense of happiness.
high-time it did anyway! jan should be known for infectious laughter and wide grins, not sulky demeanours and depressive mood swings!
it was a tough time, it really was, but i'm glad i pulled through it, although sadly it took a deep loss and many happy friends to do the trick.
so much to share, but how the words elude me.
one day though, i will break through the wall.
and then words will come, like flood, and you, dear reader, will understand.

Manhunt.is.coming!!!

yipseydaisydoos... *does a twirl around the computer*

:)

more of jon jonsson puhleeze!

beautiful.day.

:: U2::

The heart is abloom
Shoots up through the stony ground
There’s no room
No space to rent in this town

You’re out of luck
And the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
And you’re not moving anywhere

You thought you’d found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace

It’s a beautiful day
Sky falls you feel like
It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away

You’re on the road
But you’ve got no destination
You’re in the mud
In the maze of her imagination

You love this town
Even if that doesn’t ring true
You’ve been all over
And it’s been all over you

It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away
It’s a beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Teach me
I know I’m not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See china right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colors came out

It was a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away
Beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Reach me
I know I’m not a hopeless case

What you don’t have you don’t need it now
What you don’t know you can feel it somehow
What you don’t have you don’t need it now
Don’t need it now
Was a beautiful day

is.it.even.possible?!!?

*blinkblink*
*pinch myself*

who.i.am

janny as comic-tized by lisa... quite a wonderful lil cartoon isn't it?
cc's one wasn't as successful though... muahahahaha

Been swamped in work the past week and a half, amazing how the bosses decide to allocate more resposibility to me within my last two weeks of work left with the company. Many many things to do, so many errands to run, details to finalise, itinerary to work out, stuff to buy, portfolios to print out, forms to fill in, letters to be signed, brochures to be designed, plans to be photoshopped, presentations to be compiled. It has been a whirlwind of a week, but it seems almost fulfilling in some way... no time to idle, no time to waste. Go go go! Okay now I have to prepare for a final interview, trip details to be posted up soon! Land of bird flu here we come! (cheepcheep!)

surrealism.at.work

The past week has been rather surreal, to say the least. But absolutely enjoyable, and loving every minute of it. Everyday has been filled with activities, good books, friends and loved ones. There are goals to reach and targets to be met. It seems almost unbelievable that life can be so good, that happiness can emanate from one's inner being. Gone are the days of having to agonise over a soured friendship, or to contemplate over life's emminent hardships. Complication is a thing of the past- Live and let live. Just be. There's no need for internal strife and competition, no need for secrecy and priviledged information, no need for putting down other people just to feel good about oneself, no need for always wanting to be accepted. For I am loved, if not by some, then by many others; I know that now.

:: The alternating hot+humid and wet+bone-chilling weather
:: The chillout session at Ice Cold Beer with NY kakis, filled with what else but beer, chix wings and potato wedges!
:: Talk of diving trips and opening of joint-venture beachfront cafes (in which my central role is to nuah and to look good doing it *pose*)
:: Adjournment to Club 95 where I sipped a lychee martini opposite Irene Ang, who was looking gorgeously slim in a black halter dress
:: Shopping with yoowie and stepping into expensive shops I would never have dreamed of stepping into, me in my tattered jeans and all
:: Fish & Chips dinner at a previously quaintly undiscovered nook in Taka basement
:: Royce chocs for the helpful tutors and ex-boss
:: Working on a Sunday
:: SUPERLY stressful day on a Monday that never ended until the Tuesday sun shone bright and strong
:: Bak Ku Teh @ Balestier Rd with sis and soon-to-be bro-in-law, next to an antique poster of a Guiness Stout girl
:: Walking past a long and darkened corridor enroute to the dressmaker's house, which reminded me of Neo's pilgrimage to meet the Oracle
:: Discussing possible dress designs with the dressmaker in her small slightly cramped kitchen, and getting measured from head to foot, while wishing the measurements would miraculously decrease by half in 3 weeks' time
:: Chatting to Suf the whole day at work, even though I've never talked to him face-to-face before
:: Watching the season finale of The Amazing Race, already knowing the final outcome thanks to my over-enthusiastic bro-in-law
:: Watching the 'good' guys overcome the plainly scheming but ever so much more interesting 'bad'
:: Lunch with CC's friend, Roy, entertaining with his funny descriptive sounds and slightly off-skewed spectacles
:: Having to fax over a copy of my passport because the Cambodian Embassy had forgotten to retain a copy when I was there to make my visa
:: Dinner with CC's super chio sis at Cedele!

