New.York.New.York

I was talking to my friend the other day, and she remarked that a lot of the times, we take the charm of New York for granted. Everyday, we walk past these places that have significant historical and/or cultural value, and we gloss over them without really comprehending the sheer magnificence of it all. Ahh... the lure of being in New York City. Entire songs have eschewed its brilliance, whole movies have been centred on capturing the essence of its beauty... Delirious New York was written to expound on the theme of Manhattanism, an urban/societal condition that is as much a marvellous creation/manipulation as much as utopian Singapore's. For all the grime and inefficiency of the subways, the accumulation of garbage on its sidewalks, and the constant forced interactions with its legions of rats, something has to be said about this city that continues to charm the socks off people. Is it merely the idea of New York or the actual place that we have fallen in love with?

Walking past Washington Square, I was informed that jazz greats like Jimi Hendrix used to hang out there. Past the corner, Mamoun's, a tiny unassuming place that churns out fantastic falafels for an amazingly low price, was where my friend once stood with Beck in line behind him. We walked the sidewalks in the footsteps of the famous and the brilliant, we follow in the paths of millions who have gone before us. I recognized the neighbourhood in Brooklyn a mere couple of blocks away from school where scenes from Munich were shot in- I was standing just out of the camera's angle while they were shooting it because I had happened to chance upon the movie set after school one day. I bite into a vodka sauce pizza in SoHo, and I taste the layers of history in it... Ray's, Lombardi's, Luigi's, Grimaldi's, Totonno's... The best pizza is indeed to be found right here, in the echelons of the ubiquituous pizzarias in New York. I look over to my right while taking a yellow cab back towards Brooklyn from a night out in Manhattan, and I see the well-known sight of Brooklyn Bridge, lit up by a thousand beautiful lights. The Empire State building is clothed in varying combinations of canary yellow and pure white tonight, and it is gorgeous from my vantage point. I remember walking in the renowned Meatpacking district with sy, and wondering which window it was that Sam Jones stuck her head out of to shout at the trannies. Sipping my cosmos, watching the people. History, fiction or otherwise, can be such an alluring trap that reveres the romantic idea and blinds us to the harsh and oftentimes smelly reality of it all.

There is so much to be grateful for, and so much to experience, and yet why do I choose to hole up in my room, revel in my self-deprecating misery and allow myself to feel completely inadequate and unworthy? I totally agree with yvette about how trying to be brave and independent inadvertently becomes a taxing endeavour... I do feel tired, and that's perhaps why most of the times I would rather stay at home and catch up on sleep, than to take a solitary walk into an area of the neighbourhood, or to go into the city and explore a new part of it. Maybe not being physically located in the heart of Manhattan has a lot to do with my detachment towards the cliche of New York. I literally do not know my way around the city- it remains an enigma even after nearly 8 months of living here. And sad as it seems, it would probably take a miracle to reverse the downhill spiral of school-home-home-school that I've tumbled into. I'm optimistic though, that after these two years here, I will emerge a stronger person. I will miss New York for what she has given to me; for the buskers in the subways that bring music to my ears, for the accepting smile and the slightest nod from a random stranger in the street that gives hope to my soul, for the few but true friends who really care. I choose to look beyond the hurts and the ugliness, to overlook the selfishness and imperfections, and to appreciate and cherish the chance that has been bestowed upon me. I choose to live, and to live it up well, come what may. I will not let New York down.

i.need.to.get.this.out.of.my.system

Spring break is finally here... a much needed break from school and all the people from school.
Sick sick SICK! Gawd, I'm SO sick of school, and everything related to it! I want to go to a beach and nuah my days away. I want a simple life, full of simple wants and simple cares. I want to lay down all the burdens that have been placed upon my shoulders, and be at peace with the world again. I want to be surprised by chance encounters, and find joy in connecting with other people, instead of being suffocated by the memories of previous interactions. I want to wake up in the morning and look forward to a new day, and feel accomplished and fulfilled at the end of it. Is it possible to begin on a blank slate all over again?

