nostalgia-is.it.a.beautiful.thing?
Feeling nostalgic tonight, and tragically so. Perhaps it's the combination of meeting up with friends repeatedly over the past few days/weeks, having people constantly ask when you're leaving, and gushing about how exciting it is that you get a chance to go away; perhaps it's the result of meeting people whom you haven't seen for a long time, and feeling the reconnecting bond of shared experiences, a renewed effort to keep in touch, knowing full well that the surge could scarcely last long enough to matter, that everything will change, just as lives have to move on, people to grow; perhaps also it's meeting those whom you care about, but yet feeling like a total stranger and leaving the camera with the fully charged battery right at the bottom of the bag. Reality is finally sinking in with a resounding hollowness, and it's hitting hard to home and to the heart. There's too little time left to squeeze in everybody, too little time to say what I want to say, too hard to say goodbye with a cheerful smile and a jolly wave- all I've been doing thus far, and with great success, is eating what I want to eat. Am I just going to leave just like that? With so many strings left untied? So many ends unresolved? Been looking over past photos, though few and far in between, but all I can wonder is where did all those days go to? Went for EH rag preview today, and wondered how did 3 years of my life flitter by without anything much to show for it? All the blood and tears, toiling over hall projects, partying hard and going bonkers, sharing laughter, slippers and detergent, singing National Day songs at 3am, watching TV while eating packed dinners, suppers at Fong Seng and behind behind- all comes to nought when everyone leaves and goes their separate ways. It's hard to tell where the thin line between maintaining ties and remaining in the past begins, and even harder to pinpoint exactly where it ends. 3 years. In aki, in hall. 2 years. Slogging on inconsequential projects in office. What really counts at the end of the day? Apparently not the hours spent together, nor the jokes shared. Memories are sweet but are they ever enough? When rough patches appear, what will it take to smooth everything over? Friendship is a gift and it always will be. To all who have touched my life in some way or another, who have extended me a helping hand in one form or another, who have presented me with the gift at one time or another, THANK YOU. It's hard to say goodbye, armed only with a bagful of apprehension and unknowns. Still, the time is nearing, the distance apart ever-widening. It's silly I know, to have worked to hard to fulfill a dream, only stammer and stutter in hesitation even before it all begins. Yet this feeling is real to me, as real as the tears that fill my eyes, and only as real to you as you make of it.
I leave you now with some encouraging words from a good friend- to continue believing, and hoping, and praying, and loving:
and who are they to judge us, when they themselves are full of flaws?
close friends, good friends... are those who will talk to you objectively
and love you with all their heart
it's not about accepting your flaws (that's not possible)
but being able to help you become a better person
and to bring the best out of you
bring out your dreams
gear you on
let you think the unthinkable
dream the supposedly undreamable
and you feel you like you're on top of this world
and you can do anything
everything
whatever you want