And I think what took the icing of the cake from this entire surreality business, as well as the event which sparked off this post to begin with, is

:: Peeing in adjacent cubicles with CC's sis. Tinkling sounds never sounded any louder.

kiss.like.a.rose

To play PETALS AROUND THE ROSE, click here.
It's a freaking wah-lau-eh kind of game, don't say I didn't warn you.

choices.choices.choices

Sometimes I wish there weren't so many choices to make. I wish I knew more surely what exactly I want to do with my life, I wish I knew what was best for me all the time. I wish that choices made now wouldn't have such a frighteningly vast impact on my future, I wish it would be easier to choose.

God gave all of us human beings a choice - what do YOU choose to do?

To live, to die,
To laugh, to cry,
To stay, to go,
To pretend, or,
To know.

I wish someone would spare me the agony and decide for me. Ok, I don't really wish that. I know this is my choice and mine alone to make. It's just... SO DIFFICULT you know.

b.r.e.a.t.h.e.

:: telepopmusik ::

I brought you something close to me,
Left for something you see though your here.
You haunt my dreams
There's nothing to do but believe,
Just believe.
Just breathe.

Another day, just believe,
Another day, just breathe
Another day, just believe,
Another day. Just breathe.

I'm used to it by now.
Another day, just believe.
Just breathe. Just believe.
Just breathe.
Lying in my bed,
Another day, staring at the ceiling.

Just breathe. Another day.
Another day, just believe.
Another day.
I'm used to it by now.
I'm used to it by now.
Just breathe. Just believe.
Just breathe. Just believe.
Just believe. Just breathe.
Just believe.
Another day, just believe.
Another day.
Another day, just believe,
Another day, just breathe,
Another day (I do believe).
Another day(so hard to breathe)
Another day(not so hard to believe)
Another day. Another day.

momma's.coming.home!

touching down in exactly one hour's time. :)

holiday.laziness.

I'm too lazy to post much,
except to say that,
a substantial amount of my last month's pay has gone into Coffee Club's cashier tills judging from the frequency of my visits to their outlets,
Jon is a much happier boy nowadays and I'm delighted for him too,
Crystal Jade La Mian Xiao Long Bao has damn yummy and xlbs (and affordable too!),
there isn't much to buy in orchard nowadays except for a pair of skimpy blue shorts and blue beaded necklaces,
Middlesex is thoroughly enthralling- hemaphrodites are still human beings,
Hard-boiled Wonderland awaits in a nicely bound volume with great promise,
Dempsey Rd has a nice wine place and sitting outdoors there doesn't really feel like S'pore,
I like talking to new interesting people cos somehow they make gatherings with the old a little more bearable somehow,
Steve Lawler churns out great trance,
Roger Sanchez's vocals don't really cut it for me,
Heineken is good for the throat but broken Heineken bottles cause heart trepidations,
Yoowie is a good dancing kaki, and Denvy is good for getting free drinks,
3-inch heels are killers to dance in for four straight hours,
free makeovers are shady dubious affairs which are best avoided (as I did at the very last moment),
canoeing at east coast is best done in the comfort of one's bed with a good book to boot,
and holidays are periods of irrepressible lethargy.

I'm so lazy I think I shall plonk myself in front of the tv for the next few hours.

hairy.issue

Your Ideal Hairstyle: Light Edges

:: what.hairstyle.is.right.for.you?

okok fine... i'm bored at work.

very sleepy actually

and nothing much to do after the initial mad rush of the day up till submission time.

i wanna go home to sleep.

and my current hairstyle is preeeetttyyy close to my ideal hairstyle is it not?

excluding the side tail of course. heh.