i'll.remember.you.

Sorry wasn't good enough
A song without meter and rhyme
A long forgotten promise I recalled I made to you
A candle flame dies in the wind
It looks like it's about to rain, about to rain

Spirals from your cigarette
Your sweet colgone on my pillow
Messages you left me still sing like some lullaby
Pretty pictures on the wall
Hopes in us will rise & fall, rise & fall

And in the rain
In summer days too
When the willow tree weeps too
Under the street light so bright
I'll remember you everyday

The plane leaves in an hour's time
Hold me till our last goodbye
Silence is the only sound
No words can speak it through
I'll breathe your breath for one last time
You'll be strong and so will I, so will I

And in the rain
In summer days too
When the willow tree weeps too
Under the street light so bright
I'll remember you
I'll remember you
I'll remember you
Everyday

Feeling somewhat nostalgic today. The weather's gorgeous out, the air is cool and the sun's shining brightly. I'm in an oddly happy mood, with overall sense of well-being. Went to school to meet my professor and hand up my assignment, and was lucky enough to be introduced to his younger SUPER GOOD-LOOKING brother, and his father. Bumped into my fav korean classmate at the bursar's and sat on campus for a bit to catch up with her. I've missed her so much... she's just like an older sister to me- she looks out for me at school, we bitch together whenever things get rough, we talk over problems together over long lunches. Made a date with her to go to k-town next friday for korean bbq and spicy tofu soup (yummers!) and then karaoke after. Ran into another classmate and his partner at the corner coffeeplace- seems like everyone is everywhere being busy with everything this summer. Came home and got a call from a friend wanting me to go down to the recording studio and do some back-up for his band over the weekend... sounds exciting yah! I'm going to be on a demo (although my voice probably can't be heard over all the banging of drums and clashing of cymbals and whining on electric guits).. STILL. Talked to my future housemate over our housing prospects (or lack thereof)... I do hope we manage to find one soon before I become homeless in exactly 3 days' time. Going to an open house later in the evening, just one block down from where I am right now... *prays hard*

Feels like a day where Tanya's voice floats over in the background, and so I started playing her songs on my computer... and somehow I got to finding her lyrics online. Couldn't find it for the song I originally wanted, but guess what I found? The lyrics to the song I once sang at an aki bbq in year 2 I think... Seems like such a long time ago, with niki strumming the guitar, and everyone else pigging out on food at the garden area. Come to think of it, those gatherings were pretty fun huh? I can't remember the tune anymore, only the chorus part, but as I read the lyrics over, I just felt like crying. Suddenly reminded of Alice, and Alvin Yeo Jie Hao, and those nights spent singing/playing guitar in the stairwell with bing, lim and niki. Nice resonances and happy faces. I miss you guys, everyone seems so far away, leading vastly different lives. Hope everyone's having a good time whereever you are, coping well with life and all, and actively searching for happiness. *hugs* This song's for you, my dear friends, till we meet again.

animate.form.

Been auditing a 3dsMax class in school, and rediscovering how cool computer programmes actually are. Spent the whole of last night tweaking animations and space warps, and rendering surfaces with tessellations. Amazing how something that looks so simple could take me so long to figure out. haha. I know, I know... doesn't sound like me to be working so hard (and for no school credit?!!?)... Eeps. Read a little bit of Greg Lynn's essay on "Animate Form", and I think I'm becoming to understand why architecture has recently been moving towards the blob, curvatures, and animations processes as a design procedure. Not entirely convinced yet, or rather I'm not clear how my appreciation of 'clean' aesthetics fit into the overall scheme of things, but I feel as if I'm more aware of how architecture as a field can engage in such a broad spectrum of issues, that perhaps relegating it to mere buildings would be somewhat incredulous. Oh gosh. What has Pratt done to me? Guess it's time to go back to my taiwanese soaps. hehe. Joe Cheng! My new idol....... *swoon* And yes bohboh, I take it back... Kim Sung Soo IS drop-dead gorgeous too. (- -")

heat.wave.

