i never know what to say on this blog anymore.
afraid of saying what i really feel and meaning what i say.
afraid of offending readers.
i suppose silence is better, although i do have a lot i want to share.
pity things just take a slanted twist somehow, when i have to word everything carefully like i do now.
it's not a journal anymore, it's a farce.
in the end, i always decide it's better to delete everything away.
and perhaps one day i will do as i'm tempted to, erase away this entire blog and start afresh.
i know someone who does that all the time, what a liberating feeling it must be!
but i'm a hoarder at heart, and will always be- i can't throw away clothes i don't wear, much less throw away memories.
don't be mistaken now, the jan of today has changed inwardly somewhat.
the overall melancholy and self-pity has finally given way to a general sense of happiness.
high-time it did anyway! jan should be known for infectious laughter and wide grins, not sulky demeanours and depressive mood swings!
it was a tough time, it really was, but i'm glad i pulled through it, although sadly it took a deep loss and many happy friends to do the trick.
so much to share, but how the words elude me.
one day though, i will break through the wall.
and then words will come, like flood, and you, dear reader, will understand.