It's definitely been a tough journey thus far, all 2 months and 21 days since 2006 began. I haven't had a proper break at all this semester... Been going to school every single freaking day (weekends included of course), and working my ass off, trying to hold up the fort while my useless partner gallivants around, attempting to control emotions and suppress anger at the injustice of the entire situation, pretending to ignore the hurts that somehow manage to pile up into an untidy heap... ME! The slacker who skipped lectures for a whole semester back in NUS!!! Gosh, I'm tired. Tired of cadding all the time, and struggling with a project that doesn't seem to be coming together at all, tired of having to deal with people that merely use me for their own selfish gains, tired of having to work with a people I don't admire anymore, tired of being different. All the ups and downs, struggles and inner turmoil that's just so hard to explain to friends and family who are physically far away. Everything is too minor to expend energy explaining each and every single detail, but yet cumulatively, is too major to ignore. It's difficult, it really is. When did life start to become so hard? When did the experience of living abroad become a farcical adventure? When did school become such an immense emotional torture? When did people begin to survive on mere selfish intentions? Months after arriving in the states, stripped away from all naivety and initial euphoria, disillusionment has crept in and occupied centrestage. If I have neglected to update this blog, it's not because I don't want to, but because I don't know how to. I've tried to refrain from drowning the blog in negativity because as much as I seem a depressive maniac, there have been pockets of good times in the overwhelming bad, just that it's not nearly enough to balance out properly.

Expectations. This word seems to be a recurrent theme in my interactions with people this year. Where do I start to count the numerous times I've felt like giving up and running away from it all? Should we just not expect anything from anyone, and in the wise words of a friend, LET PEOPLE SURPRISE US?!?

so they say everything happens for a reason...
what the hell is the reason now?

got.this.off.niki's.blog.too

Attentive Dreamer

blast.off.

The first mid-term review was a blast.
A blast off into outerspace and then smack back down into earth face-first, to be more exact.

But what the hell do they expect?!? 7th week into the school term and we're already supposed to have a solid design that fulfills programmatic requirements (which for a supermarket program, is a hell lot of considerations), integrate structural and mechanical aspects to it, produce schematic construction drawings including proper drafting standards- site plan. main level plan. mezzanine level plan. sections. elevations. mech plan. structural plan. model. blahblahblahblah.
Doesn't help that it's groupwork and that I'm already at a disadvantage because I'm in a group of two while others are in groups of threes, but listen to this... MY PARTNER IS NON-EXISTENT.... woohoo. well done. She doesn't give a damn, I have to constantly hound her to do work, she cannot cad properly/uses a mac and cannot install autocad onto her mac cos it doesn't seem to work ever with virtual pc, gives me attitude every once so often, gets grouchy when she's tired (which seems to be all the time, and which means I do all-nighters alone while she goes to bed), and doesn't seem to get anything right. Wth right?!!? dammit.
Not to mention that this has just got to be the most uninteresting program brief EVER. bleah. another 3 months of this shit? WAAAAAAAAY TO GO. Hit me with your best shot baybee.

I'm not halfway done bitching yet, but on a more bimbotic note, there were 2 good-lookers at my crit yesterday... Andrew and Chantilly... Structural and Mech engineer respectively, and both look oh-so-fine! Andrew works at Arup, was wearing a super nice pink shirt and his face softens so much when he smiles. (which he did, AT ME, during my crit... is it any wonder I kept getting distracted? ahahaha) Chantilly has got the blue-est eyes ever, her skin is perfect, features attractive, and she is SO FREAKING TALL!!! She must be at least 3 heads taller than I am... gosh. And then my friend said that she's his band's lead singer's girlfriend... WOAH. Hot stuff baybee.

ok.. more updates later... off to catch up on tv!
hehehe...

screwed.by.maya

archeetek.

'Nuff said. This caused great guffaws in studio just because of how true it is... just for all you fellow aki-sufferers!!! Hang in there!

bored.and.taking.random.tickle.tests

Janice, your best quality shines through in how Intelligent you are

The fact that you're a smart person who is more able to understand complex concepts than many other people are really draws people to you! But that's not the only thing. Your answers on the test indicate you're an inventive and creative person who usually has an abundance of imagination and ideas. You are a funny person who is likely known for your great sense of humor, too.

In all, there are 15 qualities that help define you when you're at your best. Those are the traits potential employers, friends, and partners look for in you. What makes you unique is your particular distribution of those 15 qualities.

We've found that your particular combination of qualities is rare — only 1 in 10,000 people share the same general mix of traits. Those are great odds if you're trying to show a potential employer, colleague, friend, or date why you're exactly the right person for them.

orange.for.vday

Orange
You're a bold, confident orange. A warm, powerful color that indicates a strong, welcoming personality, orange is the mark of people who are social and extroverted by nature. Vibrant, with an upbeat attitude, you have a bright, inviting demeanor. Energetic and fun-loving, you're a real friend-magnet. Your easy charm and unassuming manner make you the sort of person people want to meet and get to know better. Well-rounded and fun to be around, you enjoy helping others, so it's no surprise that orange also symbolizes attraction. Orange is an extraordinary color — for an extraordinary person.

zzz.

what do you do when you're an insomniac?

recently i find myself in situations where my mind refuses to take a rest even though my body is screaming out for a break. i toss and i turn for hours on end, snippets of conversations and songs running through my head, interspersed with flashes of faces i know. could this be a sign of ageing and turning senile? hahaha.

i've tried:
+ counting sheep baaaaa baaaaa baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
+ singing a song to myself
+ doing crunches (which i gave up doing real easily becos i'm such a wuss right now)
+ hiding my face under my duvet
+ staring into blank space and wondering what you guys are doing all over the world right now

and as you can tell, nothing worked.
so eventually i decided to get out of bed and surf the net...
going crazy.. gawd.

oh OH!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE!!!
hot dates anyone? heh.

my.yellow.arrow

check out www.yellowarrow.net

the.big.25

Had a combined birthday party at Grand [a cool bar/cafe near my school] with 3 other friends on 3rd Feb...
I had fun dancing all night long, blowing candles out at 12mn 4th Feb, drinking lichicosmos [courtesy of the bar owner, and made on special request], raspberry ginger martini [courtesy of my housemate], tequila shots [courtesy of various friends], mimosas and vodka shots [courtesy of fellow bday girls], overdosing on chocolate salad and yummy grilled mozarella bite-sized sandwiches...
Went to the Met Museum to see the Calatrava exhibition on 4th Feb [still suffering from a freaking hangover], had a super yummy Sunday brunch at a quaint French restaurant in my Brooklyn area, received 2 unexpected bouquets of frowers from friends- I've never celebrated my birthday this hard or this long before. Wished you guys could have been there to await the dawn of a new quarter of a century with me. It feels scary to be so old... [15 more years to make movie mingming!] I can only say I'm glad I'm not going to be the first, nor the last person to feel this way. At this point in my life, hitting such a numerical benchmark in terms of age merely makes everything else seem insignificant. I do have a lot to be grateful for, and grades have been going pretty well thus far, but then there's no accomplishment I can really lay claim to... or can I? Either way, although last year ended pretty shitty, and this year started out pretty shitty too, I have to constantly remind myself that I have to get as much out of this experience as possible. Good things never last, and thankfully, neither does the bad. So here's wishing everyone a Happy Birthday, cos sooner or later, IT will come, and cos happiness [and the fear of growing old] should be spread far and wide. Have a good year ahead everyone, and till we meet again... [no I don't mean online.. ahaha]

pandora.com

songs/bands to download:

"Neon Golden" and "One With The Freaks" by The NoTwist
"Windowframes" by Paulson
"Rise" and " Ceremony" by Rainer Maria
"Roll To Me" and "Driving With The Brakes On" by Del Amitri
"Tears Are In Your Eyes" by Yo La Tengo
Death Cab For Cutie
"Driftwood" by Travis
"Jump" by Madonna
"Yesterday Is Gone" by Lenny Kravitz
"Innocent Vigilant Ordinary" by The Appleseed Cast
"Blackout" by Lovedrug
Air
Zero 7
"Green" by Sister Hazel
"Rocks" by Loquat
Antour de Lucie
"Always Come Back To You" by Ryan Cabrera
The Trouble With Sweeney


all this after 6 hours of pandora-ing, 2 days of ourtunes, and 3 hours with my friend's sleek black ipod...
have you PANDORA-ed yet? :)

the.story.of.my.life?!?

"Cigarettes And Chocolate Milk"
by Rufus Wainwright

cigarettes and chocolate milk
these are just a couple of my cravings
everything it seems i like's a little bit stronger
a little bit thicker
a little bit harmful for me

if i should buy jellybeans
have to eat them all in just one sitting
everything it seems i like's a little bit sweeter
a little bit fatter
a little bit harmful for me

and then there's those other things
which for several reasons we won't mention
everything about them is a little bit stranger
a little bit harder
a little bit deadly

it isn't very smart
tends to make one part so broken-hearted

sitting here remembering me
always been a shoe made for the city
go ahead, accuse me of just singing about places
with scrappy boys faces
have general run of the town
playing with prodigal songs
takes a lot of sentimental valiums
can't expect the world to be your raggedy andy
while running on empty
you little old doll with a frown

you got to keep in the game
maintaining mystique while facing forward
i suggest a reading of 'a lesson in tightropes'
or 'surfing your high hopes' or 'adios kansas'

it isn't very smart
tends to make one part so broken-hearted
still there's not a show on my backholes or a friendly intervention
i'm just a little bit heiress, a little bit irish
a little bit tower of pisa whenever i see you
so please be kind if i'm a mess
cigarettes and chocolate milk

do.re.mi.fa.SO.

So.
After a weekend of hard partying last weekend, I went through a tough week of school.
Everyone was flipping out everywhere and all sorts of negativity about tutors were getting tossed around here and there. And it was strange because it wasn't actually a very busy school week lesson schedule-wise. I personally felt like school was crashing down on me somehow - perhaps I was just too burnt out from all the partying to handle any form of additional stress in the form of schoolwork?!?

To compound the problem further, I was stuck on my design, and behind in my assignments for all my modules. And while stuck, I had to try to talk through some design logic with some of my studiomates, since most of them haven't had any architectural background, and are basically flailing around wildly. This, coupled with the fact that my good friend (who also happens to be my live entertainment and daily clown) went on her studio trip to Brazil for a week. What a bummer. No one to rant to, studio seemed so much emptier all the time. (Of course I eventually found other people to bitch to and hang out with.. but still... you know.)

It was literally like a pressure cooker that was bound to pop anytime, and it finally did on thursday after studio session. Everyone was just ranting about our totally self-absorbant and useless tutor- I think he's scared of me because I openly showed that I wasn't too happy with him though. Good thing thursday nights are spent at the local pub drinking and chilling out with everyone, so that took quite a lot of stress off my shoulders. Finally met the yr one guy from the next studio who's always staring at my back since his table faces my studio and there isn't a partition inbetween to block me haha... He's into Zumthor as well, which is totally cool, and he used to be a sound engineer before he decided to enter the field of architecture. That was a fun night. Beer always makes anything fun. I gave my first lap dance after much persuasion... haha

Anyway, after the tough week I decided I had to be tougher on myself still, and buck up. I decided no more moping and griping about the lack of direction/input from my tutor, and just read more, absorb more and formulate a breakthrough on my own. This I did on friday, where I spent 10 hours of solid work designing a totally new scheme, one which I must say I'm more excited by compared to the previous formalistic one. Saturday was spent trying to catch up on late assignments- did my environmental controls calculations for the millionth time, but the important thing is that I finally completed it! Had studio on Sunday, where I had a positive crit with my tutor, (we forced him to makeup studio for us since he always seemed to be cancelling on us and our fees aren't cheap dammit) but that doesn't say anything at all since he never says anything negative about my stuff anyway.

Anyway anyway, I don't know where I'm getting with this post - it's 12.15am and I'm sitting in studio alone. Supposed to be studying for my test tomorrow, and Lakhena (who got back from Brazil yesterday morning) is concussed in the hammock, and Alma who stays on the same floor in hall as I do, is doing a new model to show for studio tomorrow and I'm supposed to wait for her to walk back together, and I don't really feel like studying, and Aimee Mann playing on my computer is making me very sentimental indeed. Today's a girl's night in studio... Sang's here still and so's Sara.. I had quite a happy day today I must admit... had a chat with my Maya teacher in the morning after class and managed to convey my frustrations about scripting to her, which she totally understood, and at least I feel more positive about that class now... had a fabulous and funny lunch with a dear friend (who came to fetch me home from school last night with a big umbrella because she insisted on testing out her new rain boots hahaha) and a new favourite german friend, whom I met during the Halloween party. I managed to get tix for the screening of the new David LaChapelle movie on campus this wednesday. I went for a totally boring but also hilarious lecture because I ended up playing tictactoe just to make it more bearable. I spotted the cute jap-looking guy from undergrad yr one at the lecture. I managed to catch up with stephen's cute housemate for a while. I had dinner at Thai 101, which was the first restaurant I ate at when I first came to Brooklyn. I finished my Environmental Controls assignment in slightly over an hour. And of course, I blogged.

ahhh.. ok. back to studying. I think I actually do like being a nerd. :p

scenes.from.halloween

So...
Halloween weekend was a complete blast.
It's not over-hyped at all, cos it certainly lived up to its reputation as the best holiday EVER.
Three nights of hardcore partying in a row, endless bottles of beer, humongous hangovers, aching feet, streets full of people in the most outrageous costumes, and tons of fun with strangers, friends and newfound acquaintances.
It was totally awesome- parties in New York are unlike any other parties in the world... I really felt the power and the seductive lure of the city over the weekend. The night scene is really vibrant here, not for nothing is NYC considered one of the greatest cities of all time. Everyone crashes parties everywhere, strangers are easy to strike up conversations with, people congregate in NYC from all over, bringing with them a multitude of experiences and influences. The Halloween parade here is supposedly the biggest in the world, the atmosphere was crazily out-of-this-world. I cannot even begin to list down the variety of costumes people wore, some were sexy/slutty/flesh parade, others were downright hilarious, and still there were those that bordered on the genius.
Indeed, these are the days to be young and carefree; to drink and be merry; to indulge in cultural decadence and spiritual poverty. Happy Halloween everyone! :p The only thing I have left to do is to carve a pumpkin, throw it down from my 16th floor window, and watch it smash to a pulp.

wassup?

Something's definitely in the air today.

There's a weird atmosphere of anticipation that's strangely electrifying and exciting...
I went to the supermarket nearby to get shitloads of toilet paper and cleaning supplies, and as I was there grappling with the shitloads of toilet paper and cleaning supplies, I got hit on by all the Spanish guys working there... "Hola Chiqa" they said, or wolf whistled, or sucked in their breath, as I hastily scurried away. Not once, not twice but multiple times. Wasssuuuuuuup I say. So what if my top is low? Doesn't entitle you to look down my boobs man. So I go back to my dorm, and I meet my classmate Josh's housemate, Will, along the way. He's WAAAAY tall, is blonde, loves all things cowboy, and cracks me up to no end all the time. And because he's like 3 heads taller than I am, I don't blame him for looking down my boobs, cos really, he doesn't have much of a choice anyway. So he's going for the Josh's gig tonight as well. We all have to dress up he says, it'll be loads of fun! What shall we go as? Hmm.. I suggested he go as pinocchio, with the long wooden nose and all, and then he'll have to move like a puppet the entire night. Cool, he says, except for the fact that he'll have to wear skimpy red shorts and that's not cool, that's COLD. haha...

So, it's HALLOWEEN weekend! There's a lot of people milling around the school campus today, an out-of-the-ordinary traffic of coming and going, carrying parcels from the mail office. I saw this girl wearing a humongous ball of lace on her head... I wonder what she's supposed to- just hideous perhaps?

Shall I go as a punk rocker for the gig tonight? Many friends have said that it's so becoming of me, or that I'd fit right in to the role.. (I wonder what impression I'm giving out here... rebellious punk?!!? gosh) And I still have to meet the singaporeans (whom I have talked to online but never met before) for a steamboat dinner gathering???
The 1/6 of a six-pack of beer role is reserved for the party tomorrow night with the Germans...
and then there's the Halloween parade at Greenwich Village to go to on Monday, and somehow we'll have to find time to go to the Met Museum this weekend cos there's an ongoing exhibition on Calatrava, and he'll be giving a talk sometime.

This is so not a good weekend to try to get work done.
I'm going off to the mail office to try to collect my boots (again) cos the UPS website says that they have been delivered! yey... flighty bimbotic jan.... Trick or Treat!!!

What.I.Do.In.My.Spare.Time

I can so see this becoming the cover of a rock album...

midterm.review

MoMAstore.giannings

Isn't this glass ball necklace absolutely SUPER SUPER CHIO?!!? It's apparently made in the tradition of Murano, the ancient center for the production of Venetian glass. And it also happens to cost a freaking 75USD, although that didn't stop my schoolmate from getting her delicate hands on one!!! oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh... *swoon* It looks fantabulous in real-life as well... *faint* Ishallsaveuptogetmyownishallsaveuptogetmyown!