Don't be fooled by the summer again

Been about 3 weeks since I came back to nyc from london... temperatures have been soaring to above human living conditions- today it hit a high of 43 deg c... Humidity seems to be 200% (is that even possible?) since you sweat like a pig even when u're sitting in front of 2 fans and doing absolutely nothing but trying to breathe. Thunderstorms are expected tonight, together with possible tornadoes, signalling the end of the current heat wave that has had much of the east coast in an oven-baked blanket. I think I will just be grateful for the relief that the rain brings with it. Summer fun indeed.

Current background image>>> Feist "Gatekeeper" lyrics and Quattro Signioni (4 Seasons) by American artist Cy Twombly

visitor. #5 (before koks, not shown in pics)

Strange how I seem to do all the touristy stuff only when people come to visit... In the last 2 weeks or so, I've traipsed over more of Manhattan than I had over the previous 9 months or so that I've been here. Or, at least, hit more of the general tourist hotspots... It's pretty amazing how much ground one can cover in 2 days here- (as featured) Brooklyn Bridge, Statue of Liberty, Guggenheim Museum, Central Park... Also covered but not shown, Grimaldi's Pizza, Ground Zero, Century 21, Belgian Bar, Washington Square, 5th ave and Lexington Ave. I love it when the sun's out! :)

let.me.count.the.ways.i.love.thee

+ brunch at Good Enough To Eat, Upper West Side
+ explored Lower East Side
+ tea at Ini Ani, LES
+ tried for Wicked lottery tickets
+ dinner at Subway near Times Square
+ dessert of reese's peanut butter cups
+ watched Hairspray starring Diana Degarmo at Broadway
+ star-gazing at 14th street, some random celebrity party we chanced upon (Matthew Perry! Felicity Huffman! Lindsay Lohan!!!)
+ supper of boiled mussels, fries and spinach at Restaurant Florent at Meatpacking District

+ clubbing at Cielo, Meatpacking District

+ brunch at Olea, Brooklyn
+ vintage-hunting at Williamsburg
+ design week fair at Meatpacking District
+ tea of chicken pot pie at the Little Pie Company
+ shopping at Macy's, 34th st
+ dinner at Korea town

+ bagel breakfast at Pratt lawn

+ brunch at Grey Dog's Cafe, West 4th st
+ shopping at Filene's Basement
+ tea at Chef & Company, 18th st
+ Parson's Comm Design graduating exhibition
+ Abercrombie & Fitch at 5th ave
+ krispy kreme hunting at Penn Station
+ dinner at Penn Station

Goodbye toyboy! Till the next time we meet again (prob another few years later...) It was fun having you as an escort for a week in new york.... hahahahaha. Who knew we would have so much in common? Same hair gunk, same havaianas, me picking the same tee shirt that u picked a few days ago out of the whole vintage store, spotting Cielo in the MPD brochures at the same time... So, who's next?

good.times.pass.by.too.quickly

New.York.New.York

I was talking to my friend the other day, and she remarked that a lot of the times, we take the charm of New York for granted. Everyday, we walk past these places that have significant historical and/or cultural value, and we gloss over them without really comprehending the sheer magnificence of it all. Ahh... the lure of being in New York City. Entire songs have eschewed its brilliance, whole movies have been centred on capturing the essence of its beauty... Delirious New York was written to expound on the theme of Manhattanism, an urban/societal condition that is as much a marvellous creation/manipulation as much as utopian Singapore's. For all the grime and inefficiency of the subways, the accumulation of garbage on its sidewalks, and the constant forced interactions with its legions of rats, something has to be said about this city that continues to charm the socks off people. Is it merely the idea of New York or the actual place that we have fallen in love with?

