i.need.to.get.this.out.of.my.system

Spring break is finally here... a much needed break from school and all the people from school.
Sick sick SICK! Gawd, I'm SO sick of school, and everything related to it! I want to go to a beach and nuah my days away. I want a simple life, full of simple wants and simple cares. I want to lay down all the burdens that have been placed upon my shoulders, and be at peace with the world again. I want to be surprised by chance encounters, and find joy in connecting with other people, instead of being suffocated by the memories of previous interactions. I want to wake up in the morning and look forward to a new day, and feel accomplished and fulfilled at the end of it. Is it possible to begin on a blank slate all over again?

It's definitely been a tough journey thus far, all 2 months and 21 days since 2006 began. I haven't had a proper break at all this semester... Been going to school every single freaking day (weekends included of course), and working my ass off, trying to hold up the fort while my useless partner gallivants around, attempting to control emotions and suppress anger at the injustice of the entire situation, pretending to ignore the hurts that somehow manage to pile up into an untidy heap... ME! The slacker who skipped lectures for a whole semester back in NUS!!! Gosh, I'm tired. Tired of cadding all the time, and struggling with a project that doesn't seem to be coming together at all, tired of having to deal with people that merely use me for their own selfish gains, tired of having to work with a people I don't admire anymore, tired of being different. All the ups and downs, struggles and inner turmoil that's just so hard to explain to friends and family who are physically far away. Everything is too minor to expend energy explaining each and every single detail, but yet cumulatively, is too major to ignore. It's difficult, it really is. When did life start to become so hard? When did the experience of living abroad become a farcical adventure? When did school become such an immense emotional torture? When did people begin to survive on mere selfish intentions? Months after arriving in the states, stripped away from all naivety and initial euphoria, disillusionment has crept in and occupied centrestage. If I have neglected to update this blog, it's not because I don't want to, but because I don't know how to. I've tried to refrain from drowning the blog in negativity because as much as I seem a depressive maniac, there have been pockets of good times in the overwhelming bad, just that it's not nearly enough to balance out properly.

Expectations. This word seems to be a recurrent theme in my interactions with people this year. Where do I start to count the numerous times I've felt like giving up and running away from it all? Should we just not expect anything from anyone, and in the wise words of a friend, LET PEOPLE SURPRISE US?!?