without.much.ado

For now, I am content to take a backseat, to let days pass by without much ado, without feeling intensely nor caring too much. Things have happened, lives have been lived, hearts have been broken but yet the world keeps on turning as it always has been since the beginning of time. It is cruel and heartless indeed, this world is, but so be it.

It is perhaps easier to experience life in this manner, encapsulated in a little self-imagined bubble that protects and resists all external flux and internal self-deprecating reproaches. In a seemingly out-of-body experience, I see my life passing by in a flash before my eyes. Do you feel the same emptiness in meaningless daily activities? You walk but your feet do not touch the ground; they glide past the surface of the earth weightlessly. You eat but taste is a foreign notion; sustenance is a practical endeavour. You laugh but the hollow ring echoes in the ears of those you keep company with; is a true smile impossible to fake? (Note: remember to depress the corners of your eyes when you smile- it's a signal of geniunity.)

It is a strange thing this is; the power of the mind. The mind has a strength that we often tend to overlook, in the same way that madness, being a disease of the mind, has the propensity to control within a narcissistic framework. Ever wondered why people naturally double or triple their strength when overcome by a bout of madness, such that it requires 3-4 able-bodied men to pin a single and frail but frantically struggling patient down? Sometimes it occurs to me that I can be more powerful than I already am, if I allowed myself to cross that excrutiatingly thin line between sanity and its polar oppositional state. Or perhaps with allowing you, the reader, to glimpse into the inner dark reccesses of my unstable mental faculty, I already have begun on that journey.

Why oh why can't my posts just be about fluffs and excesses and yummy food and happy anecdotes of life? Oh, look at the white cotton clouds floating by up in the sky! Reach out a hand to touch the pretty multi-coloured rainbow! Life is beayootifool, life is simple, life is satisfying! Like hell it is. And thus another shit day begins.