Walking past Washington Square, I was informed that jazz greats like Jimi Hendrix used to hang out there. Past the corner, Mamoun's, a tiny unassuming place that churns out fantastic falafels for an amazingly low price, was where my friend once stood with Beck in line behind him. We walked the sidewalks in the footsteps of the famous and the brilliant, we follow in the paths of millions who have gone before us. I recognized the neighbourhood in Brooklyn a mere couple of blocks away from school where scenes from Munich were shot in- I was standing just out of the camera's angle while they were shooting it because I had happened to chance upon the movie set after school one day. I bite into a vodka sauce pizza in SoHo, and I taste the layers of history in it... Ray's, Lombardi's, Luigi's, Grimaldi's, Totonno's... The best pizza is indeed to be found right here, in the echelons of the ubiquituous pizzarias in New York. I look over to my right while taking a yellow cab back towards Brooklyn from a night out in Manhattan, and I see the well-known sight of Brooklyn Bridge, lit up by a thousand beautiful lights. The Empire State building is clothed in varying combinations of canary yellow and pure white tonight, and it is gorgeous from my vantage point. I remember walking in the renowned Meatpacking district with sy, and wondering which window it was that Sam Jones stuck her head out of to shout at the trannies. Sipping my cosmos, watching the people. History, fiction or otherwise, can be such an alluring trap that reveres the romantic idea and blinds us to the harsh and oftentimes smelly reality of it all.

There is so much to be grateful for, and so much to experience, and yet why do I choose to hole up in my room, revel in my self-deprecating misery and allow myself to feel completely inadequate and unworthy? I totally agree with yvette about how trying to be brave and independent inadvertently becomes a taxing endeavour... I do feel tired, and that's perhaps why most of the times I would rather stay at home and catch up on sleep, than to take a solitary walk into an area of the neighbourhood, or to go into the city and explore a new part of it. Maybe not being physically located in the heart of Manhattan has a lot to do with my detachment towards the cliche of New York. I literally do not know my way around the city- it remains an enigma even after nearly 8 months of living here. And sad as it seems, it would probably take a miracle to reverse the downhill spiral of school-home-home-school that I've tumbled into. I'm optimistic though, that after these two years here, I will emerge a stronger person. I will miss New York for what she has given to me; for the buskers in the subways that bring music to my ears, for the accepting smile and the slightest nod from a random stranger in the street that gives hope to my soul, for the few but true friends who really care. I choose to look beyond the hurts and the ugliness, to overlook the selfishness and imperfections, and to appreciate and cherish the chance that has been bestowed upon me. I choose to live, and to live it up well, come what may. I will not let New York down.

i.need.to.get.this.out.of.my.system

Spring break is finally here... a much needed break from school and all the people from school.
Sick sick SICK! Gawd, I'm SO sick of school, and everything related to it! I want to go to a beach and nuah my days away. I want a simple life, full of simple wants and simple cares. I want to lay down all the burdens that have been placed upon my shoulders, and be at peace with the world again. I want to be surprised by chance encounters, and find joy in connecting with other people, instead of being suffocated by the memories of previous interactions. I want to wake up in the morning and look forward to a new day, and feel accomplished and fulfilled at the end of it. Is it possible to begin on a blank slate all over again?

It's definitely been a tough journey thus far, all 2 months and 21 days since 2006 began. I haven't had a proper break at all this semester... Been going to school every single freaking day (weekends included of course), and working my ass off, trying to hold up the fort while my useless partner gallivants around, attempting to control emotions and suppress anger at the injustice of the entire situation, pretending to ignore the hurts that somehow manage to pile up into an untidy heap... ME! The slacker who skipped lectures for a whole semester back in NUS!!! Gosh, I'm tired. Tired of cadding all the time, and struggling with a project that doesn't seem to be coming together at all, tired of having to deal with people that merely use me for their own selfish gains, tired of having to work with a people I don't admire anymore, tired of being different. All the ups and downs, struggles and inner turmoil that's just so hard to explain to friends and family who are physically far away. Everything is too minor to expend energy explaining each and every single detail, but yet cumulatively, is too major to ignore. It's difficult, it really is. When did life start to become so hard? When did the experience of living abroad become a farcical adventure? When did school become such an immense emotional torture? When did people begin to survive on mere selfish intentions? Months after arriving in the states, stripped away from all naivety and initial euphoria, disillusionment has crept in and occupied centrestage. If I have neglected to update this blog, it's not because I don't want to, but because I don't know how to. I've tried to refrain from drowning the blog in negativity because as much as I seem a depressive maniac, there have been pockets of good times in the overwhelming bad, just that it's not nearly enough to balance out properly.

Expectations. This word seems to be a recurrent theme in my interactions with people this year. Where do I start to count the numerous times I've felt like giving up and running away from it all? Should we just not expect anything from anyone, and in the wise words of a friend, LET PEOPLE SURPRISE US?!?

so they say everything happens for a reason...
what the hell is the reason now?

got.this.off.niki's.blog.too

Attentive Dreamer

blast.off.

The first mid-term review was a blast.
A blast off into outerspace and then smack back down into earth face-first, to be more exact.

But what the hell do they expect?!? 7th week into the school term and we're already supposed to have a solid design that fulfills programmatic requirements (which for a supermarket program, is a hell lot of considerations), integrate structural and mechanical aspects to it, produce schematic construction drawings including proper drafting standards- site plan. main level plan. mezzanine level plan. sections. elevations. mech plan. structural plan. model. blahblahblahblah.
Doesn't help that it's groupwork and that I'm already at a disadvantage because I'm in a group of two while others are in groups of threes, but listen to this... MY PARTNER IS NON-EXISTENT.... woohoo. well done. She doesn't give a damn, I have to constantly hound her to do work, she cannot cad properly/uses a mac and cannot install autocad onto her mac cos it doesn't seem to work ever with virtual pc, gives me attitude every once so often, gets grouchy when she's tired (which seems to be all the time, and which means I do all-nighters alone while she goes to bed), and doesn't seem to get anything right. Wth right?!!? dammit.
Not to mention that this has just got to be the most uninteresting program brief EVER. bleah. another 3 months of this shit? WAAAAAAAAY TO GO. Hit me with your best shot baybee.

I'm not halfway done bitching yet, but on a more bimbotic note, there were 2 good-lookers at my crit yesterday... Andrew and Chantilly... Structural and Mech engineer respectively, and both look oh-so-fine! Andrew works at Arup, was wearing a super nice pink shirt and his face softens so much when he smiles. (which he did, AT ME, during my crit... is it any wonder I kept getting distracted? ahahaha) Chantilly has got the blue-est eyes ever, her skin is perfect, features attractive, and she is SO FREAKING TALL!!! She must be at least 3 heads taller than I am... gosh. And then my friend said that she's his band's lead singer's girlfriend... WOAH. Hot stuff baybee.

ok.. more updates later... off to catch up on tv!
hehehe...

screwed.by.maya

archeetek.

'Nuff said. This caused great guffaws in studio just because of how true it is... just for all you fellow aki-sufferers!!! Hang in there!

bored.and.taking.random.tickle.tests

Janice, your best quality shines through in how Intelligent you are

The fact that you're a smart person who is more able to understand complex concepts than many other people are really draws people to you! But that's not the only thing. Your answers on the test indicate you're an inventive and creative person who usually has an abundance of imagination and ideas. You are a funny person who is likely known for your great sense of humor, too.

In all, there are 15 qualities that help define you when you're at your best. Those are the traits potential employers, friends, and partners look for in you. What makes you unique is your particular distribution of those 15 qualities.

We've found that your particular combination of qualities is rare — only 1 in 10,000 people share the same general mix of traits. Those are great odds if you're trying to show a potential employer, colleague, friend, or date why you're exactly the right person for them.

orange.for.vday

Orange
You're a bold, confident orange. A warm, powerful color that indicates a strong, welcoming personality, orange is the mark of people who are social and extroverted by nature. Vibrant, with an upbeat attitude, you have a bright, inviting demeanor. Energetic and fun-loving, you're a real friend-magnet. Your easy charm and unassuming manner make you the sort of person people want to meet and get to know better. Well-rounded and fun to be around, you enjoy helping others, so it's no surprise that orange also symbolizes attraction. Orange is an extraordinary color — for an extraordinary person.

zzz.

what do you do when you're an insomniac?

recently i find myself in situations where my mind refuses to take a rest even though my body is screaming out for a break. i toss and i turn for hours on end, snippets of conversations and songs running through my head, interspersed with flashes of faces i know. could this be a sign of ageing and turning senile? hahaha.

i've tried:
+ counting sheep baaaaa baaaaa baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
+ singing a song to myself
+ doing crunches (which i gave up doing real easily becos i'm such a wuss right now)
+ hiding my face under my duvet
+ staring into blank space and wondering what you guys are doing all over the world right now

and as you can tell, nothing worked.
so eventually i decided to get out of bed and surf the net...
going crazy.. gawd.

oh OH!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE!!!
hot dates anyone? heh.

my.yellow.arrow

check out www.yellowarrow.net

the.big.25

Had a combined birthday party at Grand [a cool bar/cafe near my school] with 3 other friends on 3rd Feb...
I had fun dancing all night long, blowing candles out at 12mn 4th Feb, drinking lichicosmos [courtesy of the bar owner, and made on special request], raspberry ginger martini [courtesy of my housemate], tequila shots [courtesy of various friends], mimosas and vodka shots [courtesy of fellow bday girls], overdosing on chocolate salad and yummy grilled mozarella bite-sized sandwiches...
Went to the Met Museum to see the Calatrava exhibition on 4th Feb [still suffering from a freaking hangover], had a super yummy Sunday brunch at a quaint French restaurant in my Brooklyn area, received 2 unexpected bouquets of frowers from friends- I've never celebrated my birthday this hard or this long before. Wished you guys could have been there to await the dawn of a new quarter of a century with me. It feels scary to be so old... [15 more years to make movie mingming!] I can only say I'm glad I'm not going to be the first, nor the last person to feel this way. At this point in my life, hitting such a numerical benchmark in terms of age merely makes everything else seem insignificant. I do have a lot to be grateful for, and grades have been going pretty well thus far, but then there's no accomplishment I can really lay claim to... or can I? Either way, although last year ended pretty shitty, and this year started out pretty shitty too, I have to constantly remind myself that I have to get as much out of this experience as possible. Good things never last, and thankfully, neither does the bad. So here's wishing everyone a Happy Birthday, cos sooner or later, IT will come, and cos happiness [and the fear of growing old] should be spread far and wide. Have a good year ahead everyone, and till we meet again... [no I don't mean online.. ahaha]

pandora.com

songs/bands to download:

"Neon Golden" and "One With The Freaks" by The NoTwist
"Windowframes" by Paulson
"Rise" and " Ceremony" by Rainer Maria
"Roll To Me" and "Driving With The Brakes On" by Del Amitri
"Tears Are In Your Eyes" by Yo La Tengo
Death Cab For Cutie
"Driftwood" by Travis
"Jump" by Madonna
"Yesterday Is Gone" by Lenny Kravitz
"Innocent Vigilant Ordinary" by The Appleseed Cast
"Blackout" by Lovedrug
Air
Zero 7
"Green" by Sister Hazel
"Rocks" by Loquat
Antour de Lucie
"Always Come Back To You" by Ryan Cabrera
The Trouble With Sweeney


all this after 6 hours of pandora-ing, 2 days of ourtunes, and 3 hours with my friend's sleek black ipod...
have you PANDORA-ed yet? :)

the.story.of.my.life?!?

"Cigarettes And Chocolate Milk"
by Rufus Wainwright

cigarettes and chocolate milk
these are just a couple of my cravings
everything it seems i like's a little bit stronger
a little bit thicker
a little bit harmful for me

if i should buy jellybeans
have to eat them all in just one sitting
everything it seems i like's a little bit sweeter
a little bit fatter
a little bit harmful for me

and then there's those other things
which for several reasons we won't mention
everything about them is a little bit stranger
a little bit harder
a little bit deadly

it isn't very smart
tends to make one part so broken-hearted

sitting here remembering me
always been a shoe made for the city
go ahead, accuse me of just singing about places
with scrappy boys faces
have general run of the town
playing with prodigal songs
takes a lot of sentimental valiums
can't expect the world to be your raggedy andy
while running on empty
you little old doll with a frown

you got to keep in the game
maintaining mystique while facing forward
i suggest a reading of 'a lesson in tightropes'
or 'surfing your high hopes' or 'adios kansas'

it isn't very smart
tends to make one part so broken-hearted
still there's not a show on my backholes or a friendly intervention
i'm just a little bit heiress, a little bit irish
a little bit tower of pisa whenever i see you
so please be kind if i'm a mess
cigarettes and chocolate milk