thesis.extraordinaire?

The culmination of a bad day in general. I probably woke up on the wrong side of bed today, having spent a sleepless and unbearably humid night tossing and turning in bed for endless hours, wishing and praying that that blardee damned mosquito would stop sucking my blood in the darkness when my eyes could not feign to see it, and just drop dead and die immediately. I took a cab to work ( yes yes.. AGAIN. No wonder the measley bonus ain't enough to cover all my additional uncalled for cab rides that somehow bring me to a place I have to desire to be in), and first thing in the morning I became pissed at a good friend whose comments/internal joke/haha humour I got overly-sensitive about, interpreted in the worst possible direction, reacted in the worst possible way, and ended myself up in the worst possible dilemma. All meant in good fun, but meanie jan spoilt everything for everyone as usual. I seem to find myself at the giving end of such dramatics very often recently, and I can only apologise for adding too much 'spice' into everyone's life in a negative way. Please forgive me, (esp ming, boh, cc and those who have stuck with me thru thick and thin) I am trying to change. I snap and I bite often, but I almost always regret it the moment I do. Don't know what's overcome me nowadays, my mean streak has started to get the better of me. Where has the 'nice' in Janice gone to I wonder? I remember being a happy and loveable kid with a big heart once. Shaddup jan, shaddup, for the love of God, and learn to take life with a pinch of salt. "Learn to let go, there is no need to be thinking too much about it", Ch says, but me the petty little xiaoqigui resents that he is right, and that I am too proud to do so naturally. Oh, that pride would be my downfall, me the scum of the earth, the muck of the sea, the jam with the higher sugar content with enough insecurities to sink the Titanic a thousand times over. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. And whispering into the crack in the wall, I let go of this matter. I must learn to be nice all over again. And as a final crackdown to send me spiralling down to the depths of darkness again, Jon my darling boy informs me that he has some comments about the way I write on this blog. "Too detached', "disassociated", "cannot feel your personality" encapsulated the gist of it all. "It's almost as if you were writing a thesis all the time", he ventured. "Thesis extraodinaire?" (haha I SO wish jon... this comment will tide me through when I actually do start on my thesis ok?) Well thank you my dear, I will learn to take criticism constructively and not personally. I will not get angry, I will not bite. *SMILE* Perhaps I should learn to write more casually so that it's an easier read. (Lahs, lors, aiyohs anyone?) Not so introspective so that my friends feel like a part of my life. Write like how I feel and not how I process my feelings from my brain. Write about happier stuff? Or not write at all? This is me, believe it or not, meanie petty jannyjam, thesis extraodinaire. Tomorrow will be a better day! Will the idiotic mosquito drop dead and die now please, and can all the cabbies refuse to drive me to work tomorrow?


P.S. I guess jam has replaced lulu, and you guys can all stop laughing hysterically at the absurdity of the title of this post now. IF you even managed to make it through that whole paragraph above